


Glass Hearts, Diamond Scratches

by EgocentricBerry (SkiiDiesu)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Personality, Alternate Universe - Military, Alternative Universe - Fame, Angst with a Happy Ending, Attempted Murder, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Fame, Heartbreak, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Moving On, Murder-Suicide, Obsession, Other, Past Relationship(s), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Drama, Psychotic Oikawa Tooru, Reconciliation, Relationship(s), Rivalry, Stalking, Substance Abuse, Toxic Relationship(s), Trust Issues, Unhealthy Relationships, alternative universe, medication abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-06
Updated: 2017-06-03
Packaged: 2018-08-29 13:04:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 15
Words: 57,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8490859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkiiDiesu/pseuds/EgocentricBerry
Summary: Kageyama caught Oikawa in a lie. Accepting the consequences that he was caught is not easy... and the people that have begun helping Kageyama gain his freedom are quickly being put on Oikawa's angry side... Kageyama knows how dangerous Oikawa could be, dating him for five years - but knowing the true extent of it remains a mystery.





	1. Pictures Last Longer

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, I just like to play with them. And when I play, I play roughly. I apologize if the characters do not behave canonly.

Vision unfocused then refocused, staring down at a photo that took up the whole screen of Kageyama’s cellphone. Hands shaking before he finally caught his breath, tapping the Done button to click the picture away from his sight. Beneath the picture, a message appeared. Quickly, his finger moved to lock the phone. His long legs took motion to the door, grabbing his leather jacket and car keys as he slipped out of his penthouse apartment, quickly closing the door behind him to keep his dog from dashing out. The Internationally known volleyball player impatiently waited by the elevator, fishing his phone back out to stare at the image that was sent to him once more. Anger ripped through his mind, disloyalty suffocated him like a wet towel, and anxiety crawled up his spine taking over every single controlling nerve, leaving him to feel like a mess. Chest was tight, as if someone had a grip on his heart, getting ready to pop it like water balloon. Well... Someone did have a grip on his heart and it was none other than Oikawa Tooru.

With the elevator arriving, Kageyama slipped in, phone back into his pocket as he pressed the button to head to the garage. He already had the name of the restaurant memorized.

* * *

 

Stepping out into a cold November night, Kageyama slammed his door shut. Traces of his breath could be seen, but the blue eyes were searching elsewhere. Slowly, he took his steps walking up to the restaurant. Pulling the door open, he was hit with a random warmth, but he kept moving forward, walking past everyone that was waiting, walking past the Host, who suddenly stopped him. The woman was dressed so neatly, with her little ponytail nice and pulled back. She seemed like she was having a good day. 

"Sir-"

"Oikawa Tooru, party of two." Kageyama stated out flatly, instantly cutting her off from stopping him. It only got him a rather confused look from the female as she looked back at her little list. More confusion struck her, and she gazed up at Kageyama.

"I'm sorry, that party is already here." Her voice was a sincere apology, her hand near ready to call security; but they locked eyes for a split moment and suddenly, she could feel herself understanding by the simple expression of anger Kageyama was wearing. She just needed him to say the words. 

"I know, that's my  _boyfriend_ cheating on me. In paper." The woman simply nodded, allowing Kageyama to pass with a small gesture and the setter made his way through tables. This woman could possibly lose her job for letting someone come in without a table or an escort to that table, but Kageyama was too pissed to even care at the moment.

Zip-zagging along until he found the curly-brown haired man sitting across from a woman. Idle chattered vanished away from Kageyama's hearing as he was now listening to his own heart beat slowly with anticipation. He froze in his place, eyes now swelling slightly as the returning feeling of suffocation consumed him again. This woman had long straight black hair, a fringe like his only pushed to the side, her bright blue eyes gleaming happily as she laughed at his boyfriend. She was completely taken by Oikawa, and he with her. He looked just as happy sitting across from her, his dazzling smiling gracing her presence. They looked picture perfect together and it was a sickening thought to Kageyama. When he did he suddenly become nothing to Oikawa for him to do this? Why couldn't he just be honest and break up with him instead of putting a damn ring on him when all he was going to do was cheat?

Truly at loss of an answer, the only thing Kageyama could hear was her giggles, and the soft way Oikawa's voice was carrying. An idiot Kageyama was sometimes, but he was not an idiot to see that he was being replaced by someone who looked just like him in the form of a female body. Her manicured nails running along Oikawa's arm as she took a sip of wine. Was that the issue this was all this time? Because he wasn't a female? Was Oikawa planning on building this woman up to be like him so he could have what he wanted? Oikawa was the type of person that had that kind of control over people. It was something Kageyama knew for years, and he did his best to be the best, and he still isn't good enough. But cheating is cheating, and only the absolute worst people do it. Fine, Kageyama might not be the best, but he wasn't Oikawa, and this punk was asking for it.

"I think volleyball is an amazing sport..." Her voice sounded off, and Kageyama squinted his eyes at her. Whatever tears he felt a few seconds ago were gone. "I regret not taking it seriously in high school. Maybe we can head to the gym sometime and you can reteach me?"

Slowly making his way to a table, he grabbed someone filled wine glass, ignoring the demanding comment of 'Hey, that's mine, prick!'. For anger had subdued Kageyama to the fullest and he strolled right up to Oikawa. The older male had become a target for Kageyama. Rational thinking was out of the equation, and all he could see was this woman getting in the way of his happily ever after, and a pig who couldn't settle when he had close to the best. At the base of their table, Kageyama waved at Oikawa, a smile on his face.

"It's very nice to see that you lied to me about meeting up with Iwaizumi tonight." Kageyama stated, rather calmly too. The look on Oikawa;s face when he looked up to see Kageyama there was a priceless one. Kageyama had never seen a pale man become any paler, Oikawa could be a ghost. Smile fading, Oikawa had gotten up instantly, his hands moving in a motion to greet Oikawa. Oh how quickly he forgot about the mistress sitting in front of him, who was now staring at both men with the same confusion that was repeating itself tonight.

"T-Tobio - !" Yet before Oikawa could stuttered out another word, Kageyama threw the wine in Oikawa's face, ruining an expensive that suit that Kageyama had bought him a while back for them to celebrate on special occasions. 

"Fuck you. I am so fucking done with you!" Kageyama yelled, placing the cup down on the table, before he pressed his palms into the fabric of it and looked at this female in the eyes. Oikawa was too in shock, pushing the drink off himself as best as he could to notice that Kageyama was now making the girl his target. The beautiful nameless female frowned, leaning back in her seat as she watched Kageyama's mouth form words, "You should know, he's gay, and he only fucks girls, he doesn't take them seriously."

The woman's eyes widened, getting up as well. She pushed Kageyama back instantly, her brows drawing in with defense, walking over to Oikawa. "Who the fuck do you think you are? He loves me-"

With a swift motion, and a smug smirk, Kageyama raised his left hand up, cutting the woman's statement off with it, a beautiful diamond engagement ring decorating his hand for him to show off. "His husband. So no, he doesn't love you. You're just a woman that he picked up out of a bar. Now, you can get your cocky lil'-"

"Tobio! Stop this!" Oikawa's voice sprung back, holding the woman by her waist. He was holding her like she was the most precious thing in the world to him, and the setter felt his heart being squeezed again. Yet, Kageyama just scoffed out at the sight, gesturing to them in disbelief. At this point, people were watching, but the attention never phased Oikawa or Kageyama.  

"What? You're gonna blame me? Say something to me? You're fucking cheating! But I guess I still don't matter enough to you. All the changes that I've made for you, all the things I do at home for you when I'm the one who has to travel around the fucking world? You go and pick up a dandy to fuck, and I bet you even brought her back to my apartment when I'm away. You're an unfaithful little asshole, just like always. You never changed." Kageyama slipped the ring off his finger. It was apparent that he created a shock to the two before him who were still holding onto each other, with nothing to say. Oikawa was lip-locked quiet, an expression that Kageyama could not read on his face. So he simply threw his ring at the girl instead, throwing his hands up. "Have fun with your slut." 

Ending it at that, he stormed away. 

Oikawa looked down at himself, shaking his head as he ran his hand through his wet hair. His date now moving away to look at him. "You're  _married_ to a  _man?_ " She asked, pure disgust lacing her voice. "I can't believe this!"

"I'm not married to him..." Oikawa defended, finding her reaction to homosexuality a bit distasteful, "Just engaged... Well... Was." Oikawa sighed out really hard, leaning over to grab the ring that was thrown, tucking it away deep into his jacket pocket. Turning his head, he watched the setter leave. Biting the inside of his cheek, he was slowly zoning out. How did Kageyama find out? What was he going to do? What is happening? Why is this girl still talking? Without even looking at the girl, Oikawa started to trail out after Kageyama, needing to run just to catch up to him.

The mistress threw her hands up, "Oikawa!!" She yelled out, quickly realizing she was not getting the man's attention and she plopped back in the seat. The hostess came around, with a nice sadistic smile on her face, offering the woman the check. "Cash or credit?" The girl rolled her eyes, fishing for her purse as she pulled over and handed over a debit card.

Kageyama still rushing to get to his car, when he was pulled back. "Don't touch me! Oikawa, let go!" He cried out, his voice cracking as he was unable to hide the fact that he was crying. Tears streaming down his face, he was pushed back to lean against a random car along the way. "I said Don't!-"

"Tobio, stop. please-"

"No don't touch me! You can go the fuck to Iwaizumi's house!" He was yelling, "Or sleep on a park bench! Or go to her house! I don't care! You're not coming home tonight!"

Oikawa looked at Kageyama with defeat. His hands holding onto his arms as he watched the man weep for him. Squeezing him slightly, he pulled Kageyama in for a hug, holding him close to his body. The other made no move to hug him back, but he continued to sniff as he tried to stop himself from crying. Oikawa's brown eyes gazing up at the night sky as an hurt silence fell between them other than the soft sounds that came from the man he just hurt. Honestly, he had no clue what he was thinking in doing this. 

In no more than a month, they would have made five years together. They were out of High School and Oikawa had finally given up on trying to best this prodigy. He stopped his own rivalry because the world decided that Kageyama Tobio was going to make it to the big leagues, and he, Oikawa Tooru, was not. And he finally came to peace with it, still jealous from time to time but he was happy that he could watch something he helped in creating use those skills and eliminate other teams. 

Everything just happened went at lightning speed for the both of them, and here they were now, outside. Oikawa clinging onto an unresponsive Kageyama, and he could feel the regret already clawing at him. Trained hands pushing as his stomach, and slowly they separated. Blue eyes searching expectantly at Oikawa. "What do you even have to say for yourself..." 

"I'm sorry..."

"That's it?"

"I'm really sorry..." 

Kageyama dropped his arms onto his lap as he pushed off the vehicle behind him. A simple head shake was enough for Oikawa to feel like the biggest piece of shit on the planet, and he couldn't even look Kageyama in the eyes anymore. "Well you're not forgiven. Because out of all the years we spent, all the troubles, the fights, everything, it's all for nothing now. High School was one thing Tooru, but we're both grown adults now, with a 5 year history, ENGAGED, and you choose now to do try to take back your liberating freedom to date."

Oikawa said nothing. He couldn't form words to try to apologize, and he couldn't argue against what was right. But it wasn't that he was unhappy- he wasn't even sure why he did it to begin with. "You always know the best ways to hurt me. And like an idiot, I still try to work things out with you so we can be together because of how much I love you. And boy, do I love you, but you're not allowed to come home. At all."

Silence slipped between them, and the lack of eye contact only made Kageyama feel even more worthless. He sniffed, wiped his face clear as he walked away from Oikawa again. Hands shoved deep into his pockets, he walked over to his car, and climbed in without saying another word. 

Oikawa finally looked over at the car, slowly walking over to it, his arms spread out. "I love you, Tobio! I do! And I'll prove it! I'll fix this!" But Kageyama didn't bother to stick around the listen to the plea. His car pulled out of the parking spot, and drove away, leaving Oikawa to stand there by himself. Not like Oikawa knew how he was going to fix this, he had no plan. But he started thinking deeply about what compelled his actions to take this woman out. This woman who was now approaching him with a frown so similar to Kageyama's and a coat in her hand. 

Accepting his coat, he pulled it on as the woman just held herself in a hug. "I'm really sorry for tonight Suzuki... I obviously wasn't planning for any of this to happen."

The beautiful woman smiled simply, nodding. "Yeah, I wish I knew that your husband was going to crash our date. Oh, and you owe me money for the dinner. I had to pay." With a soft sigh, she dropped her hands from her body, simply pulling Oikawa's coat and leaning in to kiss his cheek. "Look... This going to sound really stupid for me to say... But... Let's bring you back to my place and get you all cleaned up. We have things we need to talk about now, but I still want to be with you despite this..." 

"Well..." Oikawa paused for a moment. He just lost his husband, and he was kicked out already. Might as well take what was being offered to him. A sly smile came to his face as he slipped his arm around Suzuki. "Let's go to the bank, I'll pay you back, then we can drive back  _home_. I'm glad you still want to be with me, because I want to be with you too..." 

After all, she does look exactly like Kageyama in a female form. Pretending shouldn't be too hard for him. 

 


	2. Life's Movie for the Screen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some inner thoughts before the drama starts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music inspiration for this chapter came from Alex Barry - Moving Forward  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PD9cWyhAXgY
> 
> // RAW UPLOAD meaning there might be typos, skipped words, grammar errors  
> I was too emotional to go back and fix but please enjoy

 Sitting on the floor of the kitchen, Kageyama lowered his bottle down to the floor. Normally, he is not one to heavily drink. He often left that for his old High School teammates when they got together; but this time, denying himself some relief was hard. He was half way down the bottle, head bowed on his arm as he thought about the girl sitting at the table with Oikawa. How she touched him, how she laughed, how perfect she looked next to his man... What made it worse was how happy Oikawa looked at her too. 

It's been a while since Oikawa looked at him that way. Kageyama had been stressed about a lot lately. His training sessions, the toll that traveling took on his body, and now he wanted to train for the Olympics. He had goals he wanted to achieve, but it seemed like his goals were once again getting in the way of him and Oikawa. Oikawa had his own things going on too... Thinking about it more deeply, thoughts about this girl really being here while Kageyama was away weighed heavily on his heart. Suddenly disgusted, he no longer had the desire of wanting to sleep in their bed anymore. All that Kageyama has done, trying to make sure they had more than enough to be forever situated together. Setting money aside so that he could retire young, and spend days with Oikawa... 

The night Oikawa had proposed to him was the best night of his life. It was in front of all their friends and family. Kageyama's parents were never around much, but that day they were, and his parents couldn't have been happier for him. Not to mention Oikawa's parents - all the attention and love. And Oikawa had proposed so casually. Everyone is was in the midst of water fight, and Oikawa had come to Kageyama's rescued, bowed on one knee and put his hands up. Everyone stopped the war, which of course made Kageyama feel lost about what was going on. Then Oikawa did it. Soaking wet, he pulled out the ring, his soft smooth voice, "My dear Tobio, will you please marry me?" 

Kageyama never smiled that hard before, for so long. It was the best day, the best night, the best ever. Here he was, four months into engagement, one month away from a five year commitment and it was thrown away like it was nothing. What happened? What did he do to make Oikawa cheat on him? What did he suddenly lack that made him stop smiling at him that, and start looking at her? How long was she here for?

Bringing the bottle back to his lips, Kageyama tilted his head back, allowing more of the burning sensation dull his heartache, but all the pain was still there. Slowly standing, feet dragging across the floor, he tilted his head as he eyed the spot where he and Oikawa had slow danced at one of their house parties. He remembered how Oikawa had embraced him, held him so close, whispered something so sweet that only Kageyama would ever hear. It resonated bitterly through his heart and a swell of emotions came at him again.  _"You will always be my everything, and I hope that I continue to be yours too. The day you stop loving me is the day I'll finally die."_ Oikawa had kissed him so tenderly, and guided him so confidently across the floor. Their love felt immortal in that moment. So why? Why was Kageyama now sitting in this spot alone? In a dark cold house where the only thing on the walls was painful reminders of their life together. 

Kageyama stared out of the windowed doors of the balcony, watching as the clouds rolled over the glow of the moon. What was Oikawa doing right now? Was he said? Did he have any regrets? Was he thinking about him? Is he... Is he really going to fix this? Or is he just spewing his lies? Is he sleeping next to that girl? Or is giving him the decent respect and going to Iwaizumi's house?

How tempted Kageyama was wanting to text Iwaizumi to ask, but at the same time, he was too afraid to know the truth of the answer. Oikawa hadn't bothered to call him, or text him. So Kageyama was feeling like he really did mean nothing to Oikawa. Looking down at his left hand, his other fingers caressed the now empty place where his ring use to be. Why waste money on something so beautiful if you were just going to break it? For four months, that little spot was occupied, and in an instant it was back to how it been. 

_"Tobio-chan!"_

Kageyama bowed his head again, burying his face in his hands. It was rivalry from the beginning. Through middle school, almost getting hit by Oikawa, to High School, being taunted by him, and now... Brought to the highest he could be to be torn down. Was that Oikawa's goal? Did he just want to ruin Kageyama's life from beginning to end? All Kageyama ever wanted was to be by his side, do the things Oikawa could do on the court, and be something with him off the court. He could cook, it's not like the other went hungry, he cleaned, catered, but most of all... 

He loved Oikawa unconditionally. 

He was a rotten being, and everyone knew it. He was mean, rude, nasty, taunting, a womanizer, cocky, but when moments counted... He was truthful. Somewhere under all that bad, Oikawa had one reason that made him good, and made Kageyama love him. Loyalty was never apart of the deal, but it was something they acquired as the years went by. So was this just a bad relapse? 

It honestly felt like head games, but Kageyama was getting dizzy and wanted out immediately. Lifting his head, he got up from the floor, floating almost over to the kitchen again where he put the alcohol away. It wasn't numbing anything, it just made it all feel worse. But at least he wasn't crying. 

Settling on his couch, he pulled his phone, opening the picture of Oikawa and his mistress walking to the restaurant. Oikawa had his arm wrapped around her shoulder while hers was around his back. They look like they've been together for years, and Oikawa looked completely happy too... 

_Where... Did I go wrong...?_

Loneliness quickly took over now as Kageyama laid on the couch, curling up into himself. How badly he actually did want Oikawa to be here... To hold him... Whisper in his ear about how much he loved him, and how precious he was too him. Kageyama's dog came trotting up to him, a soft whimper leaving her throat. A soft sad smile came to the setters face, his hand reaching out to pet her head. "It's okay girl... Daddy won't be with us for a while, but we'll be okay." Kageyama's throat tightened as his eyes filled with those tears again, his face getting hot. "I promise... I'm an expert at dealing with this when it comes to him." 

Though his words more for himself than his precious Husky, she jumped up onto the couch with him and cuddled up between his arms. As if consoling each other, cold tears slipped down Kageyama's hot face. "Who knows, Aki... Maybe it's better if it's just us from now on."

* * *

 

It was 3AM and Oikawa couldn't sleep. Tucked in bed with Suzuki, he couldn't pretend. There was a big difference between her body heat and Kageyama's. Who knew he didn't deserve to feel sorry for himself, but he did. He fucked up, bad, and he still want with the second option instead of trying with Kageyama. This bed was different, it was uncomfortable, and he missed the sound of Kageyama's light snores. Slowly sitting up, he pushed the sheets off. Why was he doing this? What was about this woman? 

She looked like Kageyama, yes, there are very strong similarities but she wasn't him. She couldn't cook like him, she didn't dance- well, Kageyama didn't either, but he he did hug Oikawa close when they did. The differences between their embraces... Kageyama knew how to hold onto Oikawa in a way that made the older feel good. But this woman - she made Oikawa feel like a man. She was dependent on him, and he was not dependent on Kageyama.

Was that it? Having your younger lover provide nearly everything for you the thing that made him feel bad? Kageyama was always a go-getter though. From the beginning, Kageyama wanted nothing at all but everything in the world to be in his hand. The setter had this thrive that everyone could see, and even Kageyama saw it in himself. Like he was looking down at his world that was in his hands. It was bad enough that Kageyama felt like he was light-years away with his trips and all, but now he felt even further away.

His trips... Was that also something Oikawa had an issue with? His boyfriend was practically famous- no.. He was famous. He was loved by many, and taken all over the world. He even started training for the world's biggest event. Was he lonely when Kageyama was on the TV and he was alone on the couch? Surely, Oikawa wished many times that Kageyama was home a little more, but what was he suppose to say to him? "Stop your career. I miss you." Kageyama would be so mad at him...

But at least he wouldn't be as mad as he is now...

Oikawa wondered now what the setter was doing. He was probably destroying himself over this. How much pain did I just cause him? How am I going to fix this? Flowers and pork buns isn't going to fix this like other situations. Slowly, Oikawa got up from the bed, pulling his dress pants on. He picked up his now cleaned shirt, and pulled that on before he slipped the jacket on. A soft clatter sounded and Oikawa followed it. He picked up the fallen ring again and stared at it. Even though he went with this woman, he kept his ring on. Instead of fixing his mistake, he only made it worse. He went with her when he should be trying to get inside his real home. He slept with her even though his arms should have been around Kageyama. 

He messed up, but he still didn't try to change it. This woman did not smell like Kageyama, she did not feel like, she just simply resembled him and it was in a very painful way now. But her smile was the brightest... 

Kageyama's smile was the rarest... 

Flipping the ring up, Oikawa caught it in his hands and made his way out the room quietly. 

So what if this woman smiled a lot, it was something that could be easily use to but Kageyama had the rarest smiles and they were the most beautiful smiles this man has ever seen. Yes, Kageyama was the most handsome being, and when he laughed, it was the best feeling Oikawa could have. It was overstimulating and overwhelming. Oikawa always got caught and just stared at Kageyama. 

Was this... insecurity? Oikawa knew he shouldn't be feeling insecure. He was always one to be always so sure and confident of himself. But when it came to Kageyama, he always felt like he wasn't good enough for the setter, yet the setter wanted him anyway...

It flashed in Oikawa's mind the look of hurt on Kageyama's face. He knew he destroyed their world. Four months ago, Oikawa had anxiety because of how badly he wanted to make Kageyama his forever. He came up with the stupidest, silliest way to propose and it was in the middle of a water balloon fight, but the smile Kageyama had on his face when he popped the question... It was one of the rare times Oikawa felt like he did right to Kageyama. Not that Kageyama ever made him feel like he wasn't good enough, Kageyama was always pushing him to make him feel good...

_"I'm sure I'll love you no matter what you do to me."_ Kageyama had said that during one of their stupid arguments. He literally just stopped and looked at Oikawa, and flatly said that. Was... Oikawa trying to test that? Well he did... 

What was Kageyama doing?

Out on the street, Oikawa raised a hand out, hauling a cab over. Setting inside, he gave Kageyama's address, and within a few long minutes, they were there. The whole ride, Oikawa was just staring at the ring in his hands, but now it was time to make his way upstairs...


	3. Out of Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Lovers into friends, move on to strangers. Let go. No more us. Move on, I'm trying..." - Tove Lo; Out of Mind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> RAW CHAPTER MEANING THERE ARE NO EDITS, IT WILL CONTAIN TYPOS, MIXED WORDS, SKIPPED WORDS, AND ALL THAT BAD STUFF  
> IM SORRY  
> I SUCK AT PROOFREADING  
> It starts off messy, but then gets a little clean. Again, I am sorry. I will work on the quality.

It 6 in the morning, and Kageyama found himself unable to sleep. Slowly shifting up, his dog, Aki, jumped off away from, trotting over to the door. Blue eyes squinted in the direction of the dog as a hand pushed his hair back, rubbing the sleepiness from his eyes. Looking around the room, there was a slight dizziness, and overwhelming feeling of loneliness. He frowned as the first thought on his mind already was Oikawa. "Aki, here girl." Kageyama called, but the dog just clawed at the door instead, whimpering as she jumped up on it. Kageyama got up, walking to the door and swatting her away. He unlocked the door and pulled it open, only to catch Oikawa with his keys out, flowers in hand, and a yet, another shocked look on his face. 

The older man smiled, tilting his head. "Good morning, Tobio-chan!" He greeted as if things weren't as shaky as they were. Kageyama stared at him before he raised his hand to his head again, shaking it slightly. Slowly, he turned and walked back in his apartment. This couldn't be happening already... He just woke up!

Walking over to the kitchen's island, he pressed his palms into the cool marble, as Oikawa made his way into their home and closed the door. Strolling up toward Kageyama, he placed the flowers down next to him, and touched his ex's back. "You don't look so good..." Oikawa decided to point out the obvious, but that only got a death glare from Kageyama before the professional setter shoved him back.

"Don't touch me!" Kageyama declared. "I told you to not come home-"

"And what? Leave you here to keep drinking this away?" Oikawa asked, gesturing the unused kitchen. Kageyama usually left the dishes for the morning, especially when he was the one cooked that night. "We have to talk about this."

"Oh, I know we do." Kageyama crossed his arms, looking up at Oikawa. He was still shorter than him, but in the moment, it was obvious Kageyama was above Oikawa. "I want you to give me the house, pack your shit, and get out. Your name is coming off the lease, the truck you love so much, yeah, that's gone too because it's mine. And everything, anything that we are sharing is done! I don't want you here, I don't want to see you-"

"So you don't love me anymore?" Oikawa had to cut in, a look of sudden sadness taking over the more Kageyama spoke. 

Kageyama looked at him with such disbelief, "Seriously?" He took a step closer to Oikawa, raising a finger to point at his own chest. "I love you. I am so in love you with you. But you went and cheated on me. We've been engaged for four months, we almost made five years... Five years of a flawless relationship. If you wanted freedom, you should have just told me-"

"It wasn't freedom that I wanted, Tobio."

"Then what was it?"

Oikawa got a little quiet, sighing softly as he pulled his jacket off and set it on the high chair by the island. Hands snaked through his messy brown curls before they took hold of Kageyama's reluctant hands. "She just... smiled a lot."

Kageyama's face quickly turned to anger, yanking his hands away before he shoved Oikawa back really hard. The older had to take a step back, hand grasping at the table. "Are you fucking kidding me?! Because she fucking SMILED A LOT?!" Tears began to peek at Kageyama's eyes again, "I got cheated on because she can fucking smile at you! I've smiled at you plenty of fucking times, Tooru!"

"I know, I just, she reminded me of you-"

"So you replaced me with me?! What the fuck is wrong with you!! Just go back to her then!"

"I don't want to." Oikawa shook his head. 

Kageyama sighed out, needing to turn away so he can deep a breath. He wiped his eyes quickly, dragging his hands down his face before he looked back over at Oikawa. "Where did you go last night? And I swear to god, Tooru, you better tell the truth..."

"Her house..."

"Did you sleep with her...?" Oikawa got quiet, and Kageyama once again, was blown away with anger. "Get the hell out!! Get out of my house! I'm going to call the damn cops!!" Kageyama yelled, walking over to where his phone was, or where he thought it was. He had no idea where it was honestly, so he just started to shift through things, until Oikawa had gently taken him by his shaken hands again. 

Kageyama balled his fists up, attempting to shove Oikawa away again who just pulled Kageyama close, slipping a hand over the side of his face and pulling him into a kiss. Blue eyes squeezed shut as he felt those soft sweet lips push over his, his hands gripping at Oikawa's wrists tightly before they slowly started loosening, and reaching to grasp at his shirt. His heart was racing as it always did when they kissed, and he was tied between the urge of socking Oikawa in the face, or just caving in and pretending this cheating thing never happened... 

A few long seconds went by before Tooru let his grip loosen, and Kageyama pulled back, panting softly. Their eyes locked and there was no denying their connection. Kageyama bowed his head, Oikawa leaning his head against him. "I'm an idiot... I know I am... I don't fully know why I did it, but I did..."

"You slept with her again... Do you want to be with her still?" Kageyama asked, slowly raising his gaze. Oikawa studied Kageyama's face for a mere moment, before his own eyes lowered. He couldn't even answer Kageyama, so he just pulled him close and hugged him. Kageyama had somehow morphed into Oikawa's world over the years, and he wasn't regretting it. He could never. He was jealous of Kageyama, nasty, rude, and that all somehow shifted to him admiring him, loving him, and taking care of him. Kageyama was mad, and Oikawa could feel every bit of him. He couldn't even imagine the pain he caused him because he knew very well how long he trailed Kageyama along. Since middle school, for some reason, Kageyama had been head over heels for him, and it is something Oikawa would never understand. But it was something he had to reflect on. Their world was moving at a speed that neither of them could keep with, and it wasn't like they could slow down either. This was their only moment to slow down, but it was quickly interrupted by Oikawa's cellphone going off. 

It was stupid custom ringtone of a females voice going "Pick up Tooru-chaaan!"

Kageyama slowly pulled away from Oikawa, walking over to where his jacket was. Both of their hearts felt like it paused in beating, the room just as nervous as they about this sudden call. Kageyama plucked the phone from Oikawa's pocket, swiping the screen to answer. He raised the phone to his ear, looking over at Oikawa. 

"Tooru? I know you picked up the phone! Say something!" The woman demanded, but Kageyama stood quiet. "You were gone when I woke up! I hope you didn't decide to go back to that man! I told you I still wanted to be with you! Did you lie to me when you said you wanted to be with me too?"

Kageyama's lips pursed together, turning his back to Oikawa. "Yeah... He did lie to you..." He said, bitterly. "Why on earth would he pick someone like over me? Someone he proposed to? Or is that you want a wedding invitation? Because unfortunately you're not invited."

"Tobio..." Oikawa's voice peeked up, but Kageyama ignored him, raising a middle finger up at him. 

"I don't want to go to your stupid wedding. I want to talk to Tooru. This isn't your damn phone!" The woman snapped. 

"No, you're right. It isn't my phone. But it also isn't your place to try to ruin someone's relationship. Please get it through your damn head that Tooru doesn't love you." Kageyama turned to look at Oikawa, who just peered at him, leaning against a chair. "And he's in front of me. He's not stopping me from telling you to fuck off." Kageyama started strolling over to Oikawa, tilting his head. 

"He's not telling me to give him the phone, or to hang up, or to leave you alone, and he's definitely not telling me that he still wants to be with you. In fact, he came home to me, because he wants me and NOT you." Kageyama leaned against Oikawa's body, putting the phone on speaker between them. "Right, Tooru?"

Oikawa scoffed a bit, gazing at Kageyama. How petty this man was, but who could blame him? So for the sake of this relationship, Oikawa gave a very clear, "Right." And Kageyama pulled away, walking into the kitchen. 

"So thank you for calling the Oikawa residence." Kageyama said, Oikawa's brows raising in surprise that Kageyama had claimed his last name. Just like that, Kageyama hung the phone up, clicking the contact open. He blocked it from Oikawa's phone, deleted the messages after skimming through them, and even cleared his whole calling history. "So... How did you manage to pick someone that even had our dogs name as their first name?"

"What..."

"Her name is Suzuki Aki, and our dog is Aki. You weren't planning on staying were you...? You were gonna take everything you had here, and just move on? Is that what you wanted?"

Oikawa sighed out, shaking his head. "What the hell, Tobio, now you're reading into it a little too much."

"I have every right to!" Kageyama exclaimed, before he raised a finger up again. "Actually, here. Let me make this worse for you." 

Once more, Kageyama began scrolling through the phone until he found the number he was looking for. Oikawa's best friend, Iwaizumi Hajime. He clicked the little phone button, raising the phone to his ear, and it was then Oikawa moved from his spot and tried to grab his phone. With the ringing sounding, and Kageyama flailing for Oikawa not to grab it, smacking his hands away, it took only a few seconds before the call was picked up.

"The hell do you want, shit face?" Was the greeting Kageyama got from Iwaizumi, of course the other thinking it was best friend calling and not his lover. 

"Hi Iwaizumi-san, this is Kageyama. Not Tooru." One more hard slap from Kageyama made Oikawa stop. 

"Seriously? Why do you have to tell him?" Oikawa asked, still trying to pull the phone away. Kageyama shrugged him off, ignoring him. 

"What happened?" Iwaizumi asked, clear concern in his voice. It was hardly ever the case that Kageyama called him, and hearing Oikawa be stubborn in the background made Iwaizumi sit up in his bed, now paying attention to the commotion on the other end.

"Tooru's been cheating on me for I don't know how long, and he was using you as an excuse when he got out the house!" Kageyama said really fast before the phone was finally snatched. Oikawa hung up the call instantly, throwing his phone onto the couch and he gestured his arms out. "Tobio, what the hell!" 

"Don't! He deserves to know! You've been saying 'I'm going with Iwa-chan!' this whole time! And you knew I trusted you enough to not ask him if that was really true. And I feel like a damn idiot for not doing!"

Oikawa shook his head, "There was no need to bring him into this! Because now he's going to come here-" Just as Oikawa was saying that, his phone started ringing again. "See! And now, if we don't pick up he's going to come here."

"Okay? So what? You're scared?" Kageyama raised a brow, crossing his arms. "Tooru, you... Okay, let's go over the painful obvious one more time. Okay? First, I get a message from an unknown person telling me where to go so I can catch you cheating. I go there, and yes, you were cheating. Then, on top of that, you go home with her and HAVE SEX with her! What's even more fucked up? Her first name is Aki-" Their dog barked, trotting over, and Kageyama gestured to her. "-and she looks like yours truly." 

"I didn't intentionally do it, Tobio!" Oikawa snapped, rather loudly too. "What was I suppose to do? You're never around! You're always busy! Date night is us always staying home. We hardly have sex because you just roll over and sleep. You complain that I never do anything, but when I do, I don't do it right! Then you get mad at me the few days you are home and I have to work- like. I own the gym yes, but I'm not going to shut it down for a day because you're home! I realize I depend on you a lot and it's because of your career, but it doesn't hurt to make me feel needed either. You're doing that damn thing where you do it all by yourself! And you only do that when something doesn't benefit you! I know you, Tobio, I do. And right now, I feel like you don't need me. I wasn't getting ready to leave, I just wanted to feel needed by the one I love. And I had to settle for a fucking look-a-like."

Kageyama stared at Oikawa, his shoulders dropping as he was being yelled. He was the problem...? Well. Of course he was. Oikawa just yelled about. Oikawa turned away from him, shuffling over to the fridge to grab them some water. Silence lingered now between them, their dog jumping up on Kageyama, and he scratching her head before he looked at Oikawa's back. Kageyama tried to fix that problem of his - this independence he ran on - but it seemed like it was just drilled in his bones. It wasn't on the volleyball court anymore, but in his home instead, and it hurt him even more knowing that it was own fault that he drove Oikawa to cheat. 

Oikawa turned, sliding a water bottle over to Kageyama, while he cracked his own open. "So yeah... I cheated. We get that. It hurt you. I get that. But you only EVER think about yourself."

"I don't!" Kageyama snapped, Aki jumping at her owners distress and moving from him. "How can you say that? Fine, I've been busy, and things haven't been happening the way  _you_ wanted them, but you can't say I have only been thinking about myself. Because I haven't. I've been wracking money away for us so we can get out of this city, and go somewhere else, maybe get a new gym, and I could retire, and we would just have money to lay on-"

"But did you talk to me about any of this? Or were just planning it, and thought I would say yes to it?" 

Kageyama got quiet, blue eyes searching Oikawa's face as his brows drew in. "Yeah, that's what I thought. I know you don't like the city, and quite frankly gyms in the city have a better chance of surviving financially than ones in the country. I know you want to go back to country-side, mountain top, no life miles life, but I don't! I like being in the city! And I don't want to just lay on  _your_ money, Tobio. I don't. I get it, you're better than me at a lot of stuff, you're not doing me a favor by letting me sit on your money."

Kageyama shook his head, leaning onto the counter as Oikawa took a water break. "I'm not trying to best you at anything... I'm just trying to love you..."

"So love me the way I need to be loved, and the way you think I do." Oikawa snapped, slamming his bottle down. "And what I need is a partner who is going to be active with me, not get prissy, not control me-"

"Okay!" Kageyama raised his hands, covering his ears. Anxiety had gotten the best of him, and it was obvious with the way Kageyama's chest was rising and falling. The anxiety was just a reminder to Oikawa that that was something he had brought upon Kageyama years ago, and they still struggled with today. "I didn't mean to drive you away... I just wanted to be good enough for you... If the city is what you want, okay. I just wanted Aki to have a place where she can run, she's big..."

Oikawa's eyes shifted over to their dog who had curled up far away from them. Looking down at his hand, he knew he had to stand his ground. This was already out on the table. "Look. I can see you're anxiety is getting the better of you... And you probably feel like you're failing me, or maybe that I'm too harsh on you. But I'm not being harsh. I need you to see where I am coming from. We're adults now, you can't keep letting me indimidate you. We're also a couple... We're not on opposite sides of the net. I  _need_ you to talk to me about plans you want us to do. All that money you're saving for retirement? What are you doing that for? You really want to quit your career early?"

"No..."

"So donate that shit to charity... to a hospital or something. You know Iwaizumi is home from the military, talk to him about donations to the military... They need it too. We don't." Oikawa lectured. Kageyama sighed softly, moving to sit in the chair. He leaned his elbows on the table, nodding. 

"Okay... Okay. I'll talk to Iwaizumi about it, and donate money." Kageyama nodded. His mind was completely thrown off now, and he felt like a mess. Here they were, already trying to work it out, but honestly, Kageyama couldn't shake the thought of Oikawa over some girl that was on her back for him, and it was his own fault. 

The older male stared at Kageyama who was looking down at his water bottle, slowly pulling it forward to finally crack it open to take a sip. A soft sigh left his lips, "As for her... She's gone... You told her off, I'm pretty sure you deleted her-"

"And blocked her."

Oikawa gestured toward Kageyama as if to say 'There you go', "She's out the picture." Oikawa confirmed. Yet... there was something about how  _easy_ it was that made it seem like this was just another lie. Kageyama's blue eyes looked down again, sliding out of the chair, and he walked over to their balcony. Oikawa pulled away from the island of their kitchen, following him. Hugging Kageyama from behind, he pressed a soft kiss to cheek. "You're the one I want to marry... The one I spent the rest of my life with... But you have problems that we need to work out."

Kageyama gripped his hands into his fists. Problems he had that they needed to fix? How could Oikawa say that when there was plenty Kageyama could call out on him too. But one thing was now so apparent to Kageyama that he'd never noticed until Oikawa said that.

Kageyama loved Oikawa unconditionally, no matter his mistakes, his flaws, his  _pettiness_ toward him still, but Oikawa loved Kageyama only on the better days. 

* * *

 

It took only twenty minutes later for Iwaizumi to pop up at their apartment, assaulting the doorbell until someone opened the door. Which, Oikawa sent Kageyama to do it because he didn't want to be punched by a muscled-up soldier in his precious face. So Kageyama opened the door, and Iwaizumi stared up at the tired looking Kageyama. "Is he still here?'

"He's hiding from you..." Kageyama sighed out, moving aside to let Iwaizumi in. The soldier strolled inside, but only turned to look at Kageyama. 

"I don't care what he has to say, and from the looks of it, he seemed to have talked you down." Iwaizumi started. "Kageyama, no disrespect but we both know how he is. I'm already not liking how-"

"He told me I had problems we needed to work out." Kageyama cut in, closing the door then leaning against it. "He's in the bathroom right now, but I think... I'm... finally realizing there is more wrong here than him cheating on me. I told him what I had planned for us, and he got mad at me, and called me selfish for not talking to him about it. So he wants me to donate money to the military and told me to talk to you about it. He told me he wants to marry me, but I have problems..."

"As if he doesn't have problems of his own." Iwaizumi rolled his eyes. "What were your plans?"

"I just wanted to move back to the country, and retire a little early... Give Aki more space to run-around. Get him a new gym. But he got mad... Said that I always am trying to best him..."

"Ungrateful, is what he is. I can understand why he's upset, but that's simply because he's him, and he gets jealous of his own damn lover." Iwaizumi rolled his eyes yet again. He was disgusted with Oikawa and how he treated Kageyama. The soldier had told Kageyama plenty of times to call him if he needed help, but with being away a lot, he couldn't be there as properly as he should. And Iwaizumi was one of the few who didn't approve of this relationship. Not because he cared for Oikawa, no. It was the opposite. It was because he cared so much for Kageyama, and his well-being. Not mention, he had his own regrets as Kageyama's senpai but he was very much happy the kid was still in his life. "Going to the country sounds nice. But don't shorten your career for that piece of shit."

Kageyama gave Iwaizumi a little look. "I'm serious, Kageyama."

"I know... I won't... He already told me not to... I just... I want to getaway. I'm scared he'll cheat again."

"You... You took him back already?"

"He came to the house early this morning- oh, did you eat?" Kageyama asked, moving away from the door. 

"I did not."

"I'll make you breakfast."

"Only if you eat too." Iwaizumi made clear, and Kageyama nodded. Both men moved over to the where the open kitchen was and Iwaizumi sat where the empty chair was, leaning onto the counter. "So I guess you took him back."

"I didn't take him back... He did kiss me on the cheek, but I've been avoiding him after because of what he said." Kageyama spoke as he took out a pan, and went to the fridge to get some eggs and sausages. "He's going to try and tell you that we're okay now, but I have a very strong feeling he's going to go back to that girl..."

"Yeah...?"

"I don't know... Just... The way he spoke... He wants someone dependent, which is not me, and he wants to bang all the time, which I feel like there's no meaning in that. There shouldn't be any harm in waiting for a little while... Y'know?" Kageyama asked, his hands moving to start making the small meal for them. 

"You're right. There's nothing wrong with waiting, and if you aren't in the mood, you aren't. I honestly came here in hopes of talking some sense into you... He can tell me you two are okay all he wants, but he's the one who cheated, and I don't want to hear it from him."

"Right..."

"He's finally showing his true colors, and I wish it didn't have to be in such a crucial point in your life, but he's basically a snake when it comes to you... It didn't occur to me he'd take it as far as cheating... What do you know about this girl?"

"She's everything I'm not, and everything he dreams of having." Turning his back to the food for a few seconds, he looked at Iwaizumi. "Just by hearing it in his voice... I think he only likes me for the looks... But he found someone that has both 'my' looks and the personality he desires... I felt like a washed out mom with everything he said to me..." 

Kageyama's eyes flickered up, before he turned back around to the stove. Iwaizumi peered back to Oikawa walk up to him, a hand being slapped on his back. "Iwa-chan! Nice to see you made it! Kageyama had a little bit of an episode-"

"Shut the fuck already." Iwaizumi snapped. "Glad you took a bathroom break, I've decided that I'm taking Kageyama away from you for the next few days so he can clear his head properly without you talking nonsense into him." 

Kageyama froze over the stove, gently pushing the eggs around before he changed to the sausages. He could feel Oikawa staring at his back, before the brown eyes looked back at a very angry Iwaizumi. Oikawa scoffed, "Excuse me? You're not taking my husband anywhere... Right Tobio?"

A few seconds went by of Kageyama just shifting foods. He didn't even bother to turn around when he gave the reply, "I... I'm going with Iwaizumi for a few days..."

Iwaizumi smirked at the sound of the agreement, and he looked up at Oikawa, holding his hand out. "You're not allowed to be in this house the time being either. Don't be difficult. I work for the country, and I have any rights I want to take what I please from you. House keys. Now."

Oikawa huffed out hard. "You're joking..." But when Iwaizumi shook his head, Oikawa now had an attitude. He fished his keys out of his pocket and smacked them into Iwaizumi's hand, before he made his way over to Kageyama. "I thought we settled this?"

"We did... You got rid of her... You still need to prove yourself... But some space is nice too..." Kageyama replied with, trying to stay calm. Oikawa was being intimidating as he usually did when he didn't get his way, and it was taking Kageyama a lot to not spazz out and cave in, say he's sorry, and do as he pleased. "So please, pack as much as you can for the next-"

"Fourteen days." Iwaizumi peeped in.

"Fourteen days, and leave." 

Oikawa stared at Kageyama, brows drawn in the a rush of anger. Kageyama could see his balled up fists shaking. Oikawa wanted to hit him- and it's happened before. Kageyama was not unknown to domestic violence, but it was never a big enough issue to him. He had his moments where he slapped Oikawa back. But this was a fear he never experienced and it reminded him back to Oikawa hating him. That's it. Oikawa looked like he hated Kageyama. "If you love me, you'll prove it... You'll give me your hotel information... And make an effort..." Kageyama added quietly.

"Fine." Oikawa said, bitterly, sharply. And he turned, storming. "I'll pack my shit and go, and I'll fucking prove it to you." 

Letting out a small nervous sigh, Kageyama moved the pan off the stove, pushing the scrambled eggs and sausages onto plates. He turned around again and set them on the table, a plate in front of Iwaizumi, and one for himself. "You okay?" He asked.

"Yeah..." Kageyama nodded, before it slowly turned to a shake. "No..."

Iwazumi's eyes trained onto Kageyama, who looked just about ready to start hyperventilating. The slamming sounds in the background didn't help much at all, but Oikawa was being Oikawa and throwing a tantrum. Iwaizumi couldn't help but chuckle a bit, catching Kageyama's attention. "Don't worry. He won't touch you. I'll protect you." 

Truthfully, that laugh was enough to make Kageyama feel like this place was a lot safer, even with evil lurking in the house. 


	4. Distance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The world can be a nasty place. You know it, I know it, yeah.  
> We don't have to fall from grace, so put the weapons you're fighting...  
> And Kill them with Kindness."
> 
> Kill em kindness - Selena Gomez

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little late, but I present this chapter to you! Enjoy!

“Are you sure you have everything you need?” Iwaizumi asked, carrying a suitcase and a backpack that contained Kageyama’s stuff. The setter had shut the door behind his dog that trotted out after Iwaizumi, twirling the keys into his hands. He needed to take a small breather already before he turned and nodded at Iwaizumi. The previous 2 hours were stressful. Not much was said, and with Kageyama and Iwaizumi being out in the balcony, Oikawa had gotten his hands on a bottle. It was early in the morning, and only Kageyama knew that Oikawa drank when he was stressed, and even though Kageyama stated to Iwaizumi how he just wanted to deal with this alone with Oikawa, Iwaizumi still denied him. 

Clutching the keys in his hand, Kageyama and Iwaizumi made their way down to the elevator. Kageyama’s blue eyes staring hard at the button as his mind became riddled with thoughts. Brown eyes stared at the distracted blue ones before Iwaizumi raised a hand to squeeze Kageyama’s shoulder, “This is heavy on you, I know it’s going to be hard to not think about it, but try not to. Okay?” Iwaizumi’s rough voice came out softly, his free hand gesturing down at Aki, who was sitting between them, tail wagging. “Look, she’s happy to be going out.”

“Ah- Yeah.” Kageyama nodded, “She wasn’t out yesterday because I was too tired.”

“Well…” Iwaizumi leaned down to grab the dog’s leash, wrapping it around his hand. “My car is parked a little down. Maybe we can drop your stuff off in the trunk, then go for a walk? Maybe play a game or two?”

Kageyama tilted his head, looking down at the dog who seemed to be a little closer to Iwaizumi than him, and it made him smirk a bit. “Yeah.. That sounds nice… Uhm, but… Before I forget about this- Can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“Why are you helping me? Isn’t Oikawa your  _ best friend? _ Shouldn’t you be helping-”

“It’s not a matter of who is my friend and who isn’t, Kageyama. Yeah, he might be my best friend, but he’s also doing a very shit thing. Did… you think I was going to defend that type of behavior?”

“No! I just-”

“I’m on your side, and as I said before, I never wanted you two to be together.”

“But why?”

The elevator let off a soft ding, causing the two to pause in their conversation and walk inside. A small silence settled between them as Kageyama hit the button for them to travel down. “Oikawa shouldn’t be in a relationship with someone he will always envy…” Iwaizumi started, “It’s not healthy for himself to be surrounded by someone he feels competitive with, and it’s damaging to the person he is with. It’s not just you I’ve seen it with, but it’s scarier to see it with you because you’re actually a good person, and he’s… well…”

“Not.”

“Yeah…” Iwaizumi shook his head slightly. “I don’t know what happens behind closed doors, and I know he keeps it that way for a reason. So, I’m happy you called me. If I can stop this, I will.”

Kageyama went quiet, a small wave of shock hitting him. He crossed his arms uncomfortably, not sure if he should take this as advice or an attack. He had to appreciate the straightforwardness of this, but it made him a little nervous too. If Iwaizumi was waiting for this moment- perhaps he needed to bring another person in this to balance out the opinion? 

Once the elevator reached the lobby, the two walked out of the building with that same silence lingering. Aki was just padding alongside Iwaizumi, tugging him forward, only to cut in front of him to sniff the ground, before she ran again, then picked a spot to finally pee. Iwaizumi looked over at Kageyama, who in turn looked away as soon as eye contact was made. The soldier’s jaw tightened, bowing his head, “Sorry if I crossed a boundary.”

“You didn’t. I’m grateful for you.” The comment made Iwaizumi look up at Kageyama who was now staring at him intently. “Without you, I would have let him stay in the house, and talk more nonsense into me. I don’t think I can forget about it, it’s too heavy for me to…”

“I’m realizing a little bit more though now that you said what you did… Like… We shouldn’t love each other, in all honesty. There is a rivalry there. He’s a better person when he’s drunk… And that’s the only time he looks at me with love. Every other time, I feel like he’s tolerating me, but as soon as that bottle is empty, he just pulls me close, and tells me everything I want to hear. I guess I’ve been holding onto the saying ‘A drunk mind speaks a sober heart’ too tightly. Am I tricking myself?”

Iwaizumi stared at him, unsurely giving him a small shrug. “I can’t tell you that… But it shouldn’t have to take for him to be stupid drunk to love you…”

“I haven’t been in many relationships.” Kageyama admitted, “It seems I get into it with people who don’t exactly have the best intentions for me in mind. They’re pretty selfish, and I just- settle with it.”

“Like who, aside from guzokawa?”

“... Do you remember that tall blonde from my high school?”

“Yeah.”

“Well- I dated him all the way through til graduation. It was very - odd. He wasn’t good at expressing, and we got into a lot of arguments where he would say these mean things and leave. It would always leave me up all night, and sometimes matches would be awkward. But he made it work somehow too. When we were alone, he would tell me things others didn’t know, and on special occasions, he would admit his feelings. But spectating it now, he is a lot better than Oikawa is. Not perfect, but… Yeah…” Kageyama’s voice trailed off a bit, the memory of Tsukishima Kei flooding his mind, living back to those hard, weird days in the gym. But it was three years of something also solid. “We broke up after high school because we had two different careers and universities. We had plans to get back together, but I started thinking about myself, and we fell out of rhythm.”

“How long was this?”

“Three years.”

“You love hard, huh?” 

Kageyama smirked a little, shrugging. “I guess so? It was only ever Tsukishima. I went on a few dates but nothing ever clicked to me. I’m too infatuated with volleyball that it just didn’t appeal to me.”

“How did you even come across Oikawa again?”

“Oddly enough… It was not too long after a few matches I had on TV that he messaged me through Twitter and Instagram… He was a bit persistent…”

Iwaizumi sighed softly, shaking his head as he bit back a comment. It amazed him how Kageyama hadn’t thought that Oikawa could have just been using him since he was practically famous now. “What did he say?”

“Just… The normal ‘Hey Tobio-chan’ and telling me how wonderful his life was, and how he had all these dates, and how he didn’t know what to do with them because there was only one person he always liked.” Kageyama paused, giving Iwaizumi a look that spoke ‘yeah right’, “And he was referring to me.”

“So… He gloated, but then said he liked you?”

“Yeah…” Kageyama scoffed, “Honestly, I don’t even know why I got so flustered by it.” He sighed out, moving a hand out to take Aki from Iwaizumi, who then lead them to walk to his car.

“Well, that really isn’t your fault. You always admired him, and wanted that approval.”

“I know.” Iwaizumi bit the inside of his cheek as he watched Kageyama stare down at Aki, trying to control where she walked. 

“Did you guys even train her?”

“I was too busy to train her, and before I knew it, she got too big.”

“But Oikawa couldn’t?”

“I don’t think he cared actually… He always said she was my dog, and that I had to take care of her. So he would just feed her, sometimes play, but other than that, he didn’t interact with her too much.” Kageyama muttered, “I should make him pay for dog-support since he’s gone now.”

Iwaizumi scoffed a bit, “That actually sounds like a good idea.” Kageyama smiled a bit, nudging Iwaizumi who nudged back. It seemed Aki liked the idea too, barking out and the two men snickered. “Here.” 

Iwaizumi ushered Kageyama over to his parked car, instantly moving to the trunk. He pushed it open after he clicked the button on his keys, putting the suitcase and the bag in it, and suddenly, there was an Aki inside the trunk too. The dog parked, paws dropping down on Iwaizumi’s shoulder, tongue licking the soldier’s face, causing him to laugh a bit.

“Ooh, I’m sorry!” Kageyama grabbed Aki by her collar pulling her down, and out the trunk.

“No, it’s okay. I guess she likes me?” He smirked, “Reminds me of my old dog.”

“You had a dog?”

“Yeah- but… that’s a story for another night.” Iwaizumi looked down at Aki, “Park or your new home?” He asked, and the dog barked, hopping into the trunk again.

“I guess home, but Aki, you can’t ride back there.”

“Yeah, you’ll suffocate. You can sit in the front with me.”

“The dog stole my seat already?” Kageyama asked, baffled. Iwaizumi just grinned, giving a simple nod. “Ridiculous.”

* * *

Back at Iwaizumi's apartment, the two were settling Kageyama into Iwaizumi's bedroom. 

As Kageyama pulled his empty suitcase off the bed, he looked over at Iwaizumi’s back, watching the shoulders move as he moved things aside in order to accommodate the new being in the house. Kageyama lowered his eyes, strolling up behind him. His chest was a little tight with anxiety, but he closed his eyes and pushed himself forward a bit, arms wrapping around that broad frame. “Can I say thank you for all this? Really… You’re opening my eyes a bit, and though I’m so unsure of a lot of this, you’re doing a lot for me. It… It’s nice to feel important. Even if it’s not from the person I want it to be from.” 

Iwaizumi froze at the feeling of Kageyama’s arms around him, slowly listening to the words. His rough palms rested down on the drawer in front of him. His brown eyes lowered, jaw tightening again. Honestly, he wanted to punch Oikawa in the face. He didn’t understand how someone could constantly play games with people’s hearts, and how he could joy out of it. Iwaizumi had his share of relationships, and he knew well that everyone was different, but this was crazy for him. Kageyama was a very dedicated person, taking it years at a time with one person, and here was Oikawa, someone who jumped from date to date… Yet, Iwaizumi felt himself really thinking about it. There had to be something about Kageyama that made Oikawa spend nearly five whole years with him. Oikawa was never the type of person to be in a relationship for more than two months, three if it was a good one.

Slowly, Iwaizumi moved back, making Kageyama let go. All Iwaizumi could do was give Kageyama a weary look before he exited his bedroom. “You have two drawers now, please use them.” He said, before he closed the door behind himself. That might have been a little cold, but he was truly pissed off. Oikawa was a selfish prick at times, but he settled with someone? Kageyama Tobio nonetheless? Were they really meant to be with each other? Iwaizumi pulled his phone out, scrolling to the name of his friend. His finger hovered over the call button for a few seconds, eyes searching the screen as if it was going to provide an answer. When it didn’t, Iwaizumi just locked his phone and walked over to the living room, sitting on the couch, and turning his television on. This wasn’t his relationship to think over.

Meanwhile, with Kageyama in Iwaizumi’s room, he was doing as he was told. Placing his clothes away with Aki watching him from the bed. He placed his stuff in order, pants with pants, with shirts, and the next drawer was pajamas and socks and underwear. Kageyama figured he pissed Iwaizumi off, but it was a regular expression from Iwaizumi too. He couldn’t really think too much about it. Maybe the other was mad now that he has to sleep on the couch? It was wrong for Kageyama to come into someone’s house and sleep in their bed, he’d talk to Iwaizumi about the sleeping arrangements later.

A few minutes into sorting, Kageyama’s phone started buzzing on the bed, causing Aki to flinch. The setter quickly grabbed it, raising it to his ear without checking who it was (thank you ‘raise to talk’ feature). “Oikawa, don’t call my phone.” Kageyama greeted with, but the voice on the other end cause his eyes to widen with surprise.

“Kageyama-kun! What happened?” Sugawara asked, clear worry already lacing his sweet voice.

“Ah- Suga-san. I didn’t mean to be rude. I just thought- Oikawa and I are not on good terms right now…”

“Why’s that? Everytime I call you, you guys have some sort of new issue.”

“Well, yeah, but… this one is actually kind of serious.” Kageyama sighed softly, sitting down. Well, here was his other party. “I caught Oikawa cheating the other night, and now I’m staying with Iwaizumi-san at his house.”

“Iwaizumi?? Oh! Whoa! I didn’t know he was back!!” Sugawara exclaimed, “How is he doing?”

“Pretty well? Ah- wow. I didn’t even have a chance to ask or talk to him about it. I sometimes forget how involved he is in the military…”

“It’s okay, you can just ask him later. But what is this about Oikawa cheating? Who did he cheat with?”

“Some… stupid… girl…”

“Is she cute?” 

“Senpai…?”

“I’m joking!” Kageyama could practically hear Suga’s grin, “Do you really think he was seriously cheating?”

“What do you mean by that? We were engaged… We were suppose to be getting married, and he was with a girl. He slept with her that night we fought about it, too…” Kageyama explained, “Someone - I don’t know who - sent me a picture of them going into one of my favorite restaurants, and when I went in, her hands were all over him, and they were laughing and smiling and he looked happy. As happy as he can be.”

“Oh…”

“Yeah, so… I do seriously think he cheated on me. And he knows the mental leverage he has on me, too… I’m so stressed out, and it hasn’t even been a full day…”

“When did you see this…?”

Kageyama pursed his lips a bit, his mind flashing back to the night before. It flashed through his mind quickly, everything. From his entrance, to Oikawa chasing him to the car. “Last night… It hasn’t been a full day yet… He came this morning and tried to apologize. He came with flowers, and I wanted to shove them down his throat- we almost made up, but I called Iwaizumi. Oikawa told me I had problems that him and I would work on, but then Iwaizumi-san came and kicked him out the house.”

“That’s not Iwaizumi’s place to do so.” Sugawara said instantly, clear displeasure in his voice. “It sounds like a very bad situation, but this is a problem between you and Oikawa, not you, Oikawa, and Iwaizumi.”

“Ah… But… He wants me to think with a clear head…” Kageyama said, shifting to lay down in the bed, an arm covering his face. “I told Oikawa he had to prove himself…”

“Yeah, he should. Cheating isn’t good. But don’t you think distance between you and Oikawa would be biased?”

“Wouldn’t him talking in my ear make it even more biased?”

“I guess you have a point. I still think Iwaizumi shouldn’t have joined in.”

“Well, I am the one who called him.” Kageyama sighed out, “It doesn’t matter. Oikawa doesn’t have keys, I have Aki, and we’re at Iwaizumi’s apartment. I don’t know where Oikawa is, but I told him that I wanted his hotel information, so maybe, if he’s settled, I will drop by later and talk to him without Iwaizumi knowing.”

“How… How are you feeling?”

“Like my picture-perfect world is caving into a dark hole… I don’t know what I should do…”

“I think Oikawa just wanted to test his freedom before he got married. When we go out on our double-dates, I can see it in his eyes. He looks at you with such awe, and he always looks so eager to hold your hand. He seems like a flustered school girl sometimes, so I don’t think he really meant to cheat. Oikawa is use to… you know… short term things… So maybe he wanted more fling before he made it official with you?”

“But he could have told me? He didn’t have to lie about it.”

“Do you honestly think you would be okay if Oikawa came up to you and said, ‘Hey, Tobio! I want to go on a date before we get married’-”

“So if Daichi did that to you, you would be okay with it?” The line went quiet, and Kageyama gritted his teeth with irritation. “You shouldn’t give advice you can’t take yourself…”

“Oikawa and Daichi are two different people, Kageyama-”

“But it’s the same concept!” Kageyama snapped harshly, before he sat up again. “What Oikawa did was wrong, and there is a lot more in play than him just fucking some girl-”

“Kageyama!”

“No! I’m upset! And I’m entitled to it! He cheated! And pinned it on me that I was the problem and that I caused this!” Kageyama’s voice cracked slightly, his eyes instantly swelling, “I am not a problem! He knows who I am, and how I am! He didn’t cheat for four years! Almost five!” He was pacing, “I dedicated five whole years of my life to him, because he made it seemed like I was worth it, and he was going to finally stop with his shitty life style, but he didn’t! You don’t sleep with a girl when you’re about to get married!”

“Okay, Kageyama, take a deep breath-”

“Why am I not worth it enough to him? I didn’t do anything that bad to make him want to do this to me! Why is he always playing me? I’m not a puppet on a string for him to do this!” Kageyama sobbed out, covering his mouth as he felt his voice raising up. He felt like he was going to have a mental breakdown. How could Oikawa really sit there in his face and tell him that he was wrong for trying to plan a future? Fine, things weren’t in the plan that Oikawa wanted, but he could have spoke up about it! But Oikawa never did, which lead Kageyama to believe that it was all okay! Why did he have to swing at him from left field, a blind spot and cheat. “When did he even have time to cheat on me?! We were only engaged for four months!” He exclaimed before he covered his mouth again. He was hyperventilating, hands shaking again. 

“Kageyama, please, listen to me… Just take a deep breath.” Kageyama did so, “Now let it go.” Again, he did so. “Now, message me Iwaizumi-sans address, and I will be over with pork buns and milk, okay? And we can all sit and watch some movies, and play with Aki.”

“Okay…” Kageyama choked a bit, nodding to himself. 

“It’s going to be okay, we will get through this. I take back what I said about Iwaizumi-san, and I think he was right to pull you out of there… This sounds worse than what I thought…”

Kageyama just shook his head, letting out a small cry that was followed by a whimper. “Okay…” He pushed out, but after that, he just hung up on Suga. He got up and walked to the door. Opening it, he peeked his head out into the living room, looking at Iwaizumi who was half-asleep on the couch already. Kageyama walked over to him, poking him in the chest. It caused the soldier to snap awake, blinking his eyes open to see a wet-faced Kageyama. Instantly sitting up, he pulled Kageyama to sit on his lap, hugging the setter that was curling into his body. “Hey hey, don’t cry.” He said, rubbing Kageyama’s back, “What happened?”

“Tooru doesn’t love me.” He cried, hiding his face in the others neck, “I’m not good enough for him, and I won’t ever be, and I don’t know what else I can do to change for him because he will never see me.”

Iwaizumi’s eyes widened a bit with disbelief, shaking his head. He moved, taking Kageyama’s face into his hands. “Hey! Don’t say that! You shouldn’t have to change your being for someone- they’re suppose to love you for who you are, not for something you’re not! You don’t have to change, and you shouldn’t. Especially not for someone like Kusokawa!” Iwaizumi snapped lightly, thumbs brushing the tears off Kageyama’s face. “You’re worth more than the stars in the skies… Kageyama, your heart deserves better than someone who gives you love at the bottom of that bottle… Don’t empty yourself out for him. Not anymore.”

Kageyama hiccuped, taking hold of Iwaizumi’s hands and pulling them down. He took a deep heavy breath, before he choked on his tears again, shaking his head fairly hard. “I know, I know. I shouldn’t have to but he makes me feel like I do… I just wanna die sometimes… He makes me feel like shit…”

Iwaizumi dropped his hands into Kageyama’s lap. Clearly there was something much deeper there, so all he could say was, “Let it out.”

Kageyama looked up at Iwaizumi, before he looked down, doing his best to stop his tears enough to open a story he never bothered to touch. “I just- never know how to make him happy? He comes home crabby from work, complaining about kids and teenagers, and he expects me to give him something? He acts like he’s the only one stressed from work, but he always comes home to a hot ready meal, and he gets mad at me when I get caught up in the court because I can’t cook for him - like he thinks I personally chose to not cook for him that night. He’s always yelling at me about something I didn’t do right - like if I accidentally put up the wrong shades, or put down the wrong bedsheet. Stupid shit like that. He gets mad when Aki pees in the house too, but he won’t bother to take her out? She’s trained to pee outside only, but if she has to go, and he won’t take her out, she’ll pee inside. Why can’t he just take her out? And then, sometimes, when we argue…”

“He’ll hit from anger…” Kageyama whispered. “I would hit him back, but it’s more like… shoving him away and trying to walk away…”

“What…?”

“He would slap me, or pull my arm hard when I leave.” Iwaizumi locked eyes with Kageyama, and Kageyama instantly regretted opening his mouth about it, but tears slid down the setters face again. “He doesn’t love me, does he…?”

Iwaizumi averted his eyes from Kageyama’s, his arms simply pulling Kageyama down to hug him. He had nothing to say, no answer to give, and no direction to provide now. “Am I the only one who knows this…?”

“Yeah…”

The soldier sighed softly, tucking Kageyama’s head under his chin and snuggling him closely. Words couldn’t describe how pissed he was, and actions could barely cover  _ how badly _ Iwaizumi wanted to take Kageyama away from Oikawa. How could someone lay hands on the one they’re suppose to love? Honestly, Iwaizumi had no clue how much of a villain Oikawa could be, but maybe Oikawa really wasn’t happy with Kageyama either? He stopped an altercation once way back, way way back. But behind that expensive door of their apartment, Oikawa was doing stuff he always wanted to Kageyama. Oh, how Iwaizumi was hoping that this was all the final bad. He didn’t want to hear anything else.

“But… I can’t just blame him for that. I yell at him all the time about how terrible he is, and I’ve kicked him out multiple times. I was in Greece for a match and I had taken his keys from him…” Kageyama peeped, snuggling more into the chest. “I know it’s terrible, me and him… We just… Go at it until neither of us have the voice to scream anymore, but in the end, it’s all whispers about what we could be if we changed. Sometimes he pins it on me, sometimes he says it’s both of us. Very rarely does he say it’s us both… It’s just- he just has this thing where he can’t recognize his own faults, and he’ll cry about it, and whine about things, and he’ll pin it on someone else because he doesn’t want to admit he’s wrong. But when it’s too late, he’ll jump out and say he’s sorry? It isn’t a masculinity thing either, he’s just someone who can’t take blame because he swears he’s perfect. He blamed me for his knee one time, and he said it, ‘If it wasn’t for you, I would be fine. You’re not suppose to be better than your senpai. This is your fault.’ and I never wanted to stop playing volleyball before, but he made me want to at that moment.”

“I almost left him that night, too. I actually left my own apartment and slept at a hotel for a night. That next day, my coach asked me, ‘Are you going to play with your team and pathe a future with us? Or play with a past you can’t change?’ So I left with my team. When I came back, he had flowers and pork buns all over the place, Aki was cleaned-” Kageyama shook his head, “I know I should leave, but sometimes his love is too good, that I can’t.”

“He doesn’t know how to love me properly, and I have more than enough reasons to leave him, but he only ever needed one to keep me by his side, and that reason was that he stood by me, and loved me. Sometimes he would come by the gym with water and snacks, or he would take me out when I got home. Nights I came home with jet lag, he would run hot baths for me, and let me sleep as much as I wanted, and fed me. He did take care of me… I’m not sure when that changed into arguments about me leaving…”

“Like two months into the engagement, everything got rougher? I don’t know if he thought that putting a ring on me would fix the problems we were slowly facing, but it felt like it made everything worse…” Kageyama looked down at his empty hand before he peeled away from Iwaizumi’s chest, looking at him. “Maybe this is the end? This girl… But maybe he’s trapped in his own toxic cycle. Iwaizumi-san, what were his past relationships like?”

Iwaizumi raised a brow, thinking back. Very softly, quietly, his voice came out. “I don’t know… I wasn’t really around for them… You took up a good chunk of his life… The girls he dated were all just flings, and he always blamed them for not being good enough, that he broke up with them. Most of the girls didn’t even know what they did wrong. They were all some sort of doll to him and he seemed unfulfilled. But with you, he seemed happy as he could be… I don’t know when that changed either…” Iwaizumi admitted. Now that he thought about, Oikawa did gradually stop talking about his love for Kageyama, and slowly started talking about how badly he missed volleyball, and how he was trying to find a new path for himself. “I think Oikawa needs space? Just like you do. But maybe this wasn’t the expected space?”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m not sure how to say this… Oikawa was probably very quiet with you, which just means he’s beating himself up about something. He doesn’t really function that well, and he doesn’t like to admit it, but he has this anxiety that nags at him when things don’t go his way, or if he feels like he’s being held back.” 

“So I’m holding him back?”

“I wouldn’t say you… But that is something you might want to talk to him about when you talk to him again…” Iwaizumi advised, watching Kageyama’s shoulders drop with dismay. He could see the other was feeling defeated, and quickly he was getting pulled under, like he was trapped in Oikawa’s quicksand. Trying to push through a storm that wasn’t letting up. 

Slowly, Kageyama’s words started to form again. The looked on the setters face seemed to show that he was done, he was tired, and he was ready to throw in the flag. With a slight head tilt, he spoke, eyes locked on Iwaizumi’s. “Well, he can choke on his anxiety all he wants. Anxiety doesn’t lead you to cheat on someone, anxiety keeps you up at night wondering if you’ll get caught. He didn’t care.” And with that, Kageyama shifted off Iwaizumi’s lap, running a hand through his black strands and pushing his hair all the way back. “I’ll be in the room with Aki if you need me. I need some time to think. I’m also sending Sugawara your address because he knows now, and he wants to see me.”

“Yeah, that’s- okay…” Iwaizumi answered, letting Kageyama close the door on his words. He honestly couldn’t get mad, and he wouldn’t… But he wanted to hold Kageyama for a little bit longer. He wasn’t sure, but it was just a feeling he had.

* * *

It was 6PM when Sugawara had appeared at Iwaizumi’s door step. The two stared at each other for a bit before Suga cracked a smile at the soldier, poking at his chest. There was a nice wedding band on his finger, and Iwaizumi raised a brow. “Married? To who?”

“None other than my high school sweetheart.~ You’re now looking at Sawamura Koushi! But you can still say Sugawara if you want. I know Kageyama still calls me such.” He smiled, poking the other’s chest again. “But you, mister. Look at you! You’re so strong!”

“Yeah? You think so?” Iwaizumi asked, rubbing his chest, faking that the other had hurt him. He gestured for Suga to enter, which he did. Looking around the house, he went over to the couch, sitting. Iwaizumi was not far behind him. “Kageyama ended up falling asleep, he woke up like an hour ago, showered, and went back into the room. He hasn’t eaten, either. I just ordered some pizza though, so that should be on it’s way soon.”

“Poor man…” Suga sighed softly, leaning forward on his knees. “He didn’t talk much about it, but it’s so fucked up. I would  _ kill _ Daichi if he ever thought of cheating… So what’s the story? I know Kageyama went to the restaurant, and it’s a girl, and he slept with her that same night the fight happened - please get me up to speed?”

“That’s basically just it. Not much happened. Oikawa lied to him saying that he was coming to see me, when really he was going out with the girl. Aaannnd, I found out that they’ve been arguing heavily, and Oikawa has been appointing what sounds like endless stupid blame, to me, on Tobio. Making him feel bad about himself to the point where Kageyama told me he wanted to die… That’s concerning to me.”

“Yeah… Very…” Suga shook his head, getting up from the seat on the couch, “Anything else?”

“No, not that I know of.” Iwaizumi muttered, not sure what he was allowed to tell Suga, or not. He didn’t want to cross a line and have Kageyama mad at him. No. Anything but that. Iwaizumi looked away from Suga, his brows pulling in. Why the hell did he care so much? He should tell Suga! So he wasn’t the only one telling Kageyama how shit Oikawa was! But this was getting hard - Oikawa was his best friend. Iwaizumi pulled his phone out, watching as Suga walked over to the door of the bedroom, lightly knocking on it. Iwaizumi took that time to slip out of his apartment, calling Oikawa. It didn’t take long for the former setter to pick up. “Iwa-chan!~” The distressed voice rang out, “I’m so glad you called! How is Tobio-chan doing?”

“You hit him?” Iwaizumi instantly asked. A small silence fell on the line, and Iwaizumi could practically see Oikawa frowning, regret clawing at the other’s back already.

“I lost control of my anger… I should have taken anger management classes a long time ago…” Oikawa muttered out, sighing. “Iwa-chan, I don’t know what to do. He’s so blazing mad at me and you’re not helping!”

“How am I supposed to help you when you hit him and make him feel like shit? Is there even any communication between you two?” Iwaizumi snapped out harshly. 

“No! But that’s not just my fault-!”

“Don’t pin it on him, Oikawa, I already talked to him. It seems I’m the only who knows you’ve laid hands on him. Not only that, but you have a drinking problem too? What the hell is going on with you?”

“I’m very depressed!” Oikawa snapped back. “I’ve been depressed for a while, and it isn’t even Tobio’s fault! It’s my own fault! I love watching him succeed but I want to be on his level, still. I want to play, and it’s stressing me out so badly. I know I can’t do things the way I use to because of my knee, and I get so jealous… I see him and I want to punch him and I do-”

“ _ Punch?  _ ” Iwaizumi asked, shaking his head, “He told me you slapped him, but never punched.”

“I punched him once in the face… And gave him a bloody nose… I told him he was prettier damaged, and then I blamed him for my knee… I was expecting him to quit volleyball after that, but he still left to play… I thought he was going to leave me…” Oikawa admitted over the phone, and Iwaizumi put two and two together. So Kageyama still lied to him and tried to sugarcoat for this asshole. Iwaizumi was shaking so bad. 

“You know, even if I wanted to help, I wouldn’t. Not now. Not after that. I hope he breaks up with you. Fuck you, Kusokawa!” Iwaizumi quickly ended the call, taking a deep for himself. He couldn’t believe what he just heard. He gave Kageyama a bloody nose? He ran his hands down his face, shaking his head. Why was Kageyama dipping down to this? He called Oikawa to hear him out, but this was ridiculous. Depression, anxiety, and jealousy were taking control of this relationship on Oikawa’s end, and it was fear, anxiety and what else? Addiction? Taking over on Kageyama’s end. Iwaizumi’s phone started ringing again, briefly looking at the screen just to find it was Oikawa again. He shook his head, but reluctantly, he answered. “What.”

“I know you’re blazing pissed off at me-”

“No shit.”

“But I swear, I do love Tobio!”

“You told him he had problems you both needed to fix, as if he was the only one.”

“I don’t want him to know how weak I actually am…”

“So you constantly make him feel like shit?”

“I am the worst boyfriend ever….”

“I know you are. You’re damn well proving it, too. And sleeping with that girl again? Seriously? Where the fuck are you?” Iwaizumi was losing his patience with this conversation. This wasn’t his fight, honestLy, he wasn’t sure what he was getting so worked up over. 

“My mom’s house… Kageyama can check my phone from his. I really am here. I didn’t want to spend money on a hotel for fourteen fucking nights. How am I supposed to prove myself to him when you’re playing guard dog to him, too?” Oikawa questioned, and Iwaizumi’s breath got caught. “I know I’m being a shitty boyfriend, but you’re really pushing for us to break up, Iwa-chan… I did something bad to Tobio-chan, not you. Why are you getting so upset?”

“Because you’re acting out worse with him than the girls, and this is someone who actually loves you.”

“I know he does! And I love him too! I talked to my mom, and I know my issues. I’m going to work on them, but I can’t do that without my dearest Tobio next to me.~ Tell me Iwa-chan, where were you going to sleep? I know you have PTSD, are you going to dump your issues on Kageyama now too? He’s already dealing with me, and now he has to deal with you too.”

Iwaizumi’s jaw tightened, a small smile coming to his face before a chuckle slipped free. “You’re really fucked up in the head, and I’ve killed people, Oikawa. Seriously, you don’t need Kageyama next to you 24/7 to prove to him. If you’re as depressed as you’re saying, get some medication to get that and your anxiety back on track. It doesn’t take fourteen days for pills to settle, it takes a good three to seven. You have time.”

“Iwaizumi. You took my husband into your house. I know what you’re doing. You think I’ve never noticed how much you favored Kageyama? Stay away from MY husband.” It was now Iwaizumi who was hung up on. For a few seconds, Iwaizumi lingered there with the phone to his ear before he pulled it down. He stared at the name that was on the screen, a red background to show that the call had dropped…

That was right. Iwaizumi had always had a little thing for Kageyama, he thought the boy was wonderful passed anyone expectations, and seeing him now, grown, and even more handsome… There was a possibility that something was stirring up inside Iwaizumi again. A small scoff left his lips as he clicked his phone to lock, shoving his phone back into his pocket. He didn’t have intentions on stealing Kageyama, and he was going to start blocking out the possibility of wanting Kageyama for himself. Though, Iwaizumi knew damn well he could take much better care of Kageyama, even with his setbacks, but Oikawa was right. Kageyama was still Oikawa’s husband at the end of the day. He shouldn’t be applying pressure for them to break up.

* * *

Sugawara was sitting on the bed with Kageyama, embracing him tightly before he let go. Kageyama let go slowly, a tired smile dressing his face as he watched Sugawara’s face. It amazed Kageyama still how Suga looked as if he was gentler as the years went by. He slid his hand onto Suga’s, eyeing the wedding ring, and his own eyes dropped a bit. He took in a small breath, before he let his hand go and looked back up at him. “Thank you for coming over. This- depression is kicking me hard.” Kageyama admitted, “Talking to Iwaizumi-san can only help but so much…”

“You don’t have to rush to get better, Tobio.” Suga said, brushing Kageyama’s bangs to their proper look on his face. “It just happened yesterday, and a lot has happened in one day. It’s like - something out of one of my reality shows. Just without the cameras to catch it all. I talked to Iwaizumi-san a little bit, and he told me that it was worse than what I thought.”

“Can I just.. Apologize? I didn’t think it was something past trying to work out, but it sounds like it. He isn’t very kind to you, and you don’t deserve that.”

“You don’t have to apologize… I mean… As I keep talking about it, the more I’m realizing how much more is wrong. I want to get back at him for this, but not in a nasty way. I just want to like, stroll down the street and pass by him, and have him be like, ‘Damn, I really fucked up.’” Kageyama explained slowly, shaking his head. “Only a day… Around this time, he was getting all fancied up, and he told me he was going out with Iwaizumi to this new fancy pub. Gave me the name and address of the place and everything. He covered his bases before he left… To think it was to go out with some-- girl. Seriously, if you saw her, you’d say, ‘Wow, she looks just like Kageyama. But with tits.’”

Suga cracked a small smile, rubbing Kageyama’s leg. “Well, at least he was still thinking about you?” Kageyama gave him a look, getting a quick head shake from the gray-haired beauty. “I am joking.”

“I’m going to ask something that probably isn’t going to be appropriate, but… I kind of want to know.”

“Go ahead.”

“Do you… Happen to still be in contact with Kei?”

Sugawara blinked, tilting his head a bit. “Tsukishima Kei?” Kageyama nodded. “Yes, why?”

“Is he dating anyone?”

“Last time I talked to him, he said he gave up on dating…” Kageyama nodded again, looking off to the side. “I probably shouldn’t be saying this either, but he also told me that he has had trouble finding someone who understood him as you did. Well, you, oddly enough, seemed to have had the right amount of patience with him, and knew just when to call him out on his bullshit to get him back in line. He says he misses you, and he regretted letting all the time slip in between. Did you want his number again?”

Kageyama slowly looked back at Sugawara, not expecting that at all. He quickly shook his head, shutting the thought down before it could form. “As much as it would be nice to talk to him again, and get back on track, I am still committed to Oikawa. I can’t just drop him and run off with another man.”

“Why not? He dropped you and ran off with a woman?”

Kageyama grimaced at the words, but he shook his head sharply again . “I know… But still. It’s way too soon for me to try to engage with him again. For one, I know it will be purely for the sake of rebound, and I don’t know how he is this day and age. I don’t want to guess him as if I know who he is still? If I’m going to open that door again, I want to be ready, have a good mind, and not just want someone to numb my pain…” Kageyama lowered his eyes, smirking a bit. “But it is nice to hear that I still linger in his mind. Sometimes he lingers in mine, too… But maybe I shouldn’t open the past again either, but go to something new?”

“So… You’re giving up on Oikawa?” Suga asked, and Kageyama paused. He flopped back on the bed, throwing his hands over his face. 

“I don’t know… He has fourteen days to win me back, fourteen chances to prove himself.”

“Also fourteen chances to make a mistake again that can make this go all crazy again.”

“I don’t know what I’m going to do… I just- yesterday, he had his hands on some girl… Why can’t I have my hands all over someone else? How would he feel if he walked in on me and some person acting as if we’re in love for the public to see? What if he was the one who was famous and now has to worry about the tabloids and media finding this out? He is so selfish!” Kageyama gruffed. He got up from his seat, “I don’t want to think about this anymore.”

Storming from the room, Sugawara followed, and it seemed Iwaizumi walked in just in time. He gave a heartwarming smile to both of them, but all Kageyama could do was roll his eyes at him which made the soldier’s smile vanish. He looked over at Suga who shook his head lightly, moving a hand to signal that it’s best to leave the other alone.

Kageyama pulled the fridge open, his hand moving to grab the first bit of alcohol he could find. He pulled the top off, taking a swing right from the bottle which made both Iwaizumi and Sugawara move to his side. “Kageyama!” Iwaizumi growled out, snatching the bottle at an angle that wouldn’t spill, Suga holding Kageyama’s back. “Let’s… Avoid drinking for tonight. Yeah? Especially on an empty stomach. You slept through lunch.”

The doorbell rang. Iwaizumi gave the bottle to Suga who instantly began to close it; and Iwaizumi took some steps back, smiling at the glaring Kageyama. “And food has arrived.” He said before he turned on his heels. He pulled the door open, looking up at the man who had their food. Iwaizumi’s smile faded some as the face registered to someone he once knew, but he quickly pushed that to the back of his mind. Suddenly, Oikawa’s voice was taunting Iwaizumi about his PTSD. Iwaizumi quickly paid, tip included, and sent the man off. He brought the box over to the little coffee table he had, gesturing for the other two to join.

“Let’s go, grumpy.” Suga said, taking Kageyama’s wrist. He brought him to sit down across from Iwaizumi and he took his own seat between them. Iwaizumi pulled the pizza box open, and instantly, Kageyama reached for a slice. He was hungry. Just as Iwaizumi was reaching for his own, Suga opened his mouth. “So how has the military been treating you?”

“Like a dog rather than a human.” Iwaizumi answered, snatching a bite. “Nothing really new or different from what you hear about in those bad stories. Broken promises, people getting left behind…” He shrugged. 

“Any stories to tell?”

“Depends,what kind of story do you wanna hear? A happy one? Or a sad one?”

Suga hummed softly, “A happy one!”

“Alright, well. One Christmas, when I was settling in China for a bit, my partner brought us these stack of letters, and they were written by middle schoolers and freshmen in high school. This one kid wrote about how badly he wanted to be in the military and he how looked up to us. He said it was his dream, and he even went into detail about the family he had in the military, talked about how his brothers ex-girlfriend was, and everything. He basically poured his heart and soul into it. He even dropped his email in the letter because he wanted to talk more. So, Akane, that’s my partner, took him up as a pen pal, and told this kid about the wonders we have on seeing the world. But he waited until they were on a skype call to expose all the actual dangers of it. One of our roommates were having an episode at the time, and we usually can’t touch him or else he tried to break our arm. So yeah. Akane thought it was smart to expose the kid to that kind of thing after he built him up on how great the military was.”

“The kid though…” Iwaizumi smirked a bit, shaking his head before he gave a shrug. “He said he wasn’t scared, he still wanted to do it. So Akane asked him recruiting questions. But the kid had a problem that would prevent him from joining. Akane had to let him down.”

Sugawara’s brows raised, “Wow… That’s bravery.”

“Eh, bravery only shows in the field. Not through a computer screen.” 

A small chuckle left Suga’s lips as he finally grabbed himself a slice, “You sure have changed.” Kageyama nodded in agreement. Iwaizumi could only smirk, and the trio fell silent, eating their pizzas.

* * *

After hours of playing games, consuming alcohol despite the protest of it earlier that evening, and music with some dancing, Iwaizumi sent Sugawara home in a cab. The soldier headed into the shower as Kageyama settled comfortably into the soldier’s bed. It smelled like him, which wasn’t surprising at all, but it was comforting. Kageyama turned over onto his side, watching as Aki settled in her place next to him. He raised a hand out, petting her fur, “We’re gonna have to rename you, because you don’t need to share a name with a bitch.” Kageyama muttered, but Aki didn’t care. The dog just rested her head on the pillow she claimed, closing her eyes and letting out a small puff of air through her nose; as if she was the one who was tired. Kageyama let out a small chuckle, his own eyes falling closed.

He was just about ready to drift away into a sleep when his phone started buzzing abruptly in his pants pocket. Groaning, he rolled onto his back, pulling his phone out and blindly answering it, “Hello?”

“Hello. Is this Kageyama Tobio?” A sweet, familiar voice spoke. Kageyama’s brows drew in, slowly sitting up in his bed.

“Who is this?”

“Suzuki Aki… The uh… mistress…” 

Kageyama scoffed, “Why do you sound so unsure of that? You are the mistress.”

“Yes… I know.”

“How did you even get my number?”

“I look through Oikawa’s phone that night he slept over. Your name had Husband on it, so I jotted down your number. I wanted to talk.”

“There is nothing I have to say to you-”

“Wait! Please!” Kageyama sighed hard. “We’re both victims here to Oikawa… Of course I had no idea he was about to get married. He never wore his wedding band, not on the right hand I mean. So I had no clue. The band always jumped between fingers but never that one, so I never paid attention to it. I just want you to know that I am sorry if I seemed disgusted but I’m not! I don’t care if you guys are gay, but I love Oikawa…”

“Why are you telling me this…?”

“I’ve been dating Oikawa for two months, and he always told me that I looked like this famous volleyball player named Kageyama Tobio, and he always talked about you. I was getting worried that I was fighting a ghost because he had high expectations. But I realized now that I wasn’t fighting a ghost, it was actually you. I thought he just caught up in some fantasy…”

“Two months you said…?”

“Yes… That night… You were so upset…” 

Kageyama pressed his lips together, bowing his head. “I’ve known him since middle school. He was senpai, and I his kouhai. I was always infatuated with him, but he typically didn’t give me the time of day. High school, he wanted to make sure he could best me. As adults, he gave that up and just decided to love me. Me and him have been dating for four years, close to five in another few months. We’ve been engaged for four months.”

“I see…”

“Suzuki, I don’t know what you think you’re gaining by calling me-”

“I want to be friends with you.” Suzuki cut in sharply, “I know it’s silly for me to want to be friends with my enemy, but I know Oikawa is closing up on me, and I’m not sure what’s happening. He told me you kicked him out, and I offered him a place to stay, but he said no. So I’m worried.”

Kageyama couldn’t but smile at hearing Oikawa telling her no. “I wouldn’t know, I haven’t called him all day. I guess he unblocked your number, too…” He sighed out.

“I don’t want to give up on Oikawa.”

“Me either.”

“But it seems like he’s only going to give us each bits and pieces of what’s going on with him. Can we please keep each other updated on when we see Oikawa? We don’t have to disclose what happens with him, but I want to at least know he is okay when he’s with you, or not. I promise I’ll return the information.”

Kageyama hesitated deeply about this, staring at the darkness ahead of him as he listened to the soft snores coming from his dog. What was the last thing Sugawara told him before he left?  _ To kill them with kindness _ . That’s right. Kageyama let another small smile play on his lips as he nodded slightly to himself. “I will Suzuki. Anything you want to know, I’ll tell you. But you have to return the same amount of information.”

“I will!” The voice on the other end peeped up rather brightly, “Thank you so much, Kageyama- _ kun _ ! May the best  _ lover _ win!” 

“Goodnight, Suzuki.”

“Goodnight!”

Like nothing, their call ended. Kageyama laid back in the bed, dropping his phone on the floor as he pulled his arm over his face. Suddenly, his whole body ached, his mind drew a huge blank, and he was fresh out of tears, and fresh out some fucks to give. But it resonated in his mind…

 

 

**_Let the best lover win._ **

 


	5. The Unseen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little short, a little messy, but I hope you enjoy!

“Kageyama!” 

The setter inhaled, back arching, hands stretched out, eyes trained on the volleyball. As soon as it landed in his fingers with his mid jump, he changed the momentum of the spin, tossing it over to Hinata’s direction. The ginger, not much taller than their usually height difference, did his signature jump, swinging his hand down to spike the ball down. A loud thud sounding on the floor as the freak duo had once again, for the millionth time, done their ‘freak quick-attack’.  

With light feet, Hinata landed on the floor, and the partners smiled at each other, high fiving. Even against their own team, it seemed the world would never get use to them, and for them, it felt wonderful to be unbeatable almost. 

“Alright guys, time for a break!” Their coach called out. As the pair made it way to the bench, a towel was dropped on Kageyama’s head by their team captain, Miyazaki Yuu, with a slight head rub. “You did well today, Kageyama-kun. How are you feeling?”

“Great.” Kageyama answered, pushing the towel down to his shoulders, and smiling up to his captain. The older man crossed his arms, raising a brow before he smirked a bit. Just as Miyazaki opened his mouth to say something, a rather annoying sound shredded through the gym, causing both men to look over in the direction it came from. 

“Tooooooobio-chan!~ I knew you had practice today!!” Oikawa stated, making a grand entrance as if he was still a king. He had a smile on his face, with a big bear in one hand, and balloons in the other. The bear had a bookbag on too, and Kageyama looked at this mortified. What did not help was that one of the balloons turned over, exposing the words ‘I’m Sorry!’ in bubbly Kanji. 

“Uh, are you sure you’re okay?” Miyazaki asked Kageyama, who looked at him before he looked away, shaking his head. A soft scoff came from Kageyama, raising a hand to his captain as he walked away from him and up to Oikawa.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing here?! I’m at practice!” Kageyama snapped, hand pushing Oikawa to take a few steps back away from his teammates. The setter could just feel everyone's eyes on them, and he wanted to punch Oikawa for coming like this. His practice was not the place to be settling this.

Oikawa just simply smiled, tilting his head to the side. “I didn’t mean to intrude, but I couldn’t go to Iwa-chan’s house. He would kill me on the sight. You know he has used shotguns before, right?” Oikawa asked, taking a small jab at his friend that was absent. “Plus, I wanted a moment alone with you and it seems I came at the right time. Can we go for a walk?”

Kageyama looked at Oikawa before he looked back at Miyazaki who shrugged, gesturing for him to go. With a soft sigh, Kageyama nodded, leading Oikawa outside to the hallway. As soon as the door closed, Oikawa placed Kageyama’s treats down, and took the setter's hands. He smiled down at them, thumbs running over them, before he lifted them to place soft kisses. “My dearest Tobio~ You don’t know how awful I’ve been feeling… I truly regret what I did.”

“Oh yeah?” Kageyama raised a brow, peeling his hands away slowly before he crossed them over his chest, “I feel like you’re trying to talk down to me even though this is suppose to be an apology… I’m not going to forgive you so easily--”

“Remember, one won, one loss.” Oikawa said suddenly, causing Kageyama to freeze. He was now staring at a very serious Oikawa. 

Kageyama’s arms slowly moved away from his chest, lips pursing a bit. Oikawa said that Kageyama last time they were on the court, and ever since then, all these years, not once did they ever play against each other. It almost hurt Kageyama that Oikawa was bringing that up, and he was hoping they could just leave their equal won and loss at that but obviously, Oikawa couldn’t. “I have a team…”

“So do I.”

“Without Iwaizumi-san as your ace?”

“Well, here’s the thing. Your team is internationally known and competitive and-”

“Drop it!” Kageyama snapped. “You’re… You’re suppose to be here to apologize, you’re suppose to be winning me over, not challenging me to something you’re going to lose to. You already said it, my team is professional. All training for the olympics now… Don’t you love me? Or you won’t love me until you beat me again? Is that what’s going to take?”

Oikawa’s eyes widened a bit, shaking his head instantly. “No, no, Tobio! You’re already taking it the wrong way! I don’t want to play you for the sake of winning, I want to play you so we can have that youthful drive again-”

“Youthful drive? You mean the one where you hated me? If you’re trying to bring this back to high school love, you’re on your own for that, Tooru… I had my High School love, and it wasn’t you that fulfilled it…”

Mentioning High School love, Tsukishima appeared into Kageyama’s mind, and his heart ached slightly. A new ache that he hadn’t felt in awhile since the couple had broken up. 

“Okay! Shut up!” Oikawa sighed harshly, “I don’t want to hear about how in love you were with someone else… I’m sorry I didn’t get to you sooner… I’m not sure how to make up for this other than offering for us to play volleyball again…”

“Volleyball is the thing that’s tearing us apart… That and your damn attitude.”

Oikawa lowered his eyes, briefly looking away before he made eye contact with Kageyama again. “And you won’t quit for me?”

Baffled, Kageyama glared at Oikawa. How could Oikawa say that? Didn’t they just argue about this the other day? Kageyama explained how he was trying to figure out a way to save so that he could leave early and spend the rest of his life with Oikawa? “Oh, how quickly we forget things, huh?”

“What?”

“Do you even ever hear anything that comes out of my mouth? Or are you still too wrapped up in your own world to take me into consideration? You make me feel like the selfish one for wanting to do things  _ FOR YOU _ but you can’t even listen to me? Can you even tell me why we’re not getting married anymore?”

“Wait, slow down-”

“No! Take your damn stuffed bear and your stupid ‘I’m sorry’ balloons and get out! Go home! G-go fuck that g-girl again!” 

“No! No.. And oh, yeah, NO! I’m not going anywhere, and I’m not taking your gifts back. They’ll stay there until you take them or someone steals them. And I am not going to go back to that girl. I don’t want her- I want you! I didn’t come here to argue, Tobio, I came here because I wanted us to get on the same page again! I’m really bad at this ‘I’m sorry’ stuff, and maybe I’ve been a little selfish-”

“A little?”

“A lot selfish! But Can you just hear me out! Please!”

“What could you possibly have to say?”

“We need a fresh start.” Oikawa looked at Kageyama, searching his face for an expression but he couldn’t quite find it. “I want to play volleyball with you without feeling pressure or tension, and I wish you were the one with the other occupation, but I guess that’s going to have to be me. I want us to make plans together so some of the burden can come off you, and I want to reestablish trust with you, I want us to live together and be happy. To be married and be the better out of all our friends because how damn lucky we are to have this love for each other! And… And I know that this can’t start until I get over this obsession of beating you. The intention of the practice match was so I can take my new loss and walk away with it, to know for sure that I can’t best you, and I won’t, and that’s just how it is. The tie is there, but I want you to destroy my dreams.”

Kageyama stared up at Oikawa with disgust, his lip curling a bit. He bowed his head enough that his bangs were able to cover over his face. “That’s the most… masochistic and damaging thing anyone could ever say. As your partner, I’m suppose to build you up, not bring you to your knees for mercy, Tooru. I refuse your offer of the match. If you can’t get over it yourself, then you’ll have to find yourself a new love that all your friends can stare at with jealousy… I don’t understand what you’re trying to gain by besting, or un-besting. All I know is… win or lose, you will always be someone I look up to in volleyball, and if that isn’t enough to shake you, we both need to prepare our hearts for this ending…”

“I refuse now to leave my job for your happiness, and I also decline beating you when it’s obvious now who will win. Your injury has gotten worse, and I’m way far ahead of you now. Hard truth it is, and I may sound cocky and arrogant. But if you’re going to let something we both love destroy us, by all means… Let it…” Kageyama took a small step back, turning on his heels. “You know… When you said you were going to make it up to me, I didn’t imagine it being you begging me to hurt you… You might think it’s a solution, but all it is is a problem on top of another problem… You’ll look at me differently, with defeatist eyes, and I’m not going to hand you a failure. You’re burying a false hope that maybe you’ll win - no matter the outcome, I’ll have either a very happy ‘in your face, Tobio!’ or a very sad ‘Of course, you’re better than me’ Tooru in my face for the rest of my life. I was happy with the Tooru I had now, but I guess that part of you was faking it still too.” 

“Please do me a favor… Don’t come to my gym again… This is my last happy spot, and I don’t want you to take this from me.”

Without much to say, Oikawa watched as Kageyama pushed passed the gym doors, back into the court. The brunette turned, his feet meeting powerfully against a locker to be followed by his fist. Honestly, he knew he was bad. His apology was going well until he mentioned that loss bit, and now he lost more. He barely had Kageyama, and now it was like he had lost him completely. It was becoming more work to prove himself very quickly, and he was honestly debating on walking away. Yet the thought of walking away left a sick weight on his chest. Kageyama wanted someone who was stable like him, had a caring heart, and can understand his views without him really needing to express it. Kageyama wanted to share his world, whereas Oikawa wanted his world to dominate… That was his problem. 

Oikawa has always been blind to his attitude, and it was apparent it had gotten worse over the years. It’s just now biting him back in the ass really hard, and he wasn’t sure how to deal with it. All he could see was Kageyama getting farther and farther out his reach, and tears were filling his eyes. He choked on a sob and covered his mouth quickly to silence it, his eyes wide with surprise that he was breaking down here, right now, and Kageyama had already walked away from him. Just hearing Kageyama shut him down- and it was just hitting him now that he was still the holder of Kageyama’s wedding band, he was the one that was locked out his home, and the love of his life was staying over with another man- his best friend nonetheless whom he knew had feelings for Kageyama. Way to go for Iwaizumi… Being able to jump on the opportunity. But Oikawa knew he couldn’t hate Iwaizumi for it. As bitter as it was, how awkward it would be… To lose your best friend and your lover for them to be happy together, it was probably for the best. Yet Oikawa also knew that Kageyama had no feelings for Iwaizumi. Tsukishima still, maybe, but Kageyama’s heart belonged to Oikawa, and that’s why Kageyama was begging Oikawa to fix this. 

That’s right. Kageyama was indeed begging Oikawa to fix it, and Oikawa had to start. He messed up again already, but it could not get any worse from here. He could do this. He would start by focusing on something that wasn’t volleyball- he had to explore in other things he could possibly be good at. He was smart! And he had confidence.

Pulling himself up straight, he cleared his eyes of tears, and straightened out his jacket. He looked at the presents that were left, and walked away from them. He wasn’t going to take them back, they were for Kageyama. As he exited the gym, he took one last glimpse into the gym, watching the man he loved sitting on a bench with clearly a lot on his mind. As a lover, Oikawa shouldn’t have even caused this- he shouldn’t be the reason that Kageyama looks like he’s breaking. With that image engraved in his mind, he gave a small nod to himself, showing himself out. The door closing behind was the door closing on the tension.

* * *

After practice, Kageyama found himself holding the bear in his arms, balloons in his hands. Once he was away from his team, he stared up at the night sky that had settled in place. Moving over to the side, he plopped the bear down, free hand pulling the strings to bring the balloons closer. He reread them over and over for a good two minutes before he rolled his eyes. Without hesitation, he let them go, not bothering to watch them hit each other as they floated up to the sky. 

He pulled his headphones out of his pocket, placing them in his ears. As he does, he blasted his music, letting the lyrics fill his ears.  _ ‘Blurring and stirring the truth and the lies, so I don’t know what’s real and what’s not. Always confusing the thoughts in my head so I can’t trust myself anymore.’ _ He shook his head slightly, squatting down as he pulled the bear close, tugging the bag on it’s back open. Inside was an assortment of colorful snacks, and unhealthy things - with what Oikawa had said earlier, Kageyama felt like there was hardly a good intent in this. Sweets was something he never indulged in, and if he did, it was very little. To be given a full bag of it means that either Oikawa really didn’t know him, or he was trying to sabotage the other's health. Either way, Kageyama ripped the bookbag off, and dropped it on the floor. 

Yet, his arms wrapped around the bear, pulling it close to his chest as he got up. As shit as the gift was, and how shit the apology was, Oikawa attempted something. Digging into the thoughts, Oikawa was so unhealthy. Not for just Kageyama, but toward himself and it scared Kageyama. He didn’t want the other to be bitter, lonesome, to feel like he had to be the best when there were so many things out there to do, someone somewhere would be better, but he knew that if Oikawa put his mind in the right spot, he could find something that no one could best him at. He didn’t understand why Oikawa was allowing this to destroy them. Had that been the issue? Did that play a part in why he cheated? 

Kageyama buried half of his face into the bear as he took slow steps headed toward the direction of his new home. A big part of his heart was telling him that he already lost Oikawa, this fight was already done. No matter what, they will never be eye to eye, they would never have a middle ground. Oikawa can shift and change, but it will not change the fact that he allowed for this… rivalry to cut through their love. It was there, it could have been possible, their love could have been timeless, but right now, they were walking on shards of glass. Kageyama was hurting Oikawa by natural skill, and Oikawa was hurting Kageyama because he couldn’t cope with it. It made his chest tighten, his throat felt like there was a lump in it, and his eyes were getting hazy. 

How could two people so perfect for each other fall so hard into a bad place? If it wasn’t for volleyball, they could have it all because there would be no fight, no contest… 

‘But what makes you think that he’s perfect? When this started with hate. You were the one who loved him, moved on, and allowed him to come in and destroy you. You called him a masochist, but you’re no better, allowing him to stab your heart over and over. Wanting him to prove a worth he does not have because you want a happy ending. A happy ending with the wrong person…’ he thought to himself, ‘Oikawa was gone the day he went on that first date. You’re nothing but a look to him, he doesn’t want your plans, what you like, he doesn’t appreciate you. All he does is talk you down, that’s all he ever did…’ 

Kageyama frowned, biting his lip slightly before he paused at a crosswalk, waiting for his light. ‘He has his moments, but he always seems to do the bare minimum. I was so in love with him, that I never realized it, but now that it’s out in the open and his colors are shown… I don’t see Oikawa was the way I saw him before. He seems completely new to me… I don’t know who this man is… And it’s scaring me.’

‘I have to ask myself seriously, Do I still love Oikawa Tooru, or am I chasing after something he’s not still? I know I want to give him the two weeks… But…’

Kageyama blinked his tears away before they could even fall. He was already so tired of crying over Oikawa. He dropped the big bear into the garbage can, walking across the street, hands shoved into his pockets. Honestly, how could he be so blind? Oikawa can try, try, try again, but could Kageyama really look at him the same again? When he was away on trips, he was being intimate with someone else. When he caught them, Oikawa had a smile like Kageyama had never seen before, and even though it killed him inside that night, he felt a little happy now about it. If Oikawa could find happiness somewhere else, he wanted him to. It would spare them this emotional exhaust. 

Just a few steps onto the sidewalk, his phone buzzed. Blindly picking it up, he was met with the voice of the devil he just thought about. “Good evening, Kageyama-kun. How are you?”

“I’m- great, Suzuki. How are you?”

“Terrible. I was suppose to see Oikawa-san today, and he suddenly canceled! I was at the place waiting, and 15 minutes after the date started, I got a call from him saying he had a family emergency.” Kageyama could hear her puff her cheeks out in defeat, “I’m really bummed about it.”

“Family emergency? I guess that’s about right.” Kageyama said smoothly, yet his voice with thick with a jealousy. 

“It flatters me that he’s saying I’m family- I basically am. He came to my job to prove himself to me. Brought me a bear and balloons, some of my favorite snacks too.” Not too long ago, he was ready to wish Oikawa good riddance, and a happy life with this girl. So, why was he here boasting about this? He had none of that stuff anymore. He just got rid of it all. 

“O-Oh… Is that so…? Haha… I… I guess you’re already winning.” Suzuki said sadly over the phone. “He’s been avoiding me so hard… But I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, huh? He was a married man after all! Of course he’s going to go after the one he proposed to!” 

Kageyama smirked a bit, nodding slightly to himself. It amazed him how truly honest she was being to him, when he was the enemy. “Listen, Suzuki. Making this a competition is shallow, and if Oikawa finds out, I don’t want him to think I am. I truly, sincerely, love Oikawa with my whole heart, ever since I was in middle school. I, honestly, do not want to lose him to anyone, especially you, but I will not compete for his heart as if he’s the last cookie in the jar. You might think I’m winning, but you said it already. He’s going to go to the person he proposed to. Besides, he cheated on me, what makes you think he won’t cheat on you when he gets bored?”

“I… Uhm… I should go…” With the call ending, Kageyama cringed as the music blasted suddenly in his ears again. ‘ _ I’m going under! Drowning you! I’m falling forever! I’ve got to break through!’  _

He pulled the buds from his ears real fast, tugging them out so the music can stop completely. He needed to clear his mind without a musical influence, so he shoved his phone and headphones into his bag, tightened it around his body so it didn’t jitter too much and he stared at the path ahead of him. With a steady run, he’d be home in twenty minutes.

* * *

Kageyama was fishing out his keys when he approached the door. The first thing he heard was a clash of glass, and he waited a second to hear for anything else. Next sound was his dog barking, loudly. He pushed his key into the door, pushing the door only to find it wouldn’t budge open. Another clash sounded, and Kageyama’s heart jumped. He rammed his shoulder into the door again, trying to get it open, but he couldn’t. His dog barker more, clearly closer to the door now. Kageyama started slamming his hand on the door. “Iwaizumi? Iwaizumi!!” Kageyama called out, twisting the knob again, ramming the door once again, fist pounding. “Hey!! Let me in!!” 

He could hear movements from beyond the door, though faint. He pressed his ear close to the door, hearing the click of something, and he instantly moved back from the door. His first instinct was to put his hands up. Something Kageyama always forgot was that Iwaizumi was a soldier that served, it never hit him that something would happen until now. Iwaizumi had seen some things, and Oikawa had always warned him about certain triggering motions - pounding on the door was one of them. 

He heard his dog cry out in a whimper, which made him hold his breath, listening as stuff was moved from the door. Slowly, it cracked open. Kageyama’s breathing was visibly shaky now, and he slowly took a small step back, keeping his hands up. He watched as the gun he heard peek through the door first, before he peeped Iwaizumi’s brown eye peeking out next. “Who is with you?”

“N-No one.” Kageyama shook his head.

“Why are your hands up…?” Iwaizumi pulled the door a little more open, taking a small, cautious step out, gun and eyes scanning the area. “Hurry up and get in.”

Kageyama didn’t even hesitate. He ran in, flitching as Iwaizumi slammed the door and started pulling the bookcase back to barricade it. Kageyama’s eyes instantly landed on his dog who jumped up and licked him. The only sigh of relief Kageyama gave as he embraced his dog tightly. Iwaizumi probably hurt her, but as long as she was alive, he could be understanding. Hugging his furball, he peeked up at Iwaizumi, not with fear but with concern. “Iwaizumi-san, what’s going on…?”

“What’s going on…?” Iwaizumi repeated, putting the gun in the back of his belt as he walked over to Kageyama. “There were gunshots, but no one's come by…”

“Gunshots? From where?”

Iwaizumi pointed to over to a wall, and Kageyama’s eyes followed. There was nothing there of course, so he figured the neighbors were probably watching a movie loudly and it triggered something in Iwaizumi. The look of protection and bloodlust in this man’s eyes… Kageyama slowly got up, shaking his head. “There’s no one outside, no one is hiding, Iwaizumi-san. This is a private residence.”

“You don’t know what people can do-”

“Yeah! You’re right! I don’t! But I promise, it’s just the neighbors.”

“What are they?”

“What do you me-”

“Their ethnicity, Kageyama! What are they? You can’t trust anyone that’s not-”

“They’re Japanese.” Iwaizumi fell silent as he studied Kageyama’s face. Kageyama took slow steps to Iwaizumi, smiling a little. “Iwaizumi, they’re japanese, through and through. It’s okay. And I had my hands up because I figured you come out protectively. I shouldn’t have banged on the door, I was worried about you.”

“Worried about me? Why?”

“Because you dropped glass twice, and Aki was barking.”

Iwaizumi shook his head slightly confused. “I was trying to give Akane a drink, but he dropped both of them like a fucking idiot. He heard the banging and ordered me to check, he’s hiding somewhere.”

“Akane…?” Kageyama raised a brow. He’s heard the name before, and it hit him. While being in Iwaizumi’s room, there was a pair of dog tags sitting on the dresser with that name, and a picture of a man with a small Japanese flag next to it. How was Kageyama suppose to handle this? 

“He’s probably using the bathroom?”

“Huh…?” Iwaizumi shook his head, “I’ll check around for him.” 

Iwaizumi moved away from Kageyama, shifting through the small space of the apartment. Iwaizumi had checked the bathroom, the bedroom, and even the closets. Just as he approached with a confused face, it melted back to the stern look. “Damn it, Akane. You shouldn’t have ran like that.” Iwaizumi was staring at a space next to Kageyama, and Kageyama looked at it confused. 

“Akane is.. Here?” He pointed up as if to gesture at a chest, “This is Akane?” He was trying to be considerate. Clearly, Iwaizumi was seeing things that weren’t there. 

“Yeah, that’s Akane.” Iwaizumi walked over, putting an arm around Kageyama’s shoulder and pulling him closer. Only now could Kageyama smell the heavy amount of alcohol off Iwaizumi, and it made him a little sick. He felt bad for lingering home… Could he have avoided Iwaizumi’s drinking and hallucinations? “And Akane, this is the lil  _ cutie _ I was telling you about.” 

Quickly, Kageyama looked up seeing a light blush but a proud smirk on Iwaizumi’s face as he seemed to have been nodding off certain questions of a conversation with a ghost. Slowly, Kageyama wrapped his arms around Iwaizumi’s torso, putting on a fake smile. Since Kageyama couldn’t keep up with the conversation, he just listened to Iwaizumi answer things for him… 

“Oh, he’s 6’2 now… Yeah, professional volleyball! His team is working towards the olympics!... Oh, he’s doing great in my care… Yeah, he knows how well I take care of him…”

The way Iwaizumi was talking- it sounded like they were dating, a couple, and it made Kageyama pull away. “I’m… going to change.” He bowed at Iwaizumi, and ‘Akane’, leaving the two to continue their talk as he made it into Iwaizumi’s room. It took him five minutes just to digest that Iwaizumi was talking and acting like that. Was that really something that he talked about with this Akane person? Not that he was alive for Kageyama to ask. The Setter had walked over to the picture, examining it, before he drew his fingers over it and sat on the bed. He kicked his shoes off, the pulled his shirt off, sighing slightly. 

Iwaizumi had a crush on him…

He stood up from the bed and stripped his pants off. Just as he tossed them onto the bed, he heard the door slam shut behind him, and he looked over his shoulder startled. “Iwaizumi! You… look upset… Did I do something?” Kageyama asked cautiously as he began to grab the edge of the sheet and cover his body with it. He was getting nervous now, with Iwaizumi looking at him with displeasure. What was he walking into? 

Iwaizumi was ready to kill someone, then started talking to the air, now he looks like he wants to  _ kill _ Kageyama. “Akane left.”

“O-oh? Why didn’t he stay longer?”

“Cause he’s  **dead** .” Iwaizumi said coldly, it caused Kageyama to have a chill run down his spine. Iwaizumi took slow steps closer to the setter, his head shaking. How could Kageyama sit in his face and lie to him? Pretend that he understood when it was so clear he didn’t. “You… Knew that.”

“I didn’t know what to do.” Kageyama took some steps back, with each step iwaizumi took closer to him until he unknowingly banged into the nightstand, accidentally pushing medicine bottles off and spilling a cup of water. “I’m sorry!” he squeaked.

Iwaizumi bit his lip, shaking his head more. Those big hands balled up, drawing one back and punching the wall behind Kageyama’s head. Kageyama jumped, covering his mouth to avoid a yelp. “You let me run my damn mouth like a fucking idiot!”

“I’m really sorry! I didn’t know what to do! You’re not an idiot- Please! I’m sorry!” Now Kageyama was filled with fear, hugging the sheets closer to his chest as he refused to look Iwaizumi in the eyes. He never felt this fear- well once before, but that time was nothing compared to this. A punch from Iwaizumi could probably kill him, and he didn’t like that the other was so mad at him.

“Please don’t hit me…” Kageyama whimpered, peeking those blue eyes up, “I didn’t know.”

Iwaizumi let out a small growl as he pulled his hand away from the wall. Kageyama could peep the white spots, and the red of his knuckles, something had cut open because he could spot the liquid too. Iwaizumi grabbed Kageyama by his arm, pulling him forward before he shoved him onto the bed. Another squeak came out of Kageyama as he tried to push with his heels to get to the other side, but Iwaizumi caught his wrist and pulled him closer. Tears were beading Kageyama’s eyes, and for the first time in three days, he was crying over something else. Silently pleading for Iwaizumi to stop, loosely trying to get the fingers that were cutting off his circulation away. “You listen to me…” Iwaizumi growled, bringing his face close to Kageyama’s. The setter nodded a bit. “You don’t ever- EVER let me talk to him again! And don’t let me run my damn mouth about you either!”

“Y-Yes, sir!” Kageyama nodded really fast, bowing his head instantly. His shoulders were shaking hard as he tried to keep his cries silent, but this Iwaizumi was scaring him. Once more he felt himself being pulled up before he was shoved harshly down on the bed. Kageyama threw his hands over his head, wanting to block out the scariness, but he could still hear the sounds of Iwaizumi’s boots walking away, and the louder sound of the door slamming once again. 

Laying there, he kept his mouth covered as he silently tried to compose himself, but he was shaking uncontrollably. He couldn’t even move to get out of the bed, all he could do was just shift, hide under the blankets and cover his ears. He pretended he heard nothing, that he wasn’t just grabbed and thrown like a doll by the hands of a man that was suppose to be his savior. He pretended that there wasn’t scattered pills on the floor and that it was wet. He went as far as pretending that he didn’t hear Iwaizumi continue his rage through the house, slamming things, breaking more glasses. He was frozen with fear in place, in that one spot under the sheets. 

Once Iwaizumi’s noise died down, Kageyama started shaking less, his crying stopped. The setter debated on calling someone stronger than him, like Daichi- even Oikawa, to help get him out, but Iwaizumi wasn’t Iwaizumi right now. Kageyama couldn’t do that to someone who was sick in his mind. So Kageyama tried to compose himself still, and fell asleep when his body relaxed enough.

As for Iwaizumi, the soldier had passed out on the couch, Aki sitting at his side as if trying to console him like she had been this whole time. The poor dog whimpering from time to time as she nuzzled Iwaizumi’s hand that hung off the couch. 

* * *

It was 8AM, the smell of coffee filled the living room, and the sounds of glass being swept pulled Iwaizumi out of his slumber. Irritated red eyes blinked open, his body felt stiff and he could only groan to express it. Slowly, he pushed himself to sit up, squinting at the light of the house and the sun that poured through. In the kitchen, he could see Kageyama in the kitchen, sleeves rolled up as he fought to get the shards into a garbage bag. 

“Mmm… That coffee smells good.” Iwaizumi perked, getting up slowly, and walking over. His brows drew in with confusion as he saw just how much glass was surrounding the floor. “What happened?”

Kageyama slowly looked up at Iwaizumi, obvious bags under his eyes, a small bandage around his wrist, and a frown. “You don’t remember…?”

That was all it took for Iwaizumi to cringe in disgust, and a nasty feeling took over him. Just as he opened his mouth to apologize, Kageyama raised a hand to keep him quiet. “I want a list of your medications, and when you’re suppose to take them, and how many you’re suppose to take. With all those pill bottles I found, you’re not allowed to drink anymore. Alcohol should not be consumed with medicines, especially with all the ones you’re on.”

“Kageyama, I’m-”

“I don’t want to hear it, Iwaizumi. I’m sorry. I don’t… I know it wasn’t you last night… But you scared the fuck out of me, I wanted to call the cops.” Lie, he wanted to call Daichi, but that was equally as scary. “I didn’t though because I knew you weren’t yourself, and I didn’t want you to think that I-”

“Call the cops next time.” Iwaizumi cut in, shrugging slightly. “Please… If it means to end this-” He gestured at his mess, then Kageyama’s arm, “It’s better that I’m behind bars or in a hospital… I wouldn’t be mad.”

Kageyama shook his head, “Just give me your damn medication list.” 

“I will… Can you… tell me what happened…? You look so sick, and disgusted with me… I’m so sorry…”

“I don’t know what happened! I came home, you had your gun out, you were on the verge of being racist wanting to kill someone - which by the way, I checked this morning and our neighbors are 100% Japanese, and I told them to watch the volume on their TV, they almost called the cops themselves… Anyway, you checked around the house, and started talking to the air; I left to get changed, and you came in and you-” Kageyama stopped, shaking his head.

Those brown eyes widened, as he shook his head, taking a step back. “No… No no, Kageyama… Please tell me I didn’t…” 

“Didn’t what…?”

Iwaizumi eyed Kageyama’s body for a second, which got Kageyama to gasp out. “No! Oh no! You didn’t! I thought you were, but you didn’t… You punched the wall, and threw me, grabbed my wrist really hard but that was it.” 

Iwaizumi let out a really big sigh, “Oh shit… I’m so sorry…” He walked over to Kageyama taking the setter’s hands despite them being full. “It’s been a very long time since something like that has happened, and I’m not sure what triggered it exactly.”

“It felt like three different things happened at once…” Kageyama confessed. 

“And you didn’t know what to do…” Iwaizumi finished for him, “I’m not sure what to tell you to help you, but you shouldn’t have to deal with me either. I’ll set up a hotel for you tonight, one that’s pet friendly, and stick you there to keep you safe-”

“No! Why?! So you can be here alone and kill yourself? No, no, no! I’m not going anywhere! I’m here now, and this is where I’m staying! How dare you!” Iwaizumi blinked with surprise, holding onto Kageyama’s hands a little tighter. “I don’t care about my safety, you already tossed me! But you’re my friend too, I’m not going to leave you! I don’t care how hard it gets!”

“Tobio…” 

The sound of his first name being said made Kageyama’s heart jump, and he quickly took his hands back. He eyed Iwaizumi before he gave a playful snarl, “You still smell like whiskey, go shower now please, and I will get your breakfast ready. Scat.” 

The soldier gave Kageyama a smirked, who in turn gave a small one. With a slight bow, Iwaizumi whisked himself away to the bathroom. No sooner than that door closed, both men sighed to themselves. Hovering over the sinks in front of them, each diving into their own thoughts. Kageyama pushed his aside, grabbing any alcoholic beverage and dumping it out in the running sink as he got some sausages ready to be cooked. 

Iwaizumi was showering in hot water, trying to recall the events that happened. As he massaged shampoo into his hair, he remembered being on the couch, enjoying a glass, everything was fine, he was relaxed. It was out of his normal. But then Aki started barking at the balcony. Letting her out, he heard sirens in the distance, and when he turned back into the house, a horrifying image of a bloody Akane smiling was in his face. Everything from then got fuzzy… Kageyama said he was talking to nothing, and Iwaizumi can remember that. Vaguely, he remembered Kageyama hugging him, and he remembered talking to Akane- the dead Akane. The one with the bullet shot in his head with blood running down his nose, getting trapped in his eyes, coloring his teeth. 

The flashback of it now made him close his own eyes in fear. He can remember talking to a dead Akane, and telling Kageyama knowingly that he was. But he couldn’t remember much outside of it. Couldn’t remember grabbing Kageyama or punching a wall, but that explains why his knuckles were stinging right now. 

Once he cleared away the soap, he did a quick rinse. A habit of pulling the mirror open so he couldn’t see his reflection as he brushed his teeth being completed, but it resonated in his mind. The screams he heard in his dreams were probably the real screams of Kageyama begging him to not hurt him. Iwaizumi could feel it in his chest that this was not good at all - and Oikawa had called it, too. How could he slip up so badly…? Hearing sirens had no connection to that day he lost his best friend, but why was it that he had to face him?

Iwaizumi spat out the toothpaste, rinsing his mouth out with the water, before he straightened up and placed his brush back into the holder. “You’re gonna give me shit because I still didn’t tell your wife or give her letter…” Iwaizumi sighed, “And you won’t let me be happy with him until I do so…” 

Of course, that was Iwaizumi’s way of compensating for the bad. He had to blame it on something logical because he didn’t want to just think that these visions happened now for the hell of it. He closed the mirror without looking, slipping out the bathroom in fresh underwear and a clean shirt he usually had waiting for him inside the bathroom. He strolled into the small kitchen, seeing all the glass was cleared up, and seeing a row of empty bottles by the door. “Iiii guess you weren’t joking…”

“Nope.” Iwaizumi sighed softly, walking up to Kageyama who turned around in time to place Iwaizumi’s plate of food in his hand, and offered him a cup of coffee. “Sit down and eat, I wanna talk…”

That already felt like a bad sign but Iwaizumi nodded, and did so. He made his way to the couch, and Kageyama sat on the coffee table. As Iwaizumi began to dig in, Kageyama started to speak. “Clearly, we both don’t know what happened last night. You only know the before, and I only know the after… I refuse to let this be a wedge in our friendship, but there is something I need to know… Depending on that answer, I may or may not go to the hotel…”

“What is it…?” 

“You… You know what I’m going through with Oikawa…” Kageyama started slowly, holding his hands together. Iwaizumi slowed his chewing, looking up at Kageyama. “You… were talking to the air like… saying things like we were dating… Do… Do you have feelings for me?”

A sudden grip of the fork, Iwaizumi cracked a small smirk as he dug it in for another chunk load of food. “No, you’re my  _ best friend’s _ future husband, maybe…”

“You can be honest with me, Iwaizumi.” Kageyama muttered out, “I want to know your truth… I don’t want to accidentally hurt you…”

“I don’t like you romantically, Kageyama, cross my heart.” And stuffing his face with the food, Iwaizumi looked off to the side. Kageyama gave a small sigh, but he nodded understanding. 

“Alright, Iwaizumi-san, I’m trusting you.” 

“Falling in love with you while you’re in this state would be cruel. You deserve your time, and you should make decisions without influence or pressure. If someone else confesses their feelings to you, you should disregard them until you figure out what you’re going to do with Guzokawa.”

Kageyama nodded again, “Speaking of which, he stopped by work… I think… I might just… take him back.”

“How come?”

Kageyama shook his head slightly, an actual answer as to why dying in his mind. He knew why, but he didn’t want to vocalize it. Besides, Kageyama felt like Iwaizumi was hiding something from him, maybe it was time to not make himself so vulnerable anymore. “I can’t really explain my reasoning right now… But yeah… I want to see how it goes… Maybe me and him… Maybe we just need a fresh start.”

“As much of a fresh start can get.” Iwaizumi added, placing the fork delicately underneath the food. “I’m oddly full, maybe the meds still. It was very delicious though.”

“You didn’t even drink your coffee.” 

“I’ll drink it as I get dressed.”

“Where are you going?”

“I had a dead man in my face last night, he probably wants me to go put a flower on his grave or something. It’ll bother me all day if I don’t do it instantly…”

“Oh… Okay… Give him one from me too, okay?”

“Sure thing.” Iwaizumi smiled at Kageyama, ruffling his hair as he grabbed his cup, and left to go get changed.

Once Iwaizumi was out of the door, all he could do was lightly hit the wall, a small smile on his face. Oikawa called it, and like Iwaizumi said, Kageyama is his best friend’s maybe future husband. Well, turning those emotions off, it’s time to go apologize to someone for being so late- and only going to complain. White roses and a small flag to be delivered. 


	6. The Unseen II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Now there’s gravel in our voices  
> Glass is shattered from the fight  
> In this tug of war you’ll always win  
> Even when I’m right  
> ‘Cause you feed me fables from your head  
> With violent words and empty threats  
> And it’s sick that all these battles  
> Are what keeps me satisfied...
> 
> So maybe I’m a masochist  
> I try to run but I don’t wanna ever leave  
> 'Till the walls are going up  
> In smoke with all our memories
> 
> It's morning, you wake, a sunray hits your face  
> Smeared makeup as we lay in the wake of destruction  
> Hush baby, speak softly, tell me you're awfully sorry  
> That you pushed me into the coffee table last night so I can push you off me  
> Try and touch me so I can scream at you not to touch me  
> Run out the room and I’ll follow you like a lost puppy  
> Baby, without you, I’m nothing, I’m so lost, hug me..."
> 
> Love The Way You Lie Part 2 By Rihanna ft Eminem

As the door closed, Kageyama couldn’t help but let out a sigh. His hand running over the bandage over his wrist, fingers clawing to pull it off. He stared at the small bruise forming, dropping the white cloth on the floor. It didn’t bother him, but there was fear there. Not of Iwaizumi, but how oddly familiar the situation was…

Strolling over to the fridge with his feet dragging, he did throw away all but one bottle. Pulling the white door open, his pale hand reached in, taking out that bottle of tequila. Setting the cap on the table, Kageyama went one, two, four shots in before he leaned on the counter. He pushed one hand in his hair as thoughts of Oikawa crossed his mind. Vividly, his mind thought of that girl naked, underneath Oikawa. He thought about how intimately she felt him just as he had. Another shot down his throat, and he pressed his lips together at the sweet taste. For him, this was as sweet as his relationship was going to get. Demons or not, he and Oikawa were never on the same page… He needed to numb this- to numb Oikawa. He grabbed the nozzle of the bottle, walking over to the bedroom where he gently closed the door behind him. It was not even 10AM yet, and Kageyama was drinking. 

He lectured Iwaizumi about taking pills with alcohol, but here he was, tugging his bag open, dumping out two antidepressants into the palm of his hand. For a moment, he thought about how bad this was- but what else was going to numb this heart break? 

Oikawa is his world. The man he sacrificed a lot for, fought for. The man he smiled with, loved, treated well. Kageyama gave everything he could, down to his bone for him… and in return, Oikawa  _ abandoned  _ him. Sure, he didn’t leave, but he cheated. If Oikawa fell in love with this girl and called the wedding off…

Pills were tossed into his mouth, head tilting back as he drowned himself and the pills with more of that alcohol. He gripped it tightly as his other hand pushed at his bangs, his chest becoming tight. Promises were hard now because Oikawa broke the biggest one of all. If he didn’t get caught, how much longer? Kageyama placed the bottle down, walking over to the drawer that had his clothes. He pulled out a pair of black skinnies, and white long sleeve. He took  _ Iwaizumi’s _ leather jacket, which fit perfectly. He leaned into the mirror, blinking away what a mess he was. The bags under his eyes were visible still, and he looked stressed. 

His boyfriend cheated, and the man he’s staying with hurt him. Kageyama shook his head slightly. He didn’t want to leave Iwaizumi alone, but he had too much going on right now. He wanted to help the other, but how could he when he’s chugging alcohol so early in the morning just to make it through the day? He has practice today but fuck it… He turned his phone off, throwing it on the bed. Another swig of the bottle before he pulled his wallet open, grabbing all the credit cards that had Oikawa’s name on it. 

Oikawa can treat  _ that bitch  _ to fancy restaurants, and give her fancy car rides home, probably buys her expensive gifts too- if he can do that, then he can do just as much for his damn  _ husband. _

Kageyama tossed his wallet aside, grabbing his ID and one of his own cards just in case. He sprayed a shit ton of cologne and plopped a pair of sunglasses on. He could feel a headache hitting too… Strolling over to the bathroom, he started feeling a light buzz. He pulled a cabinet open, popped two painkillers, and he left. 

**12PM**

Sitting under a tree, Kageyama groaned as all the feelings came in a rush. His headache was back, he couldn’t see straight, his mind was buzzing with sickness, doubts, and desperation. Not only that, but he wanted to be held by someone in particular. Slowly getting up from grass, he touched the tree in front of him. He had to steady himself before he grabbed all his shopping bags. In just 2 hours, Kageyama did a lot. He bought 20 pairs of sunglasses, 10 pairs of jeans, 30 shirts, 5 pairs of shoes, a new leather jacket, and… condoms. For what? He wasn’t sure. But he did. He also bought another thing of booze for himself. 

He felt a little guilty about this, but Oikawa had money to spare. 

Oikawa… What was that idiot doing? Was he getting notifications about his card? He’s probably calling Kageyama off the hook to ask what these purchases are for. Exiting the part he’s in, he walked to the street, raising a hand out to hail a cab. It took 5 minutes but he did it. He dropped his bags in, gave an address, and off they were. 

The day was spinning fast, Kageyama couldn’t grasp onto his surroundings. His mind settling into the doubts again, the darkness. That girl’s lips on Oikawa’s. She loved him, which meant her kisses portrayed that fondness. Imagining just how passionate those kisses were made Kageyama, and he bit his lip.  How could Oikawa be okay with two months of sharing a bond with someone behind his back? If he treated Kageyama like the world, he probably gave that girl a whole universe. Bought her make-up, perfumes, all those things just to see her perfect smile… those blue hues lighting up to… Stuff that Kageyama lacked. 

Their promise to be  _ exclusive _ only to each other, when really it was only Tobio who was exclusive to Tooru… Oh how badly Tobio wanted to become an Oikawa… 

Biting his lip, his attention drew up, and in no time they were in front of the destination. Slipping out the car, he ordered the man to stay there. Approaching the steps of the house, he rang the doorbell. A small elderly woman coming to open it.

“Ahh! Tobio!” 

Kageyama smiled as he bowed. “Hello, Mrs. Oikawa… is your son home?”

“Tooru…?” Her brows drew in as she frowned. “He’s not.”

“Is he working?”

“Hmm… He didn’t say such… a young woman stopped by and he went with her. He left rather bashfully- he’s such a handful.” 

The sound glass shattering rang through Kageyama’s ears. And for once, he thought it was an actual sound, but only realize that it was the sound of his heart breaking further. Kageyama’s brows drew in, taking a small step before he slowly turned. His mind blocked the sound of Tooru’s mother calling his name. In fact, for once, out of this whole day, everything moved in slow motion. 

“Tobio- he’s right there!” Was the only thing that caught him. Blue eyes locked onto Oikawa as he saw him coming down the block with… with…  _ that bitch.  _ In the act! Kageyama caught him. Was a repeat of that first night about to happen? 

“You’re a damn bastard!” Kageyama yelled at Oikawa. That look of shock will never be something Kageyama got use to. The setter ran away to get to the cab, but just as soon as he was about to pull the door open, a hand wrapped around his wrist, pulling him closer. He turned around sharply, his hand swinging across Oikawa’s face. “WE’RE OVER!” He cried out. 

The scream was so loud, so sudden… Kageyama slowly looked up to see a completely shattered Oikawa. It hurt Kageyama to see Oikawa look that broken, when he was the one who caused this. He reached into his pocket, pulling out all the credit cards, and throwing them at Oikawa. “If I did what you did, you would hate me! How can you do this?! Are you constantly stuck on stupid?!”

“Tobio, I was just going on a walk with her… she deserves respect…” Oikawa started slowly, gesturing at Suzuki. “You can ask her- I was ending this for good with her.” 

Kageyama peered behind Oikawa to a red faced Suzuki. The young female took a few steps closer to them, and gave a smile to Kageyama. “Tell him.”

“Kageyama-kun… Oikawa-san was…” Suzuki paused for a bit, but another smile came to her face. “He was just telling me how I am the love of his life.”

“What?!” 

“And how he wants it to be me and him!” Suzuki exclaimed.

Kageyama bit his lip, raising his hands up to shove Oikawa in the chest. Again, he made a retreat to the cab until he was grabbed. “Tobio! Who are you going to believe?! Me or her?! I told you I was going to make this up to you-!”

“There would be nothing to make up if you hadn't done it in the first place!” Kageyama cried out. “I can’t trust you! I hate you! I hope you have a happy life with her because I’m done with you! You cheated, slept with her again, and you just don’t get how much that hurts me! Why do I have to share what I love?! Why do I have to stand beside the woman who fucked my husband?! Why do you want me to suffer with the fact that your mouth has kissed her’s only to come home to touch mine?! Why is that okay in your mind?! What if I did that?!” 

“You would hate me! You hate me now because I play volleyball better, so imagine just how much more hate you would have for me if I fucked your best friend!” Kageyama spat out. It was then Oikawa’s grip loosened, slowly backing up.

“You… You had sex with Iwaizumi…?” 

Kageyama looked up at Oikawa, instantly regretting his choice of words. He glared at the girl behind Oikawa who was smiling still, before he locked eyes with the brown ones. “I didn’t. But I should because then maybe you’d understand the pain I’m feeling with you fucking her!” 

“I’m not fucking her anymore!” 

“2 MONTHS OIKAWA! MAYBE MORE!!” Kageyama screamed out, “You fucked me up!”

“I can tell! You’re fucking drunk! What else have you been doing?” Oikawa asked, snatching Kageyama’s wrist and pointing out the bruise. “Hurting yourself too? Bet you’re overdosing on pills  _ again.” _

“Don’t act like you fucking know me!” Kageyama snatched his wrist back. “That happened because your best friend is a sick man! He’s sick in the head and he talks to the dead! And he got mad a-at me!” 

Kageyama ran his hands through his hair, breathing hard as he tried to breathe. His chest was tightening, and he felt darkness clouding him. “Everyone just hates me, don’t they? You hate me, Iwaizumi hates me. Who else?” His voice cracked, “Oikawa, please, I don’t know-” 

Oikawa gritted his teeth, and finally, he shoved Kageyama towards the car. He opened the door, and urged Kageyama in. Before he forgot, he wracked up his cards, looked Suzuki in the eye, “Fuck you.” And he slipped into the car with Kageyama. He barked a new address at the cab driver, an arm snaking around Kageyama. The smaller male was hyperventilating very hard, shaking as his face was damp now tears. 

What had Oikawa done? He was trying to fix this but Kageyama was a bigger mess than he thought. He knew his boyfriend had issues, but he was never sure how far they would go. He wrapped both arms around Kageyama, pulling him into his chest. It was fine that Kageyama didn’t hug him, only himself. Feeling the other shake as he spiraled into a mental breakdown..

Abandonment that followed him forever. Holding himself back because he was scared to get left behind… The depression of his family always leaving him alone when he was younger. Kageyama has faced many important people just leaving him… Oikawa never wanted to join that list of people. But it was clear that no matter how hard he tried to fix this, Kageyama would see him as one of those people. Kageyama was all in, or none at all. He made sure Oikawa felt his love, made sure that he was pounded into Oikawa’s very being- and for a long while Kageyama was all Oikawa could think about. Yet Kageyama’s instability, his innocent plannings that were a bit forceful- their relationship was like two dictators fighting to take over the other country all while being friends. 

Oikawa might not have been innocent, but only Oikawa knows Kageyama’s hidden ugliness.. Kageyama didn’t realize them, which is why Oikawa was able to take advantage… but this was the outcome to his mistakes. Yet all he could do was mutter “I’m sorry” to a shaking, gasping, nail-gnawing Kageyama. 

Kageyama’s leg was bouncing so hard, his mind completely zoned out to  _ nothing _ . Perhaps it was the fact he took more meds than he needed, but those don’t kick in ‘til a few days. Maybe it was the fact that he was still full of alcohol. Pushing away from Oikawa, he looked down at his hand, taking small shaky breaths. 

“Tobio…?”

“Tooru…”

“We’re going to a hotel…”

“I’m not sleeping with you.”

“That’s not what I want. We need to talk. Honest, open hearts.” 

“I don’t have anything I want to say to you. You explained yourself, over and over, and you’re literally the most damaging thing I have ever seen. I am near broken because of you. The time of being honest and open was before you proposed to me. We were so close… Do you even have a real reason as to why you cheated on me…?”

Oikawa eyes the driver who was peeking at them through a mirror. He was trying to avoid talking in front of someone else- Kageyama was still famous, and this stuff sells on the media, but Kageyama was drunk and talking. 

With a soft sigh, Oikawa shook his head. “I just- This fucking sucks… What caused me to do it- I don’t know. Selfishness? Greed? Every inexcusable thing in the book? ...It was never supposed to last as long as it did-”

“But it did… Do you like seeing her happy?”

“At one point…”

“I hate you.”

“I… Please don’t say that…” 

“I don’t know what you want from me… but I guess that’s just the problem- you  _ don’t  _ want me.” Kageyama muttered, leg bouncing hard again. “No matter how much I try to stay in your sights, I just can’t.”

Oikawa bit the inside of his cheek, eyes going from watching Kageyama to staring down at his bare hand. He looked at his own hand, and pulled his engagement ring off. “So we’re not getting married…”

Silence. Kageyama’s face twisted with hurt as he began to silently cry again, hands gripping his knees. “No. We’re not. I think- that it’s time you really think about what  _ you  _ want… and not think about what you’re  _ pressured _ to do. If you want your fling with her, or whoever, go ahead. You’re single now.” 

“You’re as single as can be. You bought me farewell gifts,” Kageyama gestured to his bags, “and I’ll give up the apartment. You get your stuff out, go with your mom, and figure it out for yourself. I’ll get the rest of my stuff, I’ll get out, I’ll leave Iwaizumi because he’s your best friend, and that’s it.” 

“Tobio, don’t do it like that-”

“Fresh start, right?” Kageyama interjected. “I can’t handle this. I don’t like it, and it hasn’t even been three days. It’s literally day 2 that we’ve been separated and I feel like it’s been years. She’s obviously here for war, and I have to focus on myself because I’m leaving soon. You have your own demons, and there is not enough time. I skipped practice today and this is where I end up because of it.” 

Silence again. Oikawa sat back in his seat, letting out a small sigh. How far they are now, even though they’re right next to each other. 

“You have someone to numb the pain… I don’t… because I only ever wanted you… I don’t fit in your world. I never did. You almost punched me in middle school, and in high school, you taunted the hell out of me. And just yesterday, you challenged me…” 

“I know… That came out wrong…” Oikawa admitted quietly, rubbing the stress out his face. “You’re also rambling. I want to talk too… Because you’re just- assuming. So hard. I know I gave you reason to, and it might feel like there’s fact there…. but it’s really not like that, Tobio. I don’t know what my problem is, but all I know is that I want to fix it. I do love you, I love kissing you, and treating you. I love your smile, and your laugh, when you dance and the few but most beautiful times when you sing…” 

“I don’t just want to throw this away. So if you’re going to make us start fresh, I’ll be the one chasing you this time. You can sit back and relax, and I’ll chase you around. Even if it takes years right back. I hurt you where in the place it hurts the most- and I can’t possibly express how sorry I am… I don’t know how you feel, but just you mentioning that you had sex with Iwaizumi is bothering the fuck out of me… So I can only imagine it’s worse for you….” And with Kageyama’s abandonment issues too, Oikawa felt like a true villain. If Kageyama decided that no was no, Oikawa would have to understand. 

All Kageyama could do was slowly shake his head. “Can you at least do me the respect, and just- for the next 12 days, just stay away from everyone. Your girlfriend better be your mother. Can you give me just that? I want us to go the rest of these 12 days without a phone, without people, nothing to influence us… Just us and our thoughts…”

“Will that make you happy?”

“Yes.”

“Okay…” Oikawa nodded, once more slipping an arm around Kageyama, and pulling him close. He pressed a small kiss on Kageyama’s temple, and finally, Kageyama leaned into Oikawa in need of the comfort. “I’ll still put you in the hotel…. And I’ll stay with Iwaizumi. What happened last night exactly?”

“I honestly don’t want to talk about it. He’s a scary man, and he’s so strong. It was like it wasn’t even him at all- and he got mad at me for lying? And he threw me on the bed.” So much for not talking about it. “He went to the cemetery.” 

“Alright… Well, don’t worry. Did you call anyone?”

“I wanted to call you…”

“You should have. I don’t care if we’re not on the same page, if someone is hurting you, or you need help, I want you to call me. I will  _ always  _ be there for you.” 

Kageyama nodded, curling closer into Oikawa’s body. “Hey was… was she really lying?” 

“Of course she was! She came by, and I wanted to get her away from the house as soon as possible. I didn’t want her to feel welcomed. We went on a long walk, and she was asking why, asking about us, what I loved about you- to think she turned around so fast and tried to sabotage me…” Oikawa frowned. He ran his hand up and down Kageyama’s arm in a comforting way, “Shows how jealous she actually is of you… You’re my number one…” 

“Here you guys go.” The Cab driver’s voice sprung up. Softly shrugging Kageyama off, Oikawa edged up in his seat. 

“How much?”

“Just the ride? ¥1,164. The ride and my silence? ¥40,769.” 

Oikawa sucked his teeth. He hated people, but of course, he fished out ¥50,000 and handed it over. “Keep the change.” Reaching over Kageyama, he pulled some of his bags, and the two got out of the cab. 

Strolling up to the hotel, check in was fast and easy. Kageyama was upstairs in a jiffy, making himself into his new home. Oikawa's mistake? Letting Kageyama continue to drink. With complimentary alcohol on the desk, Kageyama was pouring them a glass, swaying to himself. The setter strolled over to the big ceiling to floor window, pressing his nose to it. The time now? 3:10. The day was going by so slowly, but Kageyama also had an early start…

“Tobio.”

“Hmmmm?” Kageyama raised a brow, looking at Oikawa.

“Close the curtains.” Kageyama placed his drink down, doing as he was told. Oikawa smirked. “Come here.” 

Kageyama walked over to him, and Oikawa patted his lap. “Sit, baby.” 

With a small sway, Kageyama took a second before he placed his tush on Oikawa’s lap. Wrapping an arm around his shoulder, he looked at Oikawa, who was staring intently at his lips. “I really missed you…”

“Oh yeah?” Kageyama asked. “Am I better than that girl in bed?” 

“Oh, of course. She has nothing on you, Tobio-chan~ Or maybe… maybe she is better…?” Oikawa slid a hand down Kageyama’s back while the other ran up his thigh. “I can’t remember how good you are, maybe you can remind me?” 

Just as Kageyama opened his mouth to protest, Oikawa already pulled him back, his body hitting the mattress. Freezing for a second, he watched Oikawa in the dim lighting of the room. Eyes narrowing in on him moving in closer until their lips connected. 

Lust… that’s what that tasted like…

And everything else that followed after tasted like Lust, cum, and whiskey…


	7. Gallery of Glass Hearts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Don't tell me you're sorry cause you're not  
> Baby when I know you're only sorry you got caught  
> But you put on quite a show  
> You really had me goin'  
> But now it's time to go  
> Curtains finally closin'  
> That was quite a show  
> Very entertaining  
> But it's over now  
> Go on and take a bow"
> 
> Take A Bow by Rihanna

**8PM**

Kageyama’s eyes fluttered open slowly. His body filled with new aches, new pains. His head was pounding, and iron filled his sense of smell. He instantly looked at the source of pain in his arms- bruises. Bruises around his wrists and some on his upper arms. He sat up abruptly, only to wince at the pain in his back, his bum, and his legs. He pushed his blanket off and made his way to the full body mirror hanging off the back of his room's door. Everything seemed to be clean and clear except for his arms, and the place of a hickey on his neck...

When… When did he and Oikawa have sex? When did he even see Oikawa…? 

Kageyama slowly walked back over to the bed, sitting down. He pulled the room’s phone close, dialing the phone number that would lead to his voicemail. 

_ “Kageyama! It’s Suga! How are you doing? Call me back!” _

_ “Hey, it’s Iwaizumi. Was wondering if you fed Aki before you left. Also… why are there pills scattered in the bathroom? I hope you’re okay.” _

_ “Second call Kageyama… Where are you? Are you okay? Call me back.” _

_ “Kageyama! Suga again! Iwaizumi is getting worried sick about you and now I am too! Call one of us!”  _

_ “Third message and you’re making me nervous. Please Kageyama, I’m worried. You didn’t feed Aki, there were pills scattered and another bottle on the bed, I’ll call the police.” _

_ “Fourth message… and I realized your phone was left here. Hopefully, you’re listening to these elsewhere, but I really want you to come home… Aki is crying, and I’m worried sick about you.” _

_ “Fifth message, still hoping you’re listening to this elsewhere, but why did Oikawa come here and tell me that he’s staying with me and you’re living in a hotel? Also, I thought you said you were going to take him back? And he just told me you guys are broken up now… “I’m a free man!” Is what he said exac-” _

The phone slipped from Kageyama’s hand. He placed it over his mouth in shock. He couldn’t remember a single thing, but Oikawa broke up with him…? Quickly hanging up the phone, he placed it back. Oikawa left his damn claim, and left him in a hotel, and kicked him out of Iwaizumi’s house…? 

On what level of  _ hatred _ did Kageyama find himself to be in? 

“Oh my god…” He ran his hands through his hair, letting out a soft slow exhale. Covering his mouth for a second, he slowly moved to hang the phone up. He looked over at where his clothes were, walking over and pulling them on. Grabbing the jacket, he held it to his chest. It was Iwaizumi’s jacket, and he was just kicked out of the soldier’s house. He dropped his hands with the jacket remaining in it. How does he move forward from here? All his stuff was in Iwaizumi’s apartment, as well as his official ex now. How was he going to go there and get his stuff? Maybe he should call Iwaizumi… 

Reaching for the phone again, instead, he dialed Sugawara. Sitting on the bed, he listened to the echoing rings before his sleepy elder picked up the phone. “Hello…?”

“I’m sorry, I woke you. It’s Kageyama. I’m in a hotel, and Oikawa ended our relationship quickly. I can’t remember what happened, but I know we had sex, and he left me. He kicked me out of Iwaizumi’s apartment, and all my stuff is there- so is Aki. I don’t know what’s going on, and I have no money, no phone, nothing… It’s all in Iwaizumi’s house, so I was wondering if I could borrow you and Sawamura to take me over there so I can get my stuff…”

Silence followed for a good five seconds before Suga sighed softly. Kageyama panicked and instantly said, “Actually, nevermind. It’s okay. Please go back to sleep. I’ll go.”

“No- No! Kageyama, don’t you dare!” Sugawara snapped. 

“I’m inconveniencing you, I feel bad. I realized now that I’m being selfish-”

“And you have every right to be! You’re going through a hard time! I’m just shocked at how fast all this is happening… And how much is happening… I’m not upset at you- I’m upset at Oikawa…” Sugawara muttered into the phone, his hand reaching over to push Daichi awake. “We’ll be there soon, so you better stay there. I guess I can call back the number you called me from? What hotel are you at?”

“Uhm…” Kageyama leaned over the nightstand, pulling the drawer out. He pulled out the folder that had the hotels name in it, “Tokyo’s Triton Hotel.” 

“Alright. STAY THERE!” 

With a click, Kageyama hung up the phone. He eyed all the shopping bags, before he looked back down at his clothes. He hardly remembered going shopping, but he walked over to the bags. He pulled the receipt out of one of the bags, checking the credit name - it was Oikawa’s. But Kageyama could recall being alone. He tried to think hard about it. 

Start from the beginning of the day, Kageyama and Iwaizumi had a talk about what happened, Iwaizumi left, and Kageyama remembered taking pills and drinking. He remembered leaving without grabbing anything. He remembered feeling miserable, tired, and hating everything that was happening… Why was this happening? Outside of Oikawa cheating, his life seemed to be spiraling down, and it’s still spiraling. How was he remaining so calm? 

He folded the paper, putting it back into the bag. Oikawa paid for these clothes, there was no point in wearing them. He was disgusted, even more so at the fact that it was probably clear that Kageyama was not himself, and Oikawa did what he did. Fucking him, then leaving him. He felt disgusting, from the spot on his neck down to where he ached. 

In the time that it took Sugawara to get there with Daichi, Kageyama was thinking as he sorted through all the nice clothes. He did decide to change, after he took a quick shower, and he kept the bags in the room. Once he got the call to come down, he left the hotel with a fresh stride. He thought about what he would say to Oikawa, but what was the point? They both could talk, and it would turn into screaming, and they would both realize the other wasn’t listening, and they’d walk away from each other. Maybe Oikawa leaving Kageyama would be the better option for them. They always went to bed angry at each other, but it wasn’t like they could get sleep anyway. Couples are supposed to work things, but they both never wanted to back down to the other, both of them wanting to hold points that didn't matter the next day anyway.

Sliding into the back seat of the care, Kageyama gave them both a tired smile. Love isn’t perfect, Kageyama knew that, Daichi and Sugawara both knew that, too. But there was a difference between a couple who’d rather not talk to each other, and a couple who swallowed their pride, and apologized to each other. Maybe that’s where they went wrong. Neither Kageyama nor Oikawa could lead that example. Kageyama thought he’d be mad getting into a car with a successful couple, but he was…  _ happy _ . Because this was happiness, and they were spreading a kind heart out to him. “Thank you… So much…” He said as soon as he fastened his seatbelt. “You guys are helping me so much…”

“Oh hush. Daichi is going to go into the apartment with us, so that way if Oikawa tries to do something, he can play defense!” Suga said cheekily. Kageyama smiled warmly, looking over at Daichi and locking eye contact. 

“We… talked about this on the way here. We don’t really like the idea of you staying in a hotel that Oikawa is paying for. So we would like to offer our guest room to you.” Daichi said softly. Kageyama nodded. “There are just a few house rules…”

“Okay.”

“First off, Aki can’t be in the kitchen. If she’s active, she has to sleep outside. I know you’re an adult, but please try to be home before midnight…” Daichi peeked at Kageyama who was accepting these terms, “Just- maybe contribute $40 to grocery shopping? If you’re going to invite someone over, run it by one of us first just so we’re aware. Oikawa is not allowed to come by the house. Whatever business between you two, keep it away from the house… Sounds fair?”

“Very fair.” Kageyama nodded. “I can give more to the house… I don’t have a problem with it. I know I’m taking up a spot so I want to be able to help…”

“I’m okay with forty, but if I happen to need more, I’ll let you know.”

Kageyama nodded again. Daichi was such a dad- they both were. They were so caring, giving, and they were perfect parents. Even though Kageyama was an adult, it made him feel good that someone is there for him, wanting the better for him. These rules were easy, and since Aki was an inside dog, she could just stay in the room with him. Resting into the seat, he took that moment that the car started to intake the combined scents of his Senpais. To watch how they interacted as they talked about what they needed for the house, and what the plans were for tomorrow- until Suga looked back at Kageyama. 

“I’m going to this yoga class so if you don’t have practice you should come with me. But for now, what is the game plan for when we get there?”

“I… I don’t know.” Kageyama muttered, “I just want to get my stuff, and leave. I don’t want to talk to either of them, I want to return Iwaizumi’s jacket, and get my dog, my stuff, and get out. He’ll want to talk, maybe, but I don’t want to hear it? We’ll just get into arguments.”

“Alright, so…” Suga put a hand on Daichi’s shoulder, “You’re the wall! And I’ll yell at him to leave you alone!”

Kageyama nodded, a small smirk pulling up to his face. He watched as Daichi’s hand reached over to Suga’s thigh, and he held his breath. How casual they are, how in love they were, Kageyama could see it, even though they were both focused on him. His eyes moved up to look out the window. What did people see when they looked at him and Oikawa? Could they see how cold they were to each other sometimes? Did anyone ever think ‘wow, they’re so in love’? Or did they just think that they were two fools about to destroy each other? 

Before Kageyama knew it, they were pulling up to the apartment building. He really wished he had his music to help him get through this, but he had to face reality. He hadn’t heard Suga asking him anything, he was too busy staring at the door. Pushing the car door open, he stepped out, closing it behind him. He made his way up to the building before he felt a soft hand pulling his shoulder. “Hey? You okay?”

“Oh- Shoot, sorry. I’m really out of it suddenly…” Kageyama apologized to Suga. The grey-haired male's shoulders dropped, while Kageyama watched Daichi come up behind them. “Let’s just go. I don’t want to think about it.”

It was silent all the way up, but when they got to the door, Kageyama could hear the TV through the door. He pulled the jacket that was on his shoulders off, taking a deep breath, before he knocked on the door. It was Iwaizumi who opened the door, and he was all smiles as he let the three of them in, but Kageyama wasn’t smiles. He pushed Iwaizumi’s jacket to his chest, as he made his way over to the bedroom. “Kageyama…?” Iwaizumi asked. When Oikawa caught a glimpse of Kageyama, he got up and started to walk over to him, only to be intercepted by Daichi.

“Stay away from him.” Daichi’s stern tone was enough to keep Oikawa shut, and he quickly looked at Iwaizumi, who shook his head confused, looking at Sugawara. 

“What’s going on?” He asked.

“Oikawa broke up with Kageyama and kicked him out of here. So we’re taking him in.” Sugawara explained flawlessly, watching as Aki pushed passed him to get to Kageyama who started pulling clothes out from where Iwaizumi had made space for him. 

Both Oikawa and Iwaizumi looked at Sugawara with a surprised looked, and Oikawa was the one to speak up. “I didn’t break up with him! He broke up with me!” He defended, “Of course, HIS DRUNK ASS WOULDN’T REMEMBER!” 

Kageyama knew that Oikawa was only shouting because he wanted to start a fight, but all he did was continue putting his clothes into the suitcase he came in. Dropping his pill bottle in it, and clothes over it. 

Daichi kept blocking Oikawa with every step, side to side, but Oikawa had a mouthful of words. “Seriously, Tobio? You seriously brought that back up? FOR WHAT? YOU DIDN’T EVEN TELL THE TRUTH, AND IT’S BECAUSE YOU DON’T REMEMBER SHIT! MAKING YOURSELF OUT AS THE VICTIM EVEN FURTHER!” 

Kageyama paused, looking out the room to Sugawara who was shaking his head at him. Iwaizumi stepped forward, shuffling over to Kageyama, but Sugawara had stepped in front of him to stop him too. “Wait- seriously? Me too? I’m the one who got him out of the house!”

“And you’re letting him get kicked out of yours!” Suga snapped. 

“I’m not kicking him out of the house!” Oikawa snapped over Daichi’s shoulder, “Kageyama was the one who told me he wanted to break up! That we needed a fresh start! I’m taking him out the house because he’s all hurt, and Iwaizumi suffers mental health problems, I don’t need my best friend hurting Tobio by accident!” 

Kageyama closed the suitcase, walking out of the room. “You- shut up!” Kageyama snapped, “Shut up right now! What happened between me and Iwaizumi is none of your damn business!”

“If it wasn’t my business, you shouldn’t have told me! But you crawled on me, telling me that you’re scared of him! That you were worried, and that he hurt you!” Oikawa spat bitterly, pointing at Iwaizumi. “You showed me where he hurt you! But again, your drunk ass never remembers shit!”

“Oh, don’t blame me! If you knew I was drunk then why did you take advantage of my body? Huh? Some fucking southern gentleman you are! I confide in you, and you fuck me, leave me, and I get messages saying that I’m no longer allowed to stay here- that’s not your fucking decision!”

“I’m doing what you love to do! Making DECISIONS I THINK IS BEST FOR YOU!” 

At this point, all Daichi could do was hold Oikawa back as he saw how hostile Oikawa’s body language was getting, and Sugawara was holding Kageyama back by his arms. But the two were now caught eye to eye, and their words were beginning to turn into knives. 

“SELFISH DECISIONS BUT WHAT’S NEW THERE? YOU DIDN’T EVEN LEAVE A FUCKING  NOTE. COMPLAINING THAT I NEVER REMEMBER BUT YOU KNEW THIS, SO WHY LEAVE ME ALONE AND CONFUSED? ‘CAUSE YOU WANTED TO SLEEP IT UP WITH YOUR BEST FRIEND, TOO?”

“WHY WOULD I? YOU ALREADY SLEPT WITH HIM I BET! THAT’S WHY YOU WERE SO EAGER TO COME HERE!”

“HE WOULD BE BETTER THAN YOU IN BED ANYWAY, I SHOULD HAVE FUCKED HIM INSTEAD OF YOU!”

“TOO BAD, PRINCESS, CAUSE YOU FUCKED ME! AND YOU WERE MOANING LIKE A BITCH, SO WILLING TO GET ON YOUR BACK!”

“AGAIN, CAUSE YOU’RE SUCH A MAN TAKING ADVANTAGE OF A DRUNK PERSON!”

“YOU SHOULDN’T EVEN HAVE BEEN DRINKING BEFORE 12 SO THAT ISN’T MY PROBLEM!”

“IT’S NEVER YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM! NO MATTER WHAT WE GO THROUGH, YOU NEVER FUCKING CARED. YOU ONLY CARED BECAUSE I’M READY TO LEAVE YOUR ASS, AND NOW THAT WE’RE BROKEN UP, YOU STILL COULDN’T GIVE A SHIT!”

“I’VE ALWAYS CARED-”

“YOU DIDN’T WHEN YOUR DICK WAS INSIDE THAT SLUT! FOR TWO FUCKING MONTHS, OIKAWA. TWO. WHY THE FUCK EVEN GET IN ENGAGED TO ME WHEN YOU WERE JUST GONNA FUCK THE BLAZING SHIT OUT OF HER ALL THE DAMN TIME?!”

“AT LEAST SHE FUCKING WANTED IT!”

“AND CLEARLY YOU DO, TOO! SO FUCKING GO BACK TO HER!” 

“FUCK YOU, I WILL! SHE’S BETTER THAN YOU IN EVERY WAY, SHAPE, AND FORM!”

“FINE! I DON’T FUCKING CARE! HAVE FUN FUCKING A SLUT, CAUSE THE SAME WAY SHE FOUND OUT ABOUT ME, SHE STILL WAS WILLING TO CHEAT, SO SHE’LL CHEAT ON YOUR ASS RIGHT BACK!” Kageyama had the last word, pulling his arms off Oikawa and he bumped passed Iwaizumi. He grabbed his suitcase off the bed, he put the leash on Aki, and started out. He didn’t even look at Oikawa who was clearly upset, yet Daichi peeped the puppy dog look in his eyes. 

Kageyama threw the apartment door open, tossed his bag out, and gently pulled the leash with his other hand. He couldn’t cry, not now. If he cried now, Oikawa would win the fight… The same fight Kageyama wanted to avoid. Sugawara slowly followed Kageyama, taking the bag from the floor. The setter gave a sweet smile to Oikawa as Daichi left the house too, but Oikawa was right at his feet. “Tobio-”

“Bye, Oikawa.” Kageyama said, holding a hand up and grabbing the door to slam it shut in Oikawa’s face. On Kageyama’s side, he couldn’t hold the tears any longer. That fake smile dropped, and the hot water slid down his face. On Oikawa’s side of the door- it was the same. Head pressed against, the hot tears gliding down his red cheeks… 

Regret hit him like a train, their words hurting each other the way they did… Instead of explaining what actually happened, Oikawa went into a fit of rage. It shocked him that Kageyama would bring two friends to help him leave, being accused of doing something that didn’t even happen, he wasn’t ready to be labeled as the bad guy - but he already was because he cheated, and now he was the real villain because he said he’d fuck the girl again… Oikawa felt like he just signed Kageyama away for the rest of his life with an accidental ‘fuck you’. He pressed his palms into his eyes, taking a deep breath, as Iwaizumi slowly, finally moved from his spot and pressed a caring hand to his friends back. 

The gesture only made Oikawa choke out a cry, turn into his friend and sob over the loss of the love of his life, while Kageyama was sitting in the back with Sugawara, also crying into the older male shoulder. 

Both of them thinking,  _ “Where am I going from here…?”  _


	8. Blurred Lines

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I have never wished on hope, didn’t need a telescope to see where I am going. I have never been the one trying hard to hold my tongue, it’s my stereo and one day I’ll stand with a crown on my head like a god. Yeah like a god… With every step, no I won't second guess what I want… 
> 
> I’ll be the king of me always. Do what I want, I’ll have it my way, always…” – Kanye by the Chainsmokers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the lack of proof-reading and editing of the last two chapters. I am ensuring that it doesn't happen again. The chapters have been edited, and posted if you want to read them over. I will do my best to continue working on the content quality. c: -SkiiDiesu

_ “Kageyama…” A sweet and soft voice echoing. “Kageyama Tobio.” _

_ “Come here…” The voice continued. Kageyama sat up slowly, looking around to find nothing but darkness. A pair of soft familiar hands wrapped around his wrists, guiding him to stand up. “I know it hurts, but you have to get up.” _

_ “I don’t want to…” Kageyama muttered, feeling his heart caving into the darkness consuming him, “I can’t see, and anything can happen… I don’t want to deal with it anymore, I can’t- not anymore.” _

_ “That’s because you keep going backwards to the wrong person… Open your eyes for a second, and see who is actually in front of you this time.” Kageyama looked around, but soft hands moved from his wrists, to his face, guiding him to look straight. “Here…”  _

_ Kageyama didn’t budge his face, willing himself to open his eyes. It took a while but soon enough, they opened slowly for him. White surrounding him in a blinding way, with a tinge of gold. Just a little more focus, maybe he could unblur these lines- _

 

“Kageyama, you need to wake up.” Daichi’s voice ripped through Kageyama’s dream, causing the setter to wake with a small gasp. “Ah- Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.”

“Huh-? Oh… No. It’s okay…” Kageyama muttered, slowly sitting up. Aki had stirred awake, moving across the bed to rest her head in her owner's lap. Kageyama gave her head small rubs as he looked back at Daichi. “I didn’t mean to oversleep…”

“You didn’t. I wanted to leave you sleeping, but Koushi insists I be the bad guy and wake you up for yoga. He’s making breakfast, so shower up, and head downstairs… He wants to help you relax a little bit before you go to practice. Oh- he also wants to know when your flight is leaving.” 

Kageyama blinked those blue eyes, palm rubbing his cheek as he tried to catch everything that was said to him. It was something along the lines of Yoga, shower, and flight. “Flight is leaving in four days…” he answered quietly, “I should be getting the flight information today, so I can give it to you when I get home.” 

Daichi nodded before he took a seat next to Kageyama. “I don’t want to hassle you… I know you just woke up… But it’s okay to feel overwhelmed, tired, and stuck… If you want to talk to someone, you know we’re both here. We’ll probably have different pieces of advice but- I’m always open to talk to.” 

“Thank you…” Kageyama offered a sleepy smile. It definitely did help. A whole big weight lifted and Kageyama felt relaxed. Perhaps it was the relaxation he was feeling that made him feel like it was okay to cry, though he didn’t. He felt like he ran out of tears. With other emotions heavy in his chest, he couldn’t figure out a way to communicate them. Sorry was the last thing he was feeling right now. Hurt, yes, but sorry for himself- he was ready to move on from that. 

As Daichi left, Kageyama slowly got out of bed. He could stay here for days, cry about what happened, feel upset that it did, but one thing will never change: He and Oikawa were always running two directions. So today, he was going to get back on his game. He fucked up, he knew he did. He took pills, drank, and because of that he forgot important things just to have an imprint in his mind that Oikawa used him and left. 

With their argument, Kageyama didn’t want to be bothered anymore. He took his shower, brushed his teeth and went back to his guest room. He got his volleyball bag ready- uniform neatly tucked in with a few snacks and his good shoes, with his kneepads, arm sleeve to help support his elbow, and he dropped it at the front door. He himself dressed in black workout pants, and a blue muscle shirt that went down to his wrists. He had a black sweater over it, and his phone was snug in his pocket, big white headphones around his neck. He took a small moment to hold one of the earpieces, thinking about the man who gave him these headphones. 

It’s been  _ years _ and Kageyama kept those headphones safe. He knew how much they meant to Tsukishima, and honestly… out of curiosity, Kageyama was wondering about him again. How he was doing, what was he doing? Did he have a partner? Did he still love music? Where was he now? Innocent thoughts about the blonde, but it brought such a warm feeling into Kageyama’s chest, it helped him. 

Aki jumped down the stairs and startled Kageyama back to reality, and they made their way to the kitchen. Sugawara was putting smoothie bottles into a bag, and Daichi was sitting at the table with papers sprawled, laptop on. The man was already busy at work, while Sugawara brought a plate to Kageyama. “Eat up.” 

Kageyama gratefully accepted the food, and the two sat at the table. The setter was only a few bites in, before the question ate at him again, and he looked at Sugawara, who was staring at Daichi. He didn’t want to interrupt but, “Where is Tsukishima?” Just blurted out his mouth. 

It caused both adults to look at him, and Sugawara could only smile. It was the second time Kageyama mentioned him, and Suga couldn’t help but want to pry into Tsukishima’s life now too. “Last I heard, he was in Rome. He’s traveling the world a lot, though I’m not really sure of his profession. Yamaguchi says he doesn’t stay in one place for too long - it’s been awhile since he’s come back to Japan. I think he said he was a photographer now? I can’t recall.”

Kageyama nodded a little, stuffing his mouth again. The thought settled into his mind. “I want to see him…” he admitted, “I think it would be a good thing. I just want to talk to him again, for a second.”

“How come?”

“Maybe… to… apologize?” Kageyama asked, which got Daichi to put his paper down completely. 

“Apologize?” The deeper voice asked. Kageyama sheepishly nodded. “That’s funny you said that… Last I spoke to Tsukki, he said he wanted to apologize to you.” 

“Huh? What for…?” Daichi shrugged but from the look on Daichi’s face, Kageyama knew the other was hiding something. Daichi knew the reason, but he wouldn’t tell. Just as Kageyama opened his mouth to protest against the white lie, Suga chimed in with that sweet voice. 

“Want us to look for him? Maybe we can find a connection to him. Facebook or instagram? I mean- if he’s a photographer, he must have a page of his art.” Sugawara smiled. “Then you two can rendezvous and dash into the sunset!~” 

Of course, Sugawara was joking. But Kageyama couldn’t help but smile at the thought. “Seeing him after all these years would be nice. I want to hear some positivity, and escape all the drama.” Kageyama said, waving a hand. 

He focused back on his food, eating away lightly as the married couple talked. As much as his mind was ready to be free, his heart was not fully on the same page. He stared at his food, ate a little, and lost the appeal to it. Sure, he wondered what Tsukishima was doing, but also, what was Oikawa doing? How was Iwaizumi? He had been randomly thrown into the fire during the big final fight, Kageyama almost felt bad. Almost. It makes up for Iwaizumi hurting him the night before.

A soft sigh left Kageyama’s lips as he still just stared at his food. It cause Suga to look over, and mom mode kicked in. The silver-haired beauty stood up and took the plate, “Alright, come on. Let’s get a head start to Yoga! You’re leaving in a few days too, so let’s get you a size appropriate suitcase, and we need to buy food for Aki while you’re gone.” 

Kageyama nodded, getting up. His dog had been under the table, so hearing her name made her peek her head up between Daichi’s legs. A soft sniff before she went back under. “She doesn’t do much…” Daichi pointed out, “And she listens well…”

“She knows when she’s in other people’s homes, and she behaves. She only pees outside, and she stays away from the dinner table- but she’ll still stare for food.” Kageyama chimed, gazing with awe at his dog. “The true love of my life right there…”

As if Aki understood, she barked and ran to Kageyama. He instantly dropped to his knees, hugging her close. “I’ll get you your favorite snack. You’ve been such a good girl.” He praised, scratching her head before he got up. 

Both setters walked to the door, waving bye to Daichi before they went outside. It was very beautiful out, and Kageyama wanted to become one with the weather. It reminded him of the days he and Hinata would just run past these in high school. They were so busy trying to best each other, they ignored it all and continued to run.

Hinata…

Hinata was his true best friend. They went from enemies, to teammates, to friends- and now… Kageyama was dependent on him as the other was. He felt a little guilty for keeping Hinata in the dark of everything that was happening. But he was getting text messages he’s been ignoring from the little ginger. He has to remember to tell him, but he could just hear it now. 

_ “That punk of Grand King! More like a ROYAL PAIN THE BUTT! I’ll teach him a thing or two!”  _

Kageyama shook his head as he got into the car, dropping his volleyball bag between his legs. Once Suga got in, he looked at Kageyama, and simply asked, “Are you sure you want to see Tsukishima again?” 

“Why are you asking like that?” Kageyama asked, raising a brow with worry. 

“Well- Because for a long while you seemed like you resented him… I don’t want it to backfire on you. Like, you think you’re ready to see him but you’re not. Especially with this whole thing that’s happening now with Oikawa, you might subconsciously make a connection between the two-” 

“Tsukishima is not Oikawa. Not in anyway, shape, or form. He might have resented me the way I resented him… Who knows? Only Yamaguchi really, but he moved to Korea because of his job.” Kageyama got a little quiet. “What happened between me and Kei is both of our faults. I want to apologize for my end. I might be just saying this because of what I’m going through, but it’s exactly what I’m going through that’s making me realize it…”

“I let Kei walk away… And I did as well. I regret letting me and him fall apart…” Kageyama said softly, delicately. “I don’t want to find in him in hopes that we can rekindle… I just… I want know how happy he is in his life. Knowing how happy he is, maybe I can let go of the ‘what if’ wonders I have time from time…”

He continued, “I could be laying down next to Oikawa, but I will catch myself thinking- What is Tsukishima doing right now? Where is he? Did he make it to Europe like he wanted? Is that working out? I knew vulnerable points about him, it’s a shock that he just let me walk away… but he also knew vulnerable points about me too… so I can’t - I shouldn't have blamed him for letting us end. I will apologize, and when I know how well he is doing, I will move on.” 

Kageyama nodded to himself before he looked up at Sugawara who went from unsure to little smile of pity. “Alright. I will find him.” Sugawara confirmed.  “But first! Yoga!”

* * *

 

“KAGEYAMA LOOK OUT!” Hinata’s voice boomed across the gym. Upon hearing his name only made the setter look, and before he knew it, a volleyball was hurling toward his face. Reflexes acted out, and his bad arm shot up to block the ball, causing it to hit off to the side. Kageyama’s face turned mean as he instantly started toward Hinata. “Calm! CALM! It was an accident!”

Kageyama grabbed Hinata by his shirt and shook him. “Dumbass! Why are you always such a damn, dumbass?!” Kageyama snapped shoving Hinata back.

A soft snicker came from the smaller male, “Still can’t learn another word, eh?”

“Dumbass! Idiot! Jack-ass! Fuck up! Skill-less! Loser!” Kageyama started, Hinata instantly raising his hands.

“Okay! Okay! I get it! Geez… Glad to see you’re feeling better!” Hinata snapped, crossing his arms. At first his face held displeasure, but then he smiled. “I’d rather hear those names than to be ignored… Are you okay?” 

Those blue eyes blinked, and Kageyama instantly put a hand over his left, touching the ringless finger. “Trying to be…”

“Trying to be? Seems hard since you’ve been skipping practice… And that’s not like you at all.” 

“I know- I know…”

“Sooo…?” 

Kageyama sighed, “We have to sit down if we’re going to talk.” Hinata shrugged and gestured to an empty part of their gym. As the two walked, Kageyama started the story again, for what felt like the millionth time. “Oikawa cheated on me with a girl for two month. An anonymous person sent me a picture on my instagram, and I luckily opened it up. They could have sold the story- but they didn’t. Surprisingly. I kicked him out the house, he had sex with her again, Iwaizumi got in the picture, made me move in with him. Oikawa kept trying to prove how sorry he was? But since he’s a manipulator, I realized he kept making me feel bad about things that weren’t 100% my fault.

That day he came here, he asked me to beat him just so we could get our relationship back together-”

“In volleyball with?”

“Yeah.”

“Is he seriously still on that…?”

Kageyama scoffed, “Apparently.”

“Continue.”

“I told him no, went ‘home’ to Iwaizumi and Iwaizumi suffers PTSD- which… stupid me for not thinking that through, but he does! And he - I don’t wanna say attacked but basically attacked me and grabbed me. But it wasn’t like he hit me. He was just talking to a dead person then yelled at me about it!” Kageyama smirked at the disbelief of his own story.

“What the fuck…?” Hinata muttered, unable to really believe it himself but he still did. 

“Next morning, I fucked up, did the drinking and pills thing-” 

“Bro-”

“I know! I know. I got a mouthful from Oikawa- but I went shopping and blacked out, didn’t remember a thing. But Oikawa had put me in a hotel. He had sex with me knowing I was not all there-” he gestured to his head, “and left.”

“You can sue him for that..”

“I can but what good is that going to get me? He goes to jail and I go to a psych ward for drug abuse? No thank you.”

“I guess but still… he took advantage of your body…” Hinata muttered, clearly bothered by it, but all Kageyama could do was shrug.

“Yeah, I guess it’s more serious now that I think about it…”

“You guess? Kageyama, for years he’s jerked you around… I hate- HATE that you’re with him- or were. Whatever. He’s such a  _ bad _ person. And I don’t think he means to be intentionally but he’s a toxin you don’t need. Like- come on. Cheating is basically abandonment without the leaving, manipulation because he doesn’t want to man up to his own mistakes or because he just wants to feel like the bigger person or make you feel lesser. Then rape? To top that off, he just had to make sure he engraved it in your mind ‘Oikawa’s Little Bitch’.” Hinata wrote Oikawa’s name in the arm before he signed it off with annoyance. He gave Kageyama a look of disbelief. “Taking pills and drinking too? God- Why didn’t you tell me any of this sooner?!”

“I called Sugawara first…”

“You called Suga?!”

“Shh!” Kageyama waved a hand, silencing his friend. “Yeah, I know. It might have been stupid but I’m staying with him and Daichi now. They got me out of Iwaizumi’s house when Oikawa kicked me out.”

“Oh! So he kicked you out of someone else’s house too?” Hinata snapped, exasperated. “He just keeps on adding more and more reasons to hate him!” 

Kageyama couldn’t help but chuckle, causing Hinata to puff up. “Like I said though- we’re broken up… Too much bullshit has happened for him to redeem himself. He’s just- he sucks. Honestly…”

“Yes! Yes he does! Big time!” Hinata exclaimed. It was always nice to Kageyama to see how much Hinata actually cared about him. After all his huffing and puffing, Hinata looked at Kageyama with a brow quirked. “... It’s okay to not be okay.”

“I’ve been told that… Multiple times. And I’m not okay. But what can I do about it?” Kageyama asked. “I know he’s going to try again. But I won’t cave in. The love I have for him- it’s… turning to hate. I can feel it. It’s taking a lot love for me to hate him, but he and I both know… no one is going to love him like I do.” 

“I wish you didn’t love him.” Hinata muttered. “Do you wanna sleep over the night before we leave?”

“Why don’t you sleep over at Suga’s house? He said I can have company, as long as I tell him in advance. He wanted to drop me off at the airport as a precaution that Oikawa doesn’t get to me.” Kageyama explained gently. He knew Hinata wouldn't judge over the nature and care Sugawara provided. 

“Yeah, that works for me too.” The ginger smiled. “Just four more days and we’re off to Europe!”

The two grinned big, giving each other low high fives. “Oh, my elbow is healing well too. I’m going to the doctor the day after tomorrow to see what he says. The pain his gone down a lot.” 

“Richie still feels bad about knocking you over that hard.” 

“Eh, he’s fine. I have bigger problems now. Bigger than him.” 

Loud claps sounded, Miyazaki walking to the center of the gym. Without even saying anything, he just grabbed something from beneath his arm and held it up into the air, waving them about. “Who wants their tickets??” He asked, voice echoing. 

Without hesitation, the duo sprinted, racing each other. Once Kageyama got that ticket in his hand, a new feeling took over him. It was a feeling he hadn’t felt in a while, and that feeling was simple. The feeling was none other than…

Control. 

Control over his life, his future, what  _ he  _ wanted to do. His dreams were in the palm of his hand, and it was time he started  _ enjoying  _ it. To travel worry free, to explore, not wait for anyone, nothing  _ holding him back.  _ They were heading to Rome, and what better place to start a new walk of life. He owns this court with a loving team, he has a family of friends that accepted him and not only that but Kageyama was not Kageyama anymore. 

He was not the Kageyama that everyone knew in High School. He was not controlling anymore, and that social skill he lacked steadily grew over the years. Confidence melted into something that came off as humble instead of arrogant. Sure, he still struggles with wording things gently, but his team understood what he meant. 

Kageyama had been on covers, gone to interviews, flown around the world, and soon his dreams would go beyond what he had wanted. He couldn’t help but take a step back and gaze over each of his teammates. 

Thinking about himself meant taking that step with his team. The best of him was put into this court, into these games, into the skills of these other men. They would leave him behind, so he had to play catch up. He couldn’t worry about them leaving him, when he was the one letting them leave. He wouldn’t cause it, he wouldn't be left behind. If he wanted to get to the olympics with his team, it started here. Now. 

Playing hooky was over. Everything now was just work hard, play harder. Tomorrow was his last free day, but did that count? They would practice tomorrow. The next day is the doctor, then practice. Then practice, and sleep over with Hinata. Then it’s a 6AM flight to Rome. It didn’t hit him until now that his dream was pushing out a red carpet in front of him. Stressed with Oikawa for what? 

As Tsukishima had constantly reminded him, “I’m a King in my own way… and it isn’t bad this time around…” He whispered to himself. 

Sliding over to Hinata, he hooked an arm around his best friend's shoulders, comparing seats with other teammates, swapping them until everyone was satisfied. For a moment, he made eye contact with Hinata. “I know where I’m going, kind of.” Though it was more for himself, Hinata caught the self-motivation. He gave a stern nod, a smile and thumbs up. 

“And you have me beside you! I’ll guide you if you get a lil lost.” Hinata promised. After all, Kings couldn’t rule without a knight they trusted. 

* * *

 

Upon returning home, Kageyama of course wasn’t expecting Sugawara to be waiting for him in the living room. The little raven smiled, “Hi, Mom.” He joked. Suga made a little face at him, before he crossed his arms, a disapproving face on. “Did I… Do something wrong already…?”

“Aki totally kicked me out of my bed.” Suga snapped. “She’s attached to Daichi.” 

Kageyama couldn’t help but smirk as he moved to sit on the couch next to his friend. “All you have to do is tell her down.”

“I did!”

“In English?”

“How am I supposed to know that I’m suppose to say it English?” A soft chuckle left the setter, as he leaned into the couch. He could feel his body relaxing, eyes closing as he finally got to laze around from a hard day of practice. Everything went by as a bit of a blur, but it felt good. He got to relax his mind in the morning, and then practice like normal with Hinata, not only that, but he could start packing for his trip. Aside from spilling the beans to Hinata, not a single thought was wasted on Oikawa. And he was damn proud of himself. “Oh- also…” 

A blue eye peeked open as Suga shifted to lean onto Kageyama’s arm, laptop being pushed up by his legs. Shifting so his arm draped over Suga, he leaned into the laptop. Suga scrolled a bit, showing Kageyama two pictures - one of a landscape, and the other of a painting of the same one. “I’m not sure which one is more beautiful.” Suga muttered, and Kageyama simply nodded.

For a few mouse clicks, the same things happened, with different places. A beautiful picture, and a painting that took his breath away just as the original photo. The next click finally revealed the artist, it was none other than Tsukishima Kei. 

The typically serious middle blocker Kageyama had once knew grew into somewhat softer features, and his face matured. But it was still very much Tsukishima with thicker frames. He was drinking in the picture, but he seemed as calm as ever. The setter had no idea how to react to it, and seeing as Suga wasn’t changing the picture, he couldn’t help but pull the laptop from him, placing it on his lap. He leaned in closer, scrolling through comments. A lot of it was fan comments, saying how handsome the blonde was, and Kageyama was nibbling his lip out of anxiousness. 

He clicked away from the pictures, scrolling to the top of the profile and clicking on the profile pictures. Tsukishima was the same, changing it once every six months. It amazed him. He leaned his head to the side as he clicked over to the info, reading the simple bio that introduced Tsukishima as an artist. His email was attached, and hesitance took over. 

Suga watched his younger setter, eyes flickering from the computer screen to Kageyama’s face. “I didn’t send the request yet, but I can if you want?” He offered, trying to catch any emotion from Kageyama, but he couldn’t find any. He watched as Kageyama moved his mouse up to the x on the browser, closing the page.

He softly shook his head, handing the laptop back. “It’s alright. He has a fulfilled life- popping up now would be random, and irrelevant.” Kageyama smirked, shrugging softly. “I’m going to shower, I feel gross.”

Sugawara gave a simple nod, watching as Kageyama walked away. Being the ‘mother’ he was, he simply opened the browser again. Kageyama acted like closing it was going to stop him from finding him again- besides, he had bookmarked the Facebook profile before he showed Kageyama anyway. And simply, he clicked the ‘Add Friend’ button, THEN he closed his laptop. 

“Hmph, spoiled child.” He shook his head simply, placing the laptop on the coffee table before he walked himself upstairs to his bedroom. Aki was still cuddling on his husband’s chest, only they were both asleep now, and the retired setter rolled his eyes. Clearly, his spot was taken for the night, so he just slid into his side, pushed Aki’s tail playfully, and turned on the TV. He had to smirk at himself though, because even if Kageyama was putting up a front- with all that talk earlier, he knew that the setter really wanted to see Tsukishima. He would make sure it happened. 

 


	9. Paper Planes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love you guys and your support, but the story is just developing. Please don't call any ending ships, or get disappointed, and don't pressure me with your ships either. Thank you~

Waking up to a blazing alarm at 3AM was not fun. Not only that, but waking up to a snoring Hinata that was overpowering the blazing alarm made Kageyama want to throw BOTH out the window. With the ginger spread all over the bed and onto Kageyama, the setter had gotten almost no sleep. He rolled his blue eyes to see if Hinata would wake up, but when he didn’t, he decided it was just best to throw this  _ little orange piece of shit  _ off him, and onto the floor. 

“Rise and shine!” Kageyama yelled. As Hinata hit the floor, there was an ugly snort being made before Hinata sat up, whining. 

“You’re so rude.”

“Shut up, and get ready.” The cranky setter hissed, smacking the alarm off. He palmed his eyes before his hands slid down his face. He was tired, and he wanted to sleep, but he was so anxious about going to Rome, even if Hinata was peacefully quiet, he probably still wouldn’t be able to sleep. Pushing the blanket off, he sat at the edge of the bed, holding his arm out. He couldn’t help but give it a few harsh flicks. Lucky for him, the doctor told him the other day that his arm was ready to go, and he could continue playing the way he wanted. 

He took to his phone, opening it up instantly. The past four days have been silent, but he woke up to text message from Oikawa, that simply said, ‘Travel safely. I’m sorry.’ 

Kageyama deleted the message, only to be caught by feeling the bed wobble. He looked over his shoulder, seeing Hinata getting back to a sleeping position. “Oi, omae baka ka…” 

“Shut uuup.” Hinata growled, sitting back up and looking at Kageyama with a pout. Kageyama smirked slightly, arching over a bit to grab Hinata’s cheek.

“Guess the sun isn’t shining today.”

“Hahahahahaha.” Hinata sarcastically laughed, smacking Kageyama’s hand away. “Can we sleep for a few more minutes…?”

“You have until I get out the shower.” The setter compromised and in almost an instant, Hinata was back to sleep. 

A soft sigh left Kageyama’s lips and he got to getting ready. He could hear Sugawara and Daichi walking around, their soft murmurs. At one point, Kageyama paused, leaned into the crack of the door. And listened. 

_ “Another meeting got cancelled…” Daichi said, distressed.  _

_ “Don’t take it to heart… A lot of Real-Estators are having a hard time… If you want I can get a part time job somewhere?” Sugawara offered, trying to be of some condolence.  _

_ “We have a dog now. I don’t want you to work-” _

_ “Sometimes, I think you forget that we are both  _ **_men._ ** _ And we can split the responsibilities… And besides, Kageyama has that dog  _ **_very well trained_ ** _ so don’t use the dog as an excuse…” _

_ “I want you to stay feeling cushy.” _

_ “Life isn’t always going to be cushy. I’ll start applying to places and you’re not gonna stop me.”  _

Kageyama could hear Sugawara’s footsteps stomp off, and he couldn’t stop himself from opening the door and peeking out to see a very stressed Daichi. The older was rubbing his eyes before he let out a tired sigh. 

“Hey…” Kageyama muttered, stepping out and closing the door. “I didn’t know you were having trouble…”

“Well… it’s not exactly your business…” Daichi muttered. 

Kageyama bit the inside of his cheek, before a smirk came to his face. “Maybe not. But I would like to do business with you. When I come back from Rome, I mean. I obviously need a new apartment, but I really wanna go back to Miyagi so a house would be cool.”

Daichi raised a brow, before he shifted his body to face Kageyama, arms crossed. “Kage…”

“No, seriously. I really don’t want to live in Tokyo anymore, and that apartment is big, lonely, and hell now. I want to move, and I want you to get me a house. Full-price, no friend or family specialty-”

“You don’t have to..”

“Forty bucks for simple things? I’m living here for the time being and Sugawara is watching  _ my _ dog while I’m away. I’ll give you one hundred instead.”

“Okay, you  _ really  _ don’t have to-”

“Do you want to keep your husband happy…?” Kageyama asked, raising a brow. “I know this is your situation to solve, but I am apart of it because I’m staying here.” 

“If he finds out I’m taking more money from you, he’s going to be pissed.” Daichi reasoned, letting his arms drop. He placed a hand on Kageyama’s shoulder, giving a smirk. “We will deal with it. If you weren’t here, we would have to anyone. Reality is just that… I’m not making money like I use to, because no one wants to have families anymore and move. I will help you with the house, but I won’t take more money. Now hurry. It’s already 3:15 and we have to be out of here by four.” 

Daichi let go of Kageyama’s shoulder, walking down the stairs. The setter was left silent- stunned. It amazed him how Daichi could just man up, face the facts. This couple couldn’t hide behind money because there was none to hide behind. Walking back into the room, he proceeded into the bathroom. Teeth and shower done by 3:35 and he was out, shoving Hinata off the bed.

3:55AM both men were downstairs, dressed in sweats and sweaters, posing for snapchat picture that expressed their tired excitement to travel. Kageyama had fallen asleep on the car ride over, and he slipped into a light dream. Meanwhile Hinata was next to him, munching on breakfast Sugawara had packed since they were running a little late. 

The couple was quiet. The radio on lowly, but the tension was there. Unfortunately, Hinata was dense and didn’t know it. Subconsciously it weighed on Kageyama’s mind, and unconsciously slipped into his dream. 

A series of  _ “Selfish”, “Drug-induced”,  _ and  _ “Secret failure” _ remarks were made over and over in a pitch black area if Kageyama’s mind. Blue eyes fluttered open when it got too heavy to bare, and he stared at the space between Daichi and Koushi. A space that would normally be filled with them holding hands? Maybe. Kageyama did not understand relationships as deeply as he wanted. But this much was clear to him: 

Daichi wanted Sugawara to live his plushy house-wife life at home and not worry about work. Daichi felt like a validated man, and a real one at that for proving that he can make more than a substantial income for his lover and him. 

Sugawara wanted to help struggling lover because Equal Partnership is just as important as Daichi’s pride. Sugawara did not want to leave his lover drowning. 

They were mad at each other because they  _ want better for the other _ . 

Was that how love was suppose to work? Maybe not exactly, but Kageyama could see clearly how they both wanted to put each other on top. 

“Oh, you’re finally awake.” Hinata’s voice peeped, getting the setters attention. He offered out tupperware full of whole grain cereal without milk, and Kageyama took a small handful. “Captain is already there, with a few mates.”

“Nice..” Kageyama nodded, plopping the cereal circles into his mouth, “We’re all falling asleep on that plane. 3AM for a 6AM flight - what time would it even be when we land?” 

Hinata shrugged, pulling his ticket out to check. “4AM? We have on stop to take. The flight is basically 17 hours… Captain said we got lucky, we almost got caught with the 27 hour one, which I think had an 13 hour layover. Apparently Coach messed up and didn’t get us non-stop tickets. I think Cap’n said he wanted to save that little bit of money for new uniforms as a surprise, but he’s playing it off that he made a mistake and got us the wrong tickets.” 

“International flying sucks sometimes, but new uniforms? About time.”

“Mhmm… The long ride is gonna suck though.”

“Well, at least you two can rest on the plane.” Daichi pitched in, turning the car into the airport lane they needed. “Don’t talk to strangers, don’t give out your number. Stay safe. Remember to always stay close to your group.”

“Moooooom, dad’s lecturing us!” Hinata whines, leaning over to Sugawara’s seat. “Tell him we have to talk to strangers, they’re fans!”

“Daichi, the boys have fans that are strangers to them.” Suga said sweetly, a smile on his face. 

“Fine fine.” 

“Amazing.” Kageyama scoffed, pulling Hinata to sit him down. “Before you get  _ dad  _ a ticket. Sit.” 

Hinata stuck his tongue and Kageyama pinched it. Silliness took over the backseat of the car for the next 15 minutes before it was time for them to say goodbye. Sugawara wanted to stay with them, but the farthest he was allowed was to the security line. Before Kageyama went, Suga pulled him aside, and gave him a tight hug. 

“Call me when you land. And text me when you get to the hotel. Okay? Good Luck on all your matches! And stay strong! I may be 6,100 miles away but I’m not. I’m just a phone line.” Kageyama looked up in Sugawara’s eyes, spotting the tears that threatened to fall. Honestly, anybody seeing this from the outside would probably think that Sugawara and Sawamura were seriously gay dads. Their parent vibe only got stronger, but it appeared they both had no interest in adoption. 

Kageyama pulled Sugawara into a hug, nodding. “I’ll call… Please take it easy… get home safely… I’ll keep in touch when I can.” Kageyama promised before he pulled away. 

Sugawara was a close friend, yet it hurt him to walk away to go into security check. He was leaving his safety in Japan, but there was an adventure waiting for him in Italy. Over 6,000 miles from home is where he would be in the matter of a day, but for right now, he was looking back making sure Sugawara was there until he couldn’t see him anymore. 

Strolling side by side with Hinata, the made their way over to where their gate was. Pulling the white headphones on, Kageyama kept one ear free, but for once, Hinata was quiet. They hadn’t bothered with hiding their faces, but the people that recognized them simply pointed and whispered. A few pictures were taken, and the duo just did relaxed poses as the people began to blur with their faces. 

Pushing black strands out of his face, Kageyama smiled once his teammates got into view. He raised a hand up to wave, but his peripheral vision caught something that made him look over to his right completely. For a moment, all his blue eyes could do was stare as he saw the person he saw on Facebook walk passed him. He dropped his hand, ignoring the two men who approached him, and his feet got moving. 

With confused looks at his back, Kageyama sprinted into a light run. Within seconds, his hand was grabbing the back of this tall man’s sweater, tugging it lightly. As if someone took a remote, and put the world on slow motion, Kageyama couldn’t register that the person that turned to face him had gold eyes as bright as the sun, and wavy curls. And the expression of surprise dressed those golden eyes as they realized what they were staring back at. 

“Tobio…?” Tsukishima asked, making sure what he was what he was actually seeing. 

With lips pursing a bit, Kageyama let go of the sweater, straightening up. His hands instantly went to the headphones on his head pushing them down to his neck. He looked away in time for Tsukishima to be taken over by another shocked look. With a small nod from the setter, he looked back up, and gave a small smirk. “Kei..” 

“You- Wow. Uhm, you’re actually- uhm… Airport… Traveling?” Tsukishima’s apparent awkwardness made Kageyama chuckle, giving a nod. 

“Yeah. We’re leaving for Italy in a few hours… I didn’t mean to interrupt you. I saw you, and I just- I moved before I could stop myself.” Kageyama began to apologize. 

“No, it’s alright. I was just not expecting to see anyone, of course. It is funny though, Sugawara had requested me on Facebook last night. How is he doing?”

“He- what…?” Kageyama blinked, a silent rage in him now as he discovered his friend went behind his back. He couldn’t be too mad, it sounded like something Suga would do. “Oh- Yeah. He’s alright. Him and Daichi officially tied the knot like four years ago.”

“It’s about time.”

“Yeah, you already gone. He was a little disappointed that you went ghost, but he understood that you wanted to get away.” 

Tsukishima gave a small nod, before he offered a small smirk. He gestured a hand out to Kageyama, “And you? You look well.”

“I do?” Kageyama asked doubtfully. 

“Uh-oh… What has the King down?” 

“Aahhh…” Kageyama made a small painful face, before he gave a shrug. He didn’t want to talk about this with Tsukishima, but… He also wanted to be honest. “I’m not exactly down about it anymore, but you know that crap feeling that lingers after something shitty happens?”

“You mean… Like… Being down?” Tsukki asked, scoffing, and shaking his head.

“...Yes. But it’s not like, ‘Bleh, I’m down and sad’, it’s more like ‘Wow this sucks.’” 

“Okay? Yeah?” 

“Nevermind.” Kageyama shook his head, but it got Tsukishima to chuckle. “Anyway, the shitty thing is- well… Okay so, I was engaged for a little while, and I just ended the engagement not too long ago.”

The silence between them lingered and cut a little too deeply, and Kageyama studied Tsukishima’s face that showed nothing, but the fact that the other was trying to digest the information. The blonde’s jaw tightened, before he ran a hand down his face, and broke into a laugh of disbelief. “Oh god, Tobio. I didn’t even know you were engaged… What happened…?”

“I caught him cheating.” 

“Cheating…?”

“Cheating.”

Tsukishima shook his head disapprovingly. “Who- No, I don’t want to know who. I have a feeling I know who. But why?”

Kageyama shrugged, “I really don’t care anymore. It hurt more that he cheated, but I don’t feel like I really lost anything- just five years.”

“ _ Just five years. _ ” Tsukki huffed, “That’s a big deal… Are you sure you’re holding up okay?”

“Totally.” Kageyama nodded. Blue met Gold, holding a stare, before they broke out into small smirks. Quickly, Kageyama fished his hand into his pocket, pulling out his phone. “While I found you, may I?”

“You don’t have to ask formally.” Tsukki muttered, taking the phone in his hand and typing in his digits. He quickly called himself. Once he was sure he had Kageyama’s number, he handed the phone back over. “So… I guess you’re going to a competition?”

Kageyama nodded.

“Good luck. I have to jet, I have a meeting soon and I want to be there with some time.” Tsukki excused himself. 

“Oh- yeah. Have a safe drive back.” 

Departing from Tsukishima was probably the most awkward part. Kageyama raised a hand to salute a goodbye, but he also moved in as if to hug him. Only to retract back, both of them had no idea what to do with their bodies. Kageyama took a full step back, waving before he turned on his heels and walked away. As soon as he got back to his team, everyone gave him eyes, gestures and got asked in a messy chorus of ‘Who is that?’, ‘Replacing Oikawa already?’

Kageyama raised his hands, waving them off. “Shut up. I’m not replacing Oikawa. He is  _ just  _ a friend. Okay?”

“Yeah, right. A ‘ _ FRIEND _ ’.” One of his teammates quoted, and a few chuckled. But when his captain leaned in, he knew he had to listen.

“Half of us don’t even know what’s going on but we know you and Oikawa are having trouble. You’re not wearing your ring, but the media and all of us still think you’re a thing. Play this properly, Kageyama.” 

The setter took in a deep inhale, nodding. That’s right. He didn’t tell his team, and for all his fans know, he’s still getting married to Oikawa. Kageyama had been off the radar pretty well, and the last thing he wanted to do was to go in front of all his fans and explain his business. He could keep it a secret, but the point that people will make a big stink out of it didn’t fit him well. It’s moments like these where he wished he didn’t have fame, because moving on without notice would be wonderful. 


	10. Red Transparency

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whatever it is,  
> it feels like it's laughing at me through the glass of a two-sided mirror  
> Whatever it is,  
> it's just sittin' there laughing at me  
> And I just wanna scream
> 
> What now? I just can't figure it out  
> What now? I guess I'll just wait it out
> 
> What Now by Rihanna

“And Japan’s Number 9 did it again! A surprising spike! What kind of skill does this man….”

Oikawa looked away from the television that played the volleyball match in the doctor's office. Leaning forward, he wracked his brown strands back, sighing softly. Kageyama never answered his text, but he was happy to see the other had landed safely. He was expecting a text back by now, but it seems Kageyama really had enough of him. It hurt - a lot. But at the same time, he asked for it. Always pushing Kageyama to the point where he wanted to break him. When he wanted to break him, he wasn’t expecting this… 

Sitting back in his seat, his fingers felt up on the ring that was still placed on his left ring finger. Brown eyes flickering up as he could feel mockery in the back of his head. He hadn’t cried except for the night that Kageyama left with Sugawara and Daichi. The fact that he could not stop him, talk words into him to get him to stay… Kageyama was guarded, and Oikawa was left out in the open, trying to get through with harsh words. 

What was wrong with him? Everything he has been doing up until now. Why did it take Kageyama leaving him, ignoring him, cutting him off for him to get help? Oikawa knew he had nowhere to go, he couldn’t express his feelings properly, and he just felt like an even bigger mess. He thought he had found the one in Kageyama, than Aki came and something stirred in him. He  _ did _ want to see how far he could go through with this, he wanted to test Kageyama. If he was the one, why did he like what he saw on another person? 

In so many ways, Kageyama had changed Oikawa’s life. As bitter as it appeared, he loved the nights where Kageyama was embracing him, telling him to hold on. Always the nights after he laid his hands on him, and Kageyama waited out their tension to hold him close… 

“Oikawa Tooru.” The sound of his name, made his tired eyes look over to the doctor. Getting up, his figure was sulking but his face had the look of a murderer. He was fighting so much in his head, he couldn’t smile back at the doctor that was leading him. 

Playing it on the fence always, until he shoved the one he loved off. It was always easy to catch him, and pull him back up, dance along that fragile line. The obvious difference this time, Kageyama did not reach out to him. He let himself fall. The usual white he saw Kageyama in turned black as he faded into the background.  

Slipping through the door, Oikawa sat down on the couch, eyes locking with the therapist he dropped after he graduated college. “Welcome back.”

“Thanks…” 

“Want to skip it all and just talk…?” The older male asked, his face full of grey scruff. 

“I’ll tell you now, you will be upmost disappointed in me…” With a shrug from his doctor, Oikawa pressed his lips together. Finally, those lips tugged into a small smile. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, and I need to talk just to talk…”

“I’ve been wanting to cry from the beginning. Ever since I saw him, and he wanted to still date me. I could never though, especially not in front of him. The fear that has consumed me of happiness, blissfulness, the chance to be everything and anything, all my dreams out on a plate for me to take. I did find my other half. I found him, smiling, loving what he did, and loving me. It scared me how perfect my world was becoming, and I started tarnishing it. Started arguments, that escalated to me hitting him… Then seeing how unhappy he looked with me only made me want to scream at him more, because I wanted him to love him. It was like a big game I played with him, and the more I wanted to talk and explain, the more I felt alone, the more I felt him slipping away.

Everything soon started turning to him still trying to work it, and I couldn’t figure it out. Why he was trying… I wanted him to leave me because of how horrible I was, yet, I would get blazing mad if he would so much as walk away from me.” Oikawa explained, eyes glued on the floor. 

“We’ve had this abusive circle going on for a few years… It got to the point where he ended up on meds because of me, he started drinking more, and in turn, I drank more, and smoked more, stood away, and his job naturally kept him away. We just kept missing each other, our clear lines kept blurring when we got near each other. I started it, but I always made sure he felt like it was his fault. I didn’t want to bare the guilt, but it got heavier the more I put it on him. I don’t want to be the underdog, I don’t want to say sorry to him. He drives me insane with his successes, and I think my jealousy of how great his life turned out for him by himself made me angry… Knowing I could be apart of that happiness… It thrilled me, but seeing him succeeding in everything, made me think that his love was a joke…” 

He continued, “I’ve been waiting out his emotions. For him to explode at me, to slap me, pack up and leave. But it didn’t happen. So I cheated on him. I fell in love with him, and I started having feelings for a girl. I started thinking that he maybe wasn’t actually the one-”

“I have to interrupt you…” The older man cut in, sitting up straighter. “He is going through all this for you, and you’re still doubting yourself? You don’t want him?”

“I don’t know… I think I’ve finally hit insanity. My pettiness has turned something so pure and white into a bloody cloth that won't soak up any more damage because it’s already soaked up as much as it could. I want him, I want to destroy him, but I want him to be okay. I should’ve just- locked him up in the bedroom. I swear I would have been happier if I just broke his legs and kept him tied down.”

The doctor stared intently at Oikawa, who shut up and stared back. The two lingered in that silence for a minute before the brunette bowed his head, jaw clenching. His fists balled up, and he started shaking in anger. “I guess I just gave myself up, huh…”

“I suppose you found your own answer now that you’ve said it outloud.” The doctor sighed, getting up from his seat as he moved across his office. He pulled out a blank sketchbook from his desk, walking back over to Oikawa and handing it to him. “You used to be very talented with drawing. Draw out everything you wanted to do to him. Don’t ever show it to me. I want you to draw them, stare at them, and figure out for yourself what is wrong with that picture, if the one starring in it is the one you’re suppose to be in love with.” 

Oikawa’s expression relaxed, hands taking the book. His hand ran over the cover, before his attention was called for again. “You came back, years later, but it clearly shows you’re seeking help. I’m going to assign you to an anger managements class, and I’m putting you back on Zoloft. Your anger is obviously still up there, so I will up the dosage. How serious are you about this?”

“Very…” Oikawa’s voice died a little on his lips as he looked back down at the book. The last thing he wanted was to be back on anti-depressants that controlled his anger. They dulled his emotions to the point where he became dryer, nothing phased him, and it was just overall bad for him. Yet, the thought that came to his mind was every pained face Kageyama made, every angry expression, and every cry he heard from the setter. He should have done this nearly a week ago… “I’m serious about. Up the dosage. Give me classes. I don’t care.” 

“How does 2 visits a week sound?” 

“Good…” Oikawa nodded, looking up. There goes the lump in his throat again. Wanting to cry, but he won’t. Tears were for the weak, and he was stronger than that. “Can I have your number again… Just in case…”

Hesitance came from the doctor, before he gave a nod. He wrote his number down on a small paper, handing it over to Oikawa who graciously put it in his pocket. “Do you want to talk more?”

“I think I finally said my intentions…” Oikawa muttered, getting up from the seat. Locking eyes with his doctor, “I’ve been making excuses, lying to myself, and hurting people around me. The last thing I will say, is that as much as I know my best friend would have been a better match for him, all I could think about was using his own gun against him before I let him take my  _ husband _ away from me. And if someone is trying to take him away from him, I will kill them.”

“Oikawa…”

“I’ll make an appointment in the front, and pay… I am only telling you this because if something does happen, at least there is someone who can stop me. My knee is my own fault, and I ruined a lot for myself… I won’t blame Iwaizumi leaving to the army, I won’t use him as an excuse as to why I allowed myself to get this way… I took a turn no one expected… Let’s see if I can stop this before it gets even worse…” The former sette, walked away from the doctor before he could interject. Normally, Doctors would have to turn this in immediately, but Oikawa knew he wouldn’t. Because if he was going to, he would have done it back when Oikawa first spoke to him. 

Oikawa knew the man was kind, and cared, and it was clear that this was going to happen, he would have to commit. But he just wanted to scream right now. Scream about how much he actually hated Kageyama and how his life was peachy, scream about all the self-caused pain he had to deal with and is still dealing with. Yet he simply made his next appointment, paid for his visit and left. 

Once he was outside, he pulled his phone out, calling Kageyama. It rang, and rang, and rang until it went to voicemail. Not bothering with it, Oikawa hung up. Then called again, and was met with the same thing. He pulled a smile on his face, cheering his voice up, “Oi! Tobio-chan! I saw a part of your match! I’m so proud of you! Keep it up!! And remember! You are the love of my life! I will pick you up from the airport if you want, just give me your information!” 

He ended the message there, stuffing his phone in his pocket. Keeping a cool smile on his lips, he started walking over to the gym he owned. Even if Kageyama still ignored him, he would fix this. He would get Kageyama’s attention again, no matter what. 

Thoughts, and ideas started consuming Oikawa’s mind, wondering just what he could do to get this setter back into his arms. Yet, as soon as he stepped into the gym, his hand dropped the sketchbook on the floor. He locked the doors, and walked over to the counter. Behind it, in case of an emergency, he always had a bat hidden. Punks these days liked to test small businesses. Well, the punks didn’t matter anymore. Oikawa grabbed the bat with both hands and started destroying the place he worked hard on.

The place he built based around the setter he loved, but never told. Shattering every… single… bit that his bat could reach.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_ ‘I swear, I’m Happy.’  _


	11. Blue Transparency

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I've been thinking lately about you and me,  
> And all the questions left unanswered,  
> How it all could be.
> 
> And I hope you know,  
> You never left my head,  
> And if I ever let you down,  
> I'm sorry.
> 
> Sorry by Sleeping With Sirens

Television muted, but on the volleyball game, Tsukishima paced around his apartment, a mug in hand. A few days ago, he was face to face with the famous setter, and got a life briefing. He didn’t have a chance to open his mouth, and tell Kageyama what he wanted, didn’t get to apologize before he was slapped with, ‘My life is better without you’. Though Kageyama didn’t say it, he looked lively, a little tired, but fresh. Sure, it made Tsukishima happy to see Kageyama doing well, but it also made him feel like shit. Seeing Kageyama on the TV, smiling so brightly - it was the brightest he would ever see him smile. Just keeping Kageyama on the court meant smiles all around, determination, and a field the setter could thrive in. It was nice to see that Kageyama had something still to hold on to tightly. 

Walking past his coffee table, Tsukishima pulled out his easel, placed his mug down, and placed a canvas on it. He moved it to be in front of his TV, and his eyes wandered as he watched the men on the screen, jump and run around, diving, and sweating all over the floor. Slowly, his eyes moved from the orange screen to the blank white canvas. There was one thing that Kageyama said though, that made Tsukishima even more hesitant. 

_ “I was engaged for a little while, and I just ended the engagement not too long ago.” _

Kageyama was so close to moving on with his life - he already had, Tsukishima had been deliberately ignoring this fact for years. If this dude had not messed up, Kageyama would be getting married, and Tsukishima would be really nothing but the past to the setter. Yet, he was thinking that even though they hadn’t talked in years, Kageyama came running up to him… Stopped him to talk… And openly told him his life. Kageyama was so honest, and dense, and will always be an idiot for just speaking, but there was no doubt in Tsukishima’s head, that there was more to this altercation that just didn’t happen… 

Being in the presence of someone, the only one, that he had loved whole heartedly throw him in for a loop, and he couldn’t get his mind around it. Here he was, thinking about how beautiful Kageyama looked, how age had nothing on him, and Kageyama went right in and told him that he was actually moving on from a man who did him wrong. How easily he was leaving this situation to go play… Nothing would ever beat volleyball, and Tsukishima knew this. 

Their passions were different and that was one of the reasons why they drifted. They knew what they wanted, and their worlds were different. They were too into themselves that they didn’t find the compromise that was easily there, they just walked away. It was a thought that often came to Tsukishima when he was far away on trips, the few and far chances him and Kageyama were actually in the same area. He wasn’t always with the news, or with the games, but that didn’t mean he didn’t check in on scores or locations, purposely ignoring what gossip could be floating around about the athletic star. But if they had just taken a chance, found that middle ground, how they would be traveling the world together. It was safe to say that Tsukishima was well aware that he was in love with Kageyama still, and probably always will be. But it was painful to realize that the possibility of Kageyama even still feeling the same way was very slim to none. 

If he could be friends with Kageyama though, he would. 

Grabbing his small palette, he starting doting shades of skin tones on it, mixing them up, adding white, adding different shades of brown until he got one he was happy with. Patting the brush lightly onto the pile of paint, his eyes looked at the TV once more, just in time to catch Hinata taunting Kageyama from behind. 

“Idiot…” He murmured, turning back to the white. He raised his brush to start a line, but he dropped his hand, tilting his head. He shook his head softly, adding red onto the wooden tool instead, and swapping brushes. He worked on the red until he got the perfect color for blood. Without a true direction, and based off reflection, his hand started painting. 

Well zoned, undisturbed by the flashing of the light from the fast moving TV program of the game, Tsukishima had not stopped his flow. Everything was moving steadily, blending carefully with only sharp edges to show the actual danger behind the piece. It was all peaceful until he heard the Facebook messenger sound come off of his laptop, and he snapped out of it. Taking a step back, his eyes widened at what he had painted, as if he didn’t know himself what he had been doing. But another messenger sound pulled him from his shock, and he sat down on the couch, pulling his laptop onto his lap. 

Clicking the inbox, he hovered over the name that had messaged him. It was, of course, Yamaguchi. Just as he clicked the chat, it swapped and he clicked on another, opening it instantly. He hung his head slightly, inhaling slowly. He hated when people messaged him as soon as he was trying to open something. Shrugging it off, he peeked at the name. He couldn’t really be mad at it though, not at Sugawara. 

_ ‘Hello, Tsukishima! Long time, no talk! I was just wondering how you were doing?’  _

Tsukishima rubbed his thumb over his lip, rereading the simple message over and over before his fingers decided to move.  _ ‘I’m alright. Good days, bad days… I don’t mean to be rude, and not ask back how you are doing, but I have a burning curiosity that I need to be answered as quickly as possible….’ _

_ ‘That’s no problem! What is it?’ _

_ ‘Kageyama was going to marry Oikawa, wasn’t he…?’ _

_ ‘They aren’t engaged anymore.’ _

_ ‘I know. He told me… I saw him before he left… We banged into each other at the airport… He still hasn’t learned that someone like Oikawa seriously has something wrong? When I thought his life would move for the better, I didn’t think he’d take a big step back like that…’ _

_ ‘I understand what you’re saying. It’s nice to see you still care about Kageyama’s well being, but he is staying with us now. He isn’t allowed to see Oikawa, or else he has to leave. He said he isn’t and he’s trying to move on to that better now… But it just so happened that Kageyama was in love with him.’ _

_ ‘Yeah… I guess…’  _ Tsukishima sighed, shifting back against his couch, thinking for a moment.  _ ‘Thanks for looking out for him. Honestly.’ _

_ ‘You sound like you have something else you want to say?’ _

_ ‘I don’t think it’s appropriate to do so. I will keep it to myself. But now I will ask how have you been? It’s been awhile since we’ve spoken, too. Any kids yet?’ _

_ ‘Please… You know the team was all the kids I needed. Now you’re all grown up, my job as a parent is done!’  _ Tsukishima smiled at the joke, it was something Karasuno would never live down.  _ ‘We don’t want kids, not right now. It hasn’t been on our minds, but we are alright. I’m okay. Daichi is having a little trouble with work, so I’m trying to help. He’s insisting that I just watch him suffer like I’m some kind of sadist, but I won’t.’ _

_ ‘You’re… trying to help kill him?’ _

_ ‘If only that was it! He would have been dead by now. I’m just trying to get a part time job at least.’ _

_ ‘Good luck with that. Not sure how far you are from me, but there’s a botanist shop not too far from me that is looking to hire. If you email me your resume, I’ll give it to the owner. I’m close to them, so I think they would trust my recommendation.’ _

_ ‘Ah! Thank you! That makes everything one hundred times easier, and I can shove it in Daichi’s face. He can’t say no to something I already have.’ _

_ ‘Very True.’ _

_ ‘What can I do to help you in return?’ _

_ ‘Nothing. I don’t need anything.’ _

_ ‘Yeah, right, Tsukishima. You honestly expect me to believe that there’s nothing? You saw Kageyama the other day, and you mentioned him now without a struggle. Did you talk to anyone about what you’re feeling?’ _

_ ‘I’m fine, Sugawara.’ _

_ ‘That’s how I know you’re lying…’  _

Tsukishima sighed, feeling himself being pressed into a corner. He gave Suga the ammo, and he was instantly using it. How could someone so sweet be such a silent killer sometimes? Moving his laptop off his lap, and back onto his coffee table, he looked over to his painting again. It’s been years… He might as well be honest to someone. 

Shifting onto the floor now, his hands moved across his keyboard.  _ ‘Seeing him was one of the hardest things for me, and I think hearing him say that he was about to get married was the worst of it. I did it to myself with the avoidance and denial, but what else could I do? He’s rendered my mind, and claimed it without even being around. For so long, I have wished for my freedom, but I can’t seem to break loose over something that doesn’t exist. I don’t know what I’m holding onto and it must be my own delusions. He looks so happy every time I look at the TV screen, but it isn’t just the sport - there was a person there too. I know they aren’t together now, but who is to say that Kageyama won’t go back. They have been dating for five years, while I have been trying to get my life away from the thought of him. I never imagined that I would be so heartbroken over him when we had a mutual breakup… Maybe it wasn’t as mutual as I thought it would be…’ _

_ ‘I don’t really want anything just because I can get you a job. Using you as a shortcut to Kageyama - I can’t. He’s in a vulnerable spot right now… I don’t want to do anything that would make it worse.’ _

_ ‘I don’t think you can do anything to make it worse, Tsukki. He has been talking about you a lot lately… And I mean a lot… You might think, ‘oh it’s only because he’s going through this hard time, it’s probably a rebound thing’ but I can tell you, that Kageyama is an open book. Just hear me out on this. Breaking away from the worst thing in the world, has probably driven Kageyama to want the highlight of his life. He hasn’t been talking about ‘what if I stayed with Tsukki’, all he’s been saying is, ‘I want to apologize to him’. I’m not saying that Kageyama wants to get back with you, but I know he wants you in his life… And now I know for sure that you want him in your’s… Vulnerable or not, the opportunity is there, and he  _ **_wants you there._ ** _ You should take that before it closes again and you miss your chance to at least be his friend.’  _

Apologize… To him? Out of all that was written to him, Kageyama wanted to apologize to him. The shift of emotions that swelled inside, he felt dizzy from the suddenness. What could Kageyama possibly want to apologize for? He had done nothing wrong. Maybe for the fact that they don’t talk anymore? It wouldn’t be any different than the reasons Tsukishima himself had wanted to apologize for. The rest of the message was slowly sinking in. The fact that Kageyama was talking about him, and making it seem like he wanted him back in his life. That would explain why Tsukishima caught him wearing his old headphones around his neck… How the hell did Kageyama make those things last for years? Tsukishima went through headphones nearly every month! 

Still, the thought of it would also explain Kageyama’s eagerness, and how easily he stumbled over his words and emotions that day. Romance was slim to none, but if Sugawara was saying there was a chance at friendship, he was ready to take it, and run. The sadness he had been feeling ever since he stared into those blue hues was melting away, and there was this annoying sense of hope and excitement that was filling him to the brim. Just as he was getting ready to send out a reply, Sugawara sent one first.

_ ‘He’ll be back and tired in a few days. He knows me and Daichi are gonna get him, I think it would be a nice surprise if he saw you there too. :)’ _

Fingers froze, and his mind shifted. He was going to say okay to trying to connect with Kageyama, but now he was given the opportunity to see him again, and so soon. Despite the excitement inside him, his bored bland face was in play. He didn’t want to feel this excited over Kageyama, he didn’t want to bring himself up to only get knocked down. And he knew that if he wanted to spare himself, he had to decline the offer.

_ ‘When and what time…?’  _

Sealing the door over his emotions, he knew he would get himself into trouble. But as he exchanged more personal contact information with Sugawara, Tsukishima was telling himself he had to be ready for this. He did not wait over five years to just let Kageyama slip through his fingers again. Like Sugawara said, if he didn’t take it now, he might not have another chance. 

Pushing himself up off the floor, he grabbed hold of his mug, taking a sip. He had completely forgotten about Yamaguchi’s message, but he would just reply later tonight. Right now, Tsukishima was staring at the picture he had painted, but his mind was wandering to what gift he would bring Kageyama when he came back. Maybe a new pair of headphones? So he can finally get rid of those white ones… Really, how did he even keep them so white? 

He took small steps up to his painting, and despite it not being dry, he turned it over and pushed it to hide near the couch. It was a negative picture, and he was filled with a positive vibe, he didn’t want to see it. Turning on his heels, his eyes landed on the TV for the last time, hand reaching for the remote. Kageyama’s team won, but that wasn’t a surprise. With a click of a button, the screen died to black, and Tsukishima wandered over to his room, ready to take a nap to help contain this overjoyed feeling, but his own painting was still burning a hole through his head. 

How devastating would it be if someone visited his home to see a displayed canvas of a baby crow, wrapped up and choked to death by the thorns of a vine, only to be pulled deeper into the earth… 


	12. First: The Hunger

Home Sweet Home. Tokyo, Japan was a beautiful sight for Kageyama. Tired, hungry, and eager to get back home, he hurried off the plane. Suitcase in tow, bag slung over his shoulder, he made his way toward the exit. Blue eyes were tiredly glowing, because he wanted to see none other than his best friend Sugawara and Daichi waiting for him. And most of all, he couldn’t help but wait to get back home to his dog. Parting from his team was easy. Being with them for days and nights on end, he was  _ dying _ to get away from them. 

There was a sickness in his stomach that started as he walked though. Perhaps the long flight was getting to him, but he could see Suga, and the sickness all but melted away for the moment. He could see a taller male with him, and his heart began to squeeze. His instant thought was Tsukishima, and as he got closer, a smile came to his sleepy face. Just as Tsukishima turned around, he could see the other with a cool smirk. 

Both men’s smile faded quickly. It started with Sugawara, then shifted to Tsukishima, and they seemed to be staring at something behind him. Kageyama turned, catching Oikawa reaching to grab his bag. Blue eyes widened, snatching his suitcase away, hand clutching to his bag. “What the hell are you doing here…?” Kageyama hissed, lowly; his eyes gazing with warning at the brunette. It fazed the other none, Oikawa simply gave a chilling smirk. 

That tightness that Kageyama had excitement, shifted to fear. There was a glint in Oikawa’s eyes that looked almost like he had hit the wall, broke something important, and there was nothing left but a shell of the man known as Oikawa Tooru. “What am I doing here…?” Oikawa repeated the question, and he took a step closer. The way he held his head high, the way his eyes dropped at Kageyama that if he  _ dared _ move, that something bad would happen. “I came to pick you up,  _ my love.  _ Why else would I come to an airport?” 

“You leave him alone!” Sugawara’s voice sprung up, snapping Kageyama out of the gazing-glaring trance he was in. He looked back to see Sugawara on one side, hugging his arm, and Tsukishima on the other, grabbing his suitcase. 

“Really, bullying at your age?” Tsukki sneered, raising a brow, but the body language Tsukki had was very… defensive? No…  _ protective. _ With eyes flickering back to Oikawa, the mood shifted again, and it felt like spears were pointing at them. 

In fact, it felt like if Suga and Kageyama moved, they would be dragged deeper into something they didn’t understand. Oikawa was glaring dully at Tsukishima, and Tsukishima looked like he was ready to draw blood… they both did. 

“You shouldn't…” Oikawa muttered lowly, twisting his wrist that it cracked in the silence. “You are old news.” 

“So are you.” Tsukki smirked, taking that step forward, causing Oikawa to turn to him. “Unlike Kageyama, I’m not afraid of calling the cops on you for harassment, Ace. By the looks of it, you should be more than just behind bars.”

“Anywhere you put me, I’ll drag you with me.” Oikawa  _ promised _ , and Kageyama felt himself having enough. He stepped forward, grabbing Tsukki’s arm, pulling him back now.

“He’s not worth it.” Kageyama muttered, pushing Tsukishima to start walking. He looked at Sugawara who looked extremely spooked, and that sickening feeling came back, heavier, and darker. Pushing them to walk ahead, he stopped after they were a few paces ahead, and he turned to look at Oikawa. It was then, Kageyama could see it written in his eyes, his relaxed shoulders, and the curl of his lip: He was the  _ prey. _ “I don’t know what sick game you’re trying to start… but it needs to stop.” 

“Then come home with me  _ now. _ ” Oikawa spoke, his tone soft, alluring. As if he was trying to build the trust back with simple words, he used that tone that Kageyama had fallen to his knees to. He could feel himself beckon, and he wanted to go with Oikawa simply because he was scared of what was going to happen if he didn’t. Just as he was ready to take a step forward, Tsukishima yanked him away. Trying to keep up with sudden steps, he looked up at Tsukki who was walking, looking straight, before he peeked back at Oikawa. 

“Don’t look back, Kageyama.” Tsukishima warned. Yet the setters eyes did just that. They looked back, locked with Oikawa’s and the older male just smiled. 

“Oh god…” Kageyama whispered, turning his face straight. There was an energy that the four of them could not mistake, but the extremities of it were unknown. 

“I told you to not look back.” 

“I’m sorry…” 

Tsukishima pulled Kageyama in front of him, pressing him into the wall, hands squeezing his shoulders. “Tobio. What is his mental health like?”

“W-what?”

“His mental health. What is it like?”

“Kei, I… I just got back… Please…” The exhaustion hit Kageyama suddenly, and it was mixing with fear which was causing paranoia. Mental health? That was something that Kageyama never talked about. For neither him, nor Oikawa. His blue eyes shifted up to Tsukishima. “We shouldn’t even talk about this here…”

“... You’re right…” Kei let go, staring at Kageyama until their eyes locked properly, before he walked away. 

Kageyama watched as Tsukki took steps, and he slowly followed behind him. His legs felt heavy, arms felt weak, yet he wondered if he was walking on clouds, or glass. He was jet lagged, and still very hungry. But he could not focus on himself, he was focused on the eyes that nearly spoke  _ ‘game on’  _ and Kageyama was ready to crumble. He felt guilt for not leaving with Oikawa…

Once he reached outside, and clambered in the car, he looked at Tsukishima, before he looked at Daichi, and just as he was about to speak, Sugawara broke the momentary silence. “Make sure Oikawa isn’t following us…”

“What…?” Daichi looked at Suga, turning the car off. “What happened?” 

Yet nobody answered. The car and everyone in it aside from Daichi stood still. Everyone breathing silently, yet it was most visible on Kageyama’s chest. Seconds felt like minutes, and Daichi’s patience grew weary. “Can somebody please answer me!?” 

“We saw-”

“We saw Oikawa.” Kageyama interrupted Tsukishima. They looked at each other before Kageyama looked at Daichi. “He came to pick me up… I have no clue how he got such private flight information, but he did… and he showed up… He wanted me to come home with him.”

Silence, as Daichi tried to digest what was said. Kageyama searched through the anxiety that wrapped around his chest like barbed wire, and forced more words to come. “He… he wanted me to come home, he looks sick, almost. He’s- he’s off. His features were not right, and I knew something was wrong because I got a call from the police saying that the gym was broken into and damaged, but no money was stolen, and Oikawa wasn’t answering his phone. I don’t know what happened but I think he’s going through shock…?”

Kageyama looked at Daichi, to Suga, before he looked at Tsukki. Tsukishima… who had his face so composed, so relaxed, unphased. It was a face that Kageyama felt safe speaking to. “His mental health… He was on these wild antidepressants and he had been off them for a while. He required a monitor to watch and regulate his pill intake- and ensure he took them… with the fight and everything, I stopped making sure he took his pills… it wasn’t my responsibility anymore… I’ve never seen him act out without them. Iwaizumi had passed the responsibility onto me, and I guess I assumed he would take it up again since he is living with him…”

“Iwaizumi has his own issues…” Sugawara added quietly. “Iwaizumi is a soldier with PTSD who hurt you, and your ex-fiancé is a literal nutjob. Who crashed his gym?”

“I don’t know… Oikawa didn’t even call the cops, it was one of the clients…” Kageyama murmured. “Could have been Oikawa himself.”

“Makes sense with how psycho he was looking just now.” Tsukishima added in.

“He’s not psycho.” 

“How would you know? Crazy loves crazy, you know! You’ve been trapped by him before, and you almost did it again. It’s like you  _ want him _ to  _ destroy you. _ ”

“I don’t want that.” Kageyama sneered, “And you’re one to talk about crazy, when you dated me for  _ years _ , so what does that say about you?”

“Oh no no. See, listen here, sweetheart. When we dated, we didn’t go down each other’s throats like this. Okay? We never picked out make believe flaws and pinned it to somehow make it real. You’re not going to  _ manipulate  _ me into thinking there’s something wrong with me that isn’t actually wrong.” 

Kageyama opened his mouth, ready to defend himself but Tsukki put a finger up. “You were defensive, but not the point where you flipped it on me… And if you’re going to do that… I won’t stick around.” 

As if the air couldn’t get heavier, it just did. The two glared at each other, Kageyama looking like he someone hit him from behind, and Tsukishima looking ready to do it again. Breaking their glares, Kageyama pushed his hair back, and let out a sigh. How much did he actually change being with Oikawa? Being shut down easily because of a truth, how messed up was he? Leaning back against the seat, he looked out the window. Daichi and Sugawara stunned quiet, peeking at Tsukishima who looked just as tense. With a quick scope of their surroundings, Sugawara gave the OK for Daichi to just drive. 

The ride back to Sawamura household was long, quiet, and awkward. The only chatter in the car was coming from the married couple, talking about things that had to be done, what was going to be cooked, and just about anything to keep the air light. Though it didn’t work. Not even the soft playing music could lighten up the tension between Tsukishima and Kageyama. The ravenette had barely moved from his cross-armed position, staring out the window, while Tsukishima was all but staying still. He was shuffling his sheet, playing with his fingers, messing with his glasses, and fingering the bag he had contained gifts for Kageyama. 

He let out a small sigh, feeling defeated by himself. This was not the way to start a greeting. It’s been years, and the first thing they do was fight? No. Tsukishima reached over, grabbing Kageyama’s arm. “Hey… Hey, look at me.” 

When he got hold of that pout, a smirk came to his face, and he scooted over closer to Kageyama. “I got you some stuff to make your welcome back better. He kind of ruined it, but.. I think you’ll still like them…”

“You didn’t have to…” Kageyama muttered softly. 

“I know. But I wanted to. It’s been a while, and I couldn’t help but notice you’re still holding on to those old headphones.” Tsukishima pulled at his bag, pulling out a brand new box of wireless headphones, setting them on Kageyama’s lap. “These are better though. I have a pair in white, and I thought black suited you better.”

Kageyama cracked a smirk, arms unfolding as he picked up the box, and admired the picture of the headphones. “They’re pretty… Thank you…” His let his thumbs run over the box, before he looked at Tsukishima. His eyes lingered onto his lips, before they flickered up to Tsukishima’s, and the blonde gave him a simple eyebrow quirk. “They’re nice. Really. I appreciate this. These were finally starting to mess up, but I’ve been prolonging to replace them.” 

Tsukishima should have known better than to take a simple look, and run with it. But that’s exactly what he did. He gave a small shrug, letting his arm slid over the back of Kageyama’s seat, pointing at the box. “Well there you go. You don’t have to replace them, because I did it for you. You don’t have to hold onto the past anymore, it can be a new beginning.”

“Yeah, I guess.” Kageyama bowed his head, turning the box over, and over, staring at both covers just to distract himself from Tsukishima getting closer. “New beginnings are nice… But they’re just headphones. I wasn’t really holding onto anything.” 

Their air got heavy again, fast. It was like someone just got through with a knife, and Tsukishima didn’t know how to react or what to say. He rolled his shoulders a bit, looking out the window of the front of the car, scoffing a bit. He was holding his tongue from saying something extremely nasty. The fever he had for Kageyama was dangerous, and it was going to easily show if it didn’t already. “No, you were just prolonging. What if they broke?”

“Then I would go without headphones. I don’t need music.” Kageyama spoke softly, “It was just nice to have.”

“If you don’t like music, you could have gotten rid of them, got smaller headphones.” 

“Seemed like a waste of money.”

Tsukishima nodded a bit, pulling his arm away to grab his phone out his pocket. Thank god there was a text there. He quickly unlocked his phone and proceeded to answer it, taking the extra step to text someone else, too, and check his social media really quick. Kageyama’s eyes were glued to his screen too, watching him shift through fan messages, giving generic answers before he looked out the window. “If you’re mad at me, I’m sorry…” 

“Why would I be mad?” 

“You just seem it. Like I said something wrong.”

“Over headphones? You feel how you feel, I don’t really care.”

“...” Kageyama let out a small sigh, hugging the headphone box close to his chest. Suddenly, he wished he was back in Rome. He was done with the drama, the tension, and he felt unsafe. As if he could run away from his problems… He would just have more if he picked up and left. Some people could do it, and they can hustle through it, but not when you have everything in your hand. “Fine. But if you have something you need to say to me, I’d rather you just say it, instead of hiding it and unknowingly start playing mindgames with me. Are the headphones suppose to represent you?”

“It’s just a gift, Tobio. It doesn’t have a meaning behind it.” Tsukishima said as coolly as he could. “Why would they represent me?”

“The way you worded it… Sounded like it was supposed to be for you-”

“No.” He interrupted, “That’s damn well stupid.”

“Oh…” Kageyama gave a soft sigh again, head bowing as he moved the box of headphones away from his lap, but a smirk pulled onto his features. “I did upset you. You’re not harsh like that unless someone hit the nail on something that you’ve been hiding.”

“It’s been years, I get upset over anything anyone says to me that sounds stupid.”

“That’s not true, Kei.”

“Like you know what’s true and what’s not.”

“Your tone is getting harsher.”

“Because you’re annoying me.”

“You were just nice to me, and suddenly I’m annoying you? It’s because you’re the headphones.” 

“So what?” Tsukki snapped, looking at Kageyama just as sharply. “It doesn’t matter if I am, or not. Yeah? Yeah. If you knew, you already gave your answer then, right? Right.”

“That’s not-”

“Fair? I don’t care. When have I ever been?”

“You are. You just always want to be tough, chest out, with that facade. If you didn’t care you wouldn’t have said it to begin with…”

“Again, you still gave your answer regardless.” The words slipped out extra cold, and he pushed himself over to his original seat. “Daichi pull over please.” 

The older male looked through his mirror, nodding, and soon the car was pulled aside. Tsukishima pushed the door, getting out, and slamming it behind him. Just as Daichi was ready to pull out, Kageyama pushed his door open, and ran out after him. “Kei…” The other didn’t stop his long strides. “Kei! Don’t ignore me!”

“What?!” Tsukishima snapped, turning around. Kageyama stopped walking, and there was distance between them, but it felt as if they were face to face. 

“Don’t do this to me… I told you before I left that I was getting over a marriage that failed! Springing your feelings on me in CODE isn’t going to help me, or us, if that’s what you wanted! Yes, I kept your headphones, yes I missed you. Is that what you wanted to hear? Yes, I held onto old memories, and yes I want to make new ones with you. But I’m not going to jump into a romance with you… Because if I’m going to fall in love you again, I want it be because  _ I love you _ and not because I  _ think  _ I need someone… You’re ready to jump the gun, and steal me like I’m some fucking prize… I’m not a prize, I’m a human… And I need time…”

Tsukishima stared hard at Kageyama, and the words hit him. They hit him loud and clear, but waiting was something Tsukishima did not want to do. Biting his lip, he ran a hand through his hair, down his face. Kageyama was right, and that much, he will admit. “I know you just got out of something… Pardon me for being a little selfish in wanting you. I never stopped, and I feel like you’re just gonna slip away…” 

“Even if I have to face you not wanting me in the future… As a friend, I’ll do whatever I can to help you get away from those feelings of Oikawa…” The blonde took steps forward, closing the space between the two. “How selfish am I being?”

“Very. And inconsiderate because I’m tired…” Kageyama pouted, shaking his head. “I argue enough with him, I don’t want to argue with you, too…” 

“I’m sorry.” 

Kageyama looked up quickly, surprised by the apology, and searching for sincerity in Tsukishima’s face. When he was sure it was there, he smiled and nodded. “Me too…”

“You don’t have a reason to be.”

“I was brash, I shouldn’t have been… I didn’t mean to-”

“Oh shut up. They’re probably extremely worried, and stressed… First fuck face, now me…” Tsukki sighed, “You’re holding up though.”

“Yeah, but stop stressing me.” Kageyama muttered, “Get back in the car. We’re gonna have to explain ourselves now.” 

“They’re not our parents, we don’t have to tell them shit.” Kageyama turned, giving Tsukishima a look. “... Yeah, I know we have to. Shut up.” 

With a know-it-all smile, Kageyama stuck his tongue, slipping back into the car, Tsukishima following behind him. “Are you two done acting up?!” Sugawara’s voice sprung up as soon as the door shut. “You are both grown adults, and you’re acting out like you’re on some drama TV show! It’s bad enough Oikawa looks like he’s the murderer of this show, but now you two are acting like a complicated love interest. You’re gonna make my hair grey.” 

“Babe, your hair is already grey.” Daichi whispered, and Suga’s hand shot out, pulling at his ear really hard.

“You, stay out of it. You know it’s hair dye!” 

Blue eyes met Gold, and the two males exchanged a small smile, before they looked back at their two elders now arguing over the color of Suga’s hair, before their attention turned back on the boys. The rest of that car ride? Turned into one long lecture about communication, and trust. 


	13. Second: The Hunt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Baby, I wanna touch you   
> I wanna breathe into your well   
> See, I gotta to hunt you   
> I gotta to bring you to my hell   
> Baby, I wanna fuck you,   
> I wanna feel you in my bones   
> Boy, I'm gonna love you  
> I'm gonna tear into your soul."
> 
> Desire by Meg Myers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More like Chapter 12.5 because it's so short. But I wanted you guys to get a gist of what Oikawa was doing.

“How frustrating…” Oikawa muttered to himself, slipping into his car. He slammed his door hard, hands gripping the wheel without inserting the key. “To be so close, and that idiot blonde somehow managed to wiggle in the picture.” 

His fingers drummed along the wheel, as he started to dig into his thoughts. Seeing the blonde was less than pleasurable, and what pissed him off more was how he challenged him. “Who the fuck does he think he is? Honestly… just a dead mouse the cat dragged in… If he thinks he’s gonna be  _ superman and save the day, he has another damn thing coming.” _ Oikawa’s words become twisted, vile. Rolling his neck back, he bit his lip, knowing it was best to control that boiling anger.

_ Desire  _ was always a dangerous thing… Want… It lead to the seeking affection, validation. As artificial as sex was this day and age, it’s evident that once someone opens their legs, they want validation from that person. Perhaps fucking Kageyama when he wasn’t aware wasn’t a smart move, and the thought of it wasn’t in the setters mind anymore.  _ ‘I swear if Tsukishit touches him, and he caves into that, I will seriously hurt him….’ _

The thought of someone else touching his doll, his most prized possession that he hated, it drove him insane. Knowing that Kageyama left with  _ him _ , made him angry. And he couldn't keep his cool enough to not raise suspicion. Kageyama was so close to him, almost so close to walking  _ away with him _ , but the heroes had to come. “Ha! Heroes my ass…” Oikawa muttered, jamming his key into the ignition. “Heroes always have an end.”

Starting the car up, Oikawa wanted to follow their car so badly. He knew what it looked like- already had their license memorized, but doing that now would mean  _ nothing _ . Kageyama was so well aware, he knew what was going to happen, but he still left with that blonde? What the  _ FUCK  _ did that cold-no type of motivation-sarcastic  _ idiot _ have that he didn’t have? The lack of care? Was that it?

A prince should not be treated with little attention. Whether it was good or bad, attention was attention. Oikawa pulled his visor down, tugging a picture out of Kageyama that was held there by a rubber band. The picture of the setter staring off in the distance, in his sexy black volleyball uniform,  _ smiling _ … It made Oikawa very hungry. He wanted to bite into that succulent neck, plunge into his smaller body, and pull those soft silky black strands. No. He wasn’t a sex addict, but physical vulnerability was the key to emotional attachment, and mental commitment. Pulling five years together was based on all that- and Oikawa knew how to get that from Kageyama. If Tsukishima figured it out again- He would lose his control, his doll would be ripped away just like a kid stealing another kid’s toy.

Oikawa could not let that happen.

Slamming his foot down on the gas, he pulled his car out of the parking lot, heading to the highway. He pulled his phone out his pocket, plopping it onto the holder his car had. “Hey, Siri…”

“ **What can I help with, Tooru?”**

“Call Aki.” The phone started ringing in the car speakers, and within a few seconds, the sweet voice picked up. “Hey shortcake, I have a favor to ask you.”

“You have some nerve, Tooru! I was in the shower, we haven’t spoken in weeks, and you’re calling for-”

“Are you going to deny me? You know, your friend Kim is a willing girl, I’m sure she’ll do it if I gave her what she wanted. Me.”

“.... What do you need…?”

“Iwaizumi will never give me a firearm. And, unfortunately, my past is catching up to me. There are a bunch of guys out there trying to get back at me, and I fear that they’ll try something. I just need you to get a gun from him, and then give it to me. That’s all.”

“Why would he give me a gun?”

“Because you’re gonna tell him the story I told you, but you’re gonna pretend it’s you.” Oikawa explained, growing agitated. “Do this for me and I’ll be able to protect us both.”

“Why can’t you just sneak a gun?”

“Because he’ll know I snuck it, and that defeats the purpose. Babe… please? I’m  _ really  _ worried about my safety.”

“.... Okay… You said to protect us… does that mean you finally gave up on that guy? Are we going to date now?” 

“Of course. If I didn’t worry about  _ us,  _ I wouldn't be asking for this. I’ll pick you up in a little while, okay?”

“Okay- Oh! One more question.”

Oikawa rolled his eyes, shaking his head. “Yes?”

“What if he doesn’t give it to me?”

“Suck him off or something. I don’t know. He’ll get uncomfortable and give it to you, and if he doesn’t- just suck him dry, and get it. I’ll let it slide this once because I’m telling you to do me a favor, but don’t fall in love with him.~ Okay?”

“I only love you, Tooru… I’ll get dressed. I’ll be waiting.”

Oikawa growled lowly, hitting the end button on his call. This girl was way too easy and dumb for her own good. She was such a pretty face, but it amazed Oikawa how she was even going through life, and even had a career. He didn’t have to play games with her, she just easily crawled into his hand and looked up to him like a God when even he knew that he was the opposite of one.

What went through her mind? Trusting Oikawa out of nowhere when he hadn’t ushered a single word to her for Kageyama’s sake. That little selfish ass… How was Kageyama blind to him? One fight, and that was it. He walked away… It was all thanks to Sugawara, too. What kind of bullshit has he been shoving into Kageyama’s head?

The rest of the car ride was smooth for Oikawa, diving deep into his thoughts, plans to get back what was rightfully his. Kageyama was branded his, and nothing less…

As Oikawa pulled his car up, Aki quickly slipped into the car. Looking at Oikawa with bright blue eyes, those perfect black strands, she truly did look like Kageyama. Temper started to boil, anger shifting through him as he wanted to grab her neck and snap it like a doll for looking as beautiful as the man who left him. “Thanks for doing it.”

“Yeah, of course.” Aki said with a smile, leaning in and placing a kiss on Tooru’s cheek. “Anything for you. Just- tell me exactly how am I supposed to do this?”

“Just go in… alone. Tell Iwaizumi that you don’t feel safe and ask for a gun. Insist on a small one if you must, and if he doesn’t, give him a blow job.”

“I don’t think I’m comfortable with being intimate with him like that…”

“Oh- come on. It’s not like I’m saying to lay on your back for him. Just give him a little something and you’ll get me a gun.”

“You should just get one from a gun store.”

Oikawa looked her over with a glare. “My medical records prohibit me from getting one. Now. Either suck him, or I’ll replace you as my girlfriend.”

“Why are you being so brash-”

“Why can’t you understand that I don’t feel safe? I’m asking this one tiny favor of you.” Oikawa sighed, shaking his head. “Unbelievable. You’re just like him. I give, give, give, and you both just take, take, take. Ungrateful, selfish. I give you the world and I’m asking for one thing and suddenly you’re  _ ‘uncomfortable’ _ .”

“But you’re asking me to use my body!”

“Because I  _ know _ he won’t let you! He’s not shallow. I’m not telling you to use your body, I’m telling you to intimidate him with it.”

“Okay!” Aki threw her hands up. “Okay… I’ll do it… I’ll get you your gun…”

“Thank you.” Oikawa sighed out. Placing his hands on the wheel, he smirked at himself in the side mirror of the car. “I promise, I’ll take you out on a extravagant date.”

“Where to…?”

“L’Effervescence?” Oikawa offered, “It’s a beautiful restaurant, and the food is to _ die _ for.”

“Alright. Okay! I’m sold… L’Effervescence it is. I heard it has a theme with the season, and they speak French and English well.”

Oikawa gave Aki a soft nod, hand slipping over her thigh, giving it a gentle squeeze. “Ready to go then?”

“Yes! Let’s do this!” 


	14. Bonds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I’m the one that you need and fear  
> Now that you’re hooked, it’s all becoming clear  
> That all your judgments that you placed on me  
> Was a reflection of discovery  
> So maybe next time when you cast your stones  
> From the shadows of the dark unknown  
> You will crawl up from your hiding place  
> Take a look in the mirror  
> See the truth in your face  
> So how can this be?  
> You’re praying to me  
> As I look in your eyes  
> I know just what that means  
> I can be, I can be your everything
> 
> Whore by In This Moment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 110 is the Japan Emergency Police number while 119 is Fire/Ambulance/Emergency Rescue number.
> 
> I also changed the summary of the story ヾ(＾∇＾) It feels more fitting now!

“Ha! Kei- Kei!” Kageyama’s voice slipped free, panting hard as his hands roamed down Tsukishima’s back. His body arching into the blonde’s, fingers digging into the skin.

“Lower your voice…” Tsukki whispered, his hips pushing deeper into Kageyama’s body. “Suga will hear us if you get any louder.”

Kageyama’s blue eyes looked at Tsukishima, spotting that smirk just in time before another low moan escaped the back of throat. He leaned forward, biting into the other’s neck. Just a few hours ago, Kageyama was telling him just how he couldn’t be with someone just, yet but when they got into this room, he was more than ready to get on his back for the blonde, and he did. They could have stopped after the first two rounds, but together, they were pushing at three.

Controlling his sounds was becoming difficult, especially when Tsukishima knew exactly where to hit inside his body. The blonde pushed Kageyama’s legs, getting him on his hands and knees, fingers pressing into the raven’s hips as he rammed himself into the tight place. The sheets were quickly pushed into Kageyama’s mouth, desperate to keep his sounds down as he enjoyed the feeling that Tsukishima was creating. Stimulation was just the physical part, tension was quick to find it’s way into movements and release… But love… it resonated through. From the kisses, to how the words were spoken, how easy going yet rough Tsukishima was being with him… It had been awhile since Kageyama had warm hands glide over his body and touch him like he was an artifact with appreciation- rather than a toy to toss around. Sure, maybe that was arousing, but how could that compare to care?

Arms above his head, pinned down to the pillow as Tsukishima buried himself as deep as he could into his body, both their moans bouncing quietly off the walls of the room. Their scents mixing together the longer they stood close, shifting through positions as if they were having sex for the first time. Thoughts were hardly able to pass through Kageyama’s head, and if there is one, it was quickly gone.

“I can’t a-anymore…” Kageyama panted out, feeling his body be pushed onto his back again. Blue met gold as Tsukishima brought his face closer. His arms wrapped around Tsukki’s neck, pulling him down close so they're connected into a deep kiss, moaning lazily into the kiss until the heat began too much. He tossed his head back against the pillows, letting out a carelessly loud moan as he released, feeling Tsukishima fill him up.

As Tsukishima settled into the bed, Kageyama rolled to settle on his chest, chin resting on the strong frame as he started to study his face. Surely, there was a lot of unspoken things, but Kageyama couldn’t bring himself to say them. Earlier’s events were nothing but the past fast and easily forgotten. Fingers lightly moved down Tsukishima’s chest, before a soft kiss was placed. “Thank you…”

Tsukishima blinked, confused, turning his head slightly to look at Kageyama. “What…?”

“Not… For the sex… But… For coming back. It was a coincidence, but… I don’t know.” Kageyama sighed softly, unable to get the words he wanted to say. Tsukki blinked before he shook his head lightly. He pushed himself to sit up, causing Kageyama to do the same. A hand slipped up to hold Kageyama’s cheek, and a smirk came to his face.

“If you’re talking about him, he’s not going to hurt you. Nothing is going to hurt you. Not when I’m around.” Tsukishima promised.

Kageyama shook his head a bit, taking in a deep breath. “I believe you…” Pushing a hand forward, he let his fingers touch over Tsukishima’s hand. “I haven’t had time to think… I felt like I was making a mistake for not giving myself that time… But… It’s different this time…”

“This time…?”

“When we first broke up… I jumped into another relationship to numb the thought of you… The regrets, the memories… I’d still think about of you, though, and think about how wonderful we were, and how wonderful we could have been…” He shook his head again, “I would always feel so guilty for thinking about you, and I felt even worse because I was numbing you with someone else… But… I feel like… This is how it’s supposed to be. You and I…”

Tsukishima tilted his head, searching Kageyama’s eyes who seemed to be doing the same. Finally, catching each other, Tsukishima’s features lightened. “I couldn’t bring myself to date… Eventually, the healing just turned to me dedicating my life to my art. I never got around to actually moving on to get over you. I just shoved it away… You’re not hard to understand… I can’t take credit for being the only one who could, but I know that I’m the only one who knows how to be proper to you.”

“He’s so abusive; I’m not sure where it went wrong, when I had to start taking meds, or when he stopped taking his… It became a game, and when I saw him smiling at someone else, I realized that I wasn’t even playing anymore. I was surviving while he was having fun. If there is anything he wants, it’s control… He’s a power trip, he’s hungry for it. I know he’s not happy with me going with you…” Kageyama looked away, moving over to the edge of the bed. He pulled his legs close to his chest.

“There is something you’re not telling me.”

“It’s not that… There is something I’m unsure of. I’ve never seen him look that scary, and I trust you. If you say I won’t get hurt, I believe you. But that doesn’t mean I’m not still scared. I might be an idiot, but … I belong to him. He’s not going to just give me up.”

“I thought you said you guys weren’t getting married anymore?”

“We’re not. Yet, he still picked me from the airport. It’s over- but maybe it’s only over for me.” Kageyama sighed heavily, rubbing his head. Tsukishima placed his arms around his body, planting a kiss on Kageyama’s cheek.

“Let’s give it a few days. Just relax. Go to work, we’ll meet up, if you feel unsafe, or if he comes by, call me and don’t leave the place you’re at. I’m certainly not scared of him.”

Kageyama looked over at him with weary eyes, but he still smiled at Tsukishima. If Tsukishima wasn’t scared, he was going to put that trust in him. It might have been foolish, but the more safety that was given to him, Kageyama was going to soak it up. He leaned against Tsukishima, peering out the window, eyes flickering over the moon that shone so brightly, promising the same as Tsukki’s words. He closed them as he rested, telling himself that everything was okay now. He was where he wanted to be. No discussion needed. They fell into place like puzzle pieces, and through their own bodies, it was clear how much they needed each other.

He knew he couldn’t deny his feelings for Oikawa. He loved Oikawa, they had their own memories, and it did feel right until it fell apart. Some things couldn’t be fixed, and over time, their problems had been swept under the rug, it was a mess to see where to start. The obvious part would probably be for Kageyama to get rid of his pills, and Oikawa to get back on his. Next step to slow the drinking on both their ends and communicate better- but being honest with himself…

Oikawa’s pills were only there to keep him out of the hospital. To help him function and be a normal healthy person. It worked for a while, but if it was supposed to be forever, the forever ended. Stepping into freedom, being brought to the light about what his relationship actually was made Kageyama feel like there was nothing to mourn other than the times he and Oikawa did get along. Which was few and far between.

Feeling Tsukishima move off him to lay down caused him to peek over his shoulder, but his eyes went back out to the moon. He was concerned still… Oikawa was not well, and neither was Iwaizumi. Aki sure had no idea what she would have gotten herself into- and Kageyama couldn’t help to wonder what bar Oikawa was in, drinking himself to idiocy while he was here, sleeping with his ex, and enjoying it guilt-free. Kageyama peered back at Tsukishima, and he thought, without fear, ‘I want to spend the rest of my days like this.’ He laid back in the bed, feeling Tsukishima’s arms wrap around his waist, nuzzling into the back of his neck.

If he had gone back with Oikawa… What would have happened? Kageyama couldn’t help but think about the fight they would have gotten into. How Oikawa would probably yell at him about moving on, and how dare he do such a thing when they loved each other so much. Clouded and faded, they both were. That much Kageyama understood. Yet he was pulled into the light quickly and easily… A little too easy… Maybe Oikawa thought he was stupider than he thought, or maybe Oikawa just thought he had it locked down… He did have it locked down. His cards were properly placed, and there were no worries. Maybe it was the fact that Oikawa let his guard down that he was caught so easily after two long hard months of cheating.

Kageyama frowned, turning over to hide in Tsukishima’s chest. It was amazing how fast the blonde already fell asleep, and it pulled Kageyama down too. “Well…” He whispered to himself, “Whatever happens… We can do it together… If you want to stay…”

Of course, it had crossed Kageyama’s mind again how this could all possibly mean he’s using Tsukishima as a rebound- but the more he thought about it, the more he realized how wrong that thought was. They walked away from each other without a goodbye, they were eventually going to crossroads again, and continue again. Continue being in love…

Pushing up a little to admire the sleeping face, Kageyama gently traced the other’s lips. Maybe that’s what this was… Once Oikawa was out of the picture, they can continue where they left off.

* * *

 

“So, that’s it?” Karla, a famous reporter for a big magazine asked Kageyama. “You are no longer engaged? Since when?”

“Well… I was talking to my friend, and I realized that I hadn’t told anyone about it. It’s going to be a month now that I’ve called it off. In brief terms, it just didn’t work out like I hoped it would.” Kageyama explained.

“That’s crazy! You’ve been dating him ever since you started your career!”

“I know. As time goes on, though, you don’t always realize how things change, until one day it hits you hard, and runs you over flat. I wish I had realized it earlier, and realized it for myself on top of that, but one of closest friends had to bring me terms. He took me out the house and helped me clear my mind after I caught him cheating. I actually didn’t even catch him, someone sent me a picture through Instagram, and it was just- it was a lot, is a lot, things are still trying to be fixed and sorted out…” The setter shrugged, smiling as he looked into the camera of the TV.

“Wow that’s so crazy, I can’t believe…”

The noise started to fade to Oikawa was he walked through Iwaizumi’s apartment. He opened his friend's door, sitting down on his bed. “I can’t believe this started because you decided to bring him to his damn senses.”

“Oh- Come on. You can’t be pissed at me about that.”

“Actually, I can. You took him from my hands and then you tried to steal him from me. But he left before you could even get the chance. Neither of us gets him.” Oikawa huffed, shoving a hand into his hair.

“If you’re going to get nasty about this, I suggest you stop. I didn’t want to date him- but at least it didn’t happen simply because he didn’t like me. Not because he realized how fucked up I actually am in the head.”

“Oh please. At this rate, you, and I are the same. You have episodes where you knock people down and hurt their wrists, I just take them for self.” Oikawa spat bitterly. “If it wasn’t because of you insisting that he deserved better than me, he would still be in my bed-”

“Submissively being a prisoner to you.” Iwaizumi interjected. “What… happened…? You were never this bad, Oikawa. And you’re claiming you love him, you should be happy that he’s doing better for himself…”

“Are you dating anyone now?” Karla’s voice sprung up again, Oikawa turning his head to the doorway where he could hear the TV.

“Not seriously…” Kageyama replied, with a chuckle after. Oikawa shot up from his spot on the bed, punching the nearest wall.

“Not seriously? He’s fucking around with Tsukishima. I hate him, I swear to God, I’ll fucking  _ kill  _ him. He is the worst thing that has ever happened to Kageyama and I. Aside from your talking bullshit, Sugawara, too, and now Tsukishima. I won’t be surprised if Hinata had a play in this too. Who else does he even talk to?” Oikawa scoffed, shaking his head, but his question was serious. “I seriously blame you…”

“Then, blame me.”

“I aamm!!” Oikawa growled. He took quick steps to Iwaizumi, punching him in his shoulders and knocking the man into his bed. He straddled his lap, pinning him down. “Believe me, I am. I trashed my gymnasium, lost my apartment because he went through in giving it up, lost my dog, my life, everything! But you know what’s funny?”

“What…?”

“The only thing he didn’t cut me out of was the damn bills for the hospital. He’s still paying for whatever fucking medicines, visits, anything, that I need.”

“Maybe because he wants you to take care of yourself?”

Oikawa clicked his teeth, nodding a bit as he sat back, pushing his hand behind his pants, adjusting his belt. “I don’t like talking to therapists because they keep track of everything. It’s shitty actually, and annoying, so I don’t really want their help. Since you ruined my relationship, care to lend an ear?”

Iwaizumi sighed, shaking his head at the stupidity of the subject. “Sure.”

“Good. He can wish that I take care of myself all he wants, but I’m fine. He made the mistake of listening to your stupid ass in valuing himself. He wanted to make me feel guilty for fucking him when he wasn’t aware, but it’s drunk moments that you open that heart the most, and he blubbered out all night about how much he missed me, how much he wanted me and loved me, and how badly he wanted it to work out. Here I was, trying to get it back on track, and what the fuck did he do? Completely left. Didn’t even give me the chance, the benefit of the doubt- nothing. It was just stone cold turkey from him.” Oikawa scoffed. “I could have had  _ him _ under control if it wasn’t for you opening your damn mouth to save the day, and now everyone wants to keep running to save the day, just so he doesn’t come back to me.”

Iwaizumi’s jaw clenched, eyes staring at Oikawa hard and cold. “You think you’re worthy of him…?”

“No... I think he’s worthy of  _ me. _ I’m not the bad guy here. He and I made each other happy. Day in and day out. We always loved each other. We were always there for each other. I know him like the back of my hand, and he let me do what I want to keep me happy.”

“That’s not a healthy relationship, Oikawa.”

“Not for you. He was fine being oblivious, and I was fine with ruling his body. Do you know how much you fucked me over? I cheated on him, and now he’s running with everything that’s ever happened in a way he didn’t see it before. You all call me the manipulator, but no one is letting him think for himself. You made me feel like shit for trying to get him to come back to me, but what about everyone else? He always has someone dictating his emotions for him. But I’m the bad guy because I want him for  _ myself _ ? Why should I share?”

“Do you even hear yourself? No one is making him feel guilty about himself the way you did! No one is telling him to choose Tsukishima, or to leave to another house! Sugawara offered it to him! And I’m sure he chose Tsukishima over you because you’re a damn psycho!”

“Says the man who killed dozens of men who had families and friends, listening to an even more psychotic person bark orders. Your general has control over you, and I have control over Kageyama. It’s the same damn bullshit!”

“No! It’s not! My commanding officer doesn’t stand over my head and make me feel like a failure when we have a failed mission! He doesn’t drive me into a corner and make me feel guilty of making a mistake! You, on the other hand, deprived Kageyama of so much time, and life because he was busy trying to make you happy! And in the end, you  _ STILL _ didn’t appreciate it! He knew how he felt- acting upon it; it's what scared him. He’s not scared of you anymore! That’s why he’s on national TV right now, telling the world how you’re a fucked up lying and cheating bastard!”

“It’s a real damn shame your new commanding officer didn’t kill you when you let Akane die,” Oikawa said coldly, throwing the subject out there to cause obvious hurt to Iwaizumi. “It’s almost a shame that Akane’s death is also going to be the last thing on your mind. You all fucked me over by stealing the one thing that I loved…”

“You need to stop,  _ Tooru _ .” Iwaizumi growled, pushing up on his arms to sit up better. “This is ridiculous and if you don’t stop, I’m dragging your shit ass to the hos-”

Cold metal met at Iwaizumi’s temple, brown eyes widening. He reached his hand up just as Oikawa pulled the trigger down on the pistol Aki had gotten, blowing a bullet straight through his best friends head. Iwaizumi’s body fell back. Red staining the bedsheets heavily in a small circle. “Sorry, Iwa-chan. You were a great friend until you took my life away from me… You told on me once, you’ll do it again. Just stay away from _ my Tobio. _ ”

Moving off his best friend's lap, he looked at the gun with tired eyes. He grabbed Iwaizumi’s hand, wrapping his fingers around it, and placing it in a certain position. Standing up, he pulled his phone out, dialing 110. He walked to the doorway, before looking back at his best friend, shaking his head in disbelief as sadness filled him.

“This is  _ 110 operator _ , what is your emergency?”

Oikawa choked out a freaked outcry, “I came home and my best friend killed himself!”

“Please remain calm, can you give me your location?” As Oikawa uttered out the address, he stayed staring at Iwaizumi, letting the scene of his dead friend sink in to help trigger the show he was pulling. “Can you tell me what happened?”

“I don’t know! I just came home, and he’s laying in the bed with a gun in his hand and he’s bleeding out the side of his head! He’s a soldier with PTSD but he seemed fine before I left this morning!” Oikawa continued, the panic ensuing in his voice.

“Police are on their way soon. Stay calm, leave the room, and I advise that you drink some water. Did he show any signs of depression before that?”

“There was only one other time, but I wasn’t there for that. Kageyama Tobio- the famous volleyball player- the last incident happened with him. I think my friend tried to attack him!”

“Sir, this isn’t for pranks-”

“I’m not pranking you! My name is Oikawa Tooru, I’m Kageyama’s ex! I came home to find my best friend dead in his bed and the last thing I know is that he and Kageyama had gotten into some sort of altercation, and he said he saw dead people talking- his ex-comrade to be exact. His comrade was someone he fought with and he always had trouble dealing with his death. I know his friend died with a bullet through his head, and that’s how I found my friend! Dead with a bullet in his head!”

“Okay. Police and an ambulance will be arriving shortly.”

Oikawa took a deep breath, trying to steady his breathing as he fought back tears. He looked at the body one last time before he turned away and left the room closing the door behind him. He even poured himself some water as he stood on the phone with the operator who ensuring him to stay calm and talk to him about his current emotions; trying his best to reassure her that he wasn’t feeling anything but initial shock, and instant sadness, asking her how he is supposed to cope with that. He even went as far as to tell her that he was  _ selfish _ for taking for life. When the police showed up, he hung up the phone and explained the story all over.

“Kageyama Tobio…?” One of the officers asked, wanting to make sure they got the name right. Oikawa nodded. “Do you have any way that we can contact him?”

“I’m sure he changed his number because we’re not on the best of terms, but I know he has a practice schedule which is nearly the same still. He should be at one of the gyms tomorrow for practice. They usually play from 8 AM to 12 PM, and he usually goes to a regular gym after lunch. I don’t remember the names but I can give you the addresses.” Oikawa leaned in, grabbing the pen and paper the officer offered, writing the information before handing it over. “He’s going through a lot right now with our break up… When you tell him, please be gentle…”

“We will...We’ll take the body into custody and the gun, start up an investigation and see if we can get answers. Does he have any family?”

Oikawa shook his head no, “They passed away a few years ago… One of them left the country to America and all contact is lost… I’m the only family he is.”

The officers exchanged looks and Oikawa frowned. “Unlikely? First, the operator didn’t believe that I’m Oikawa Tooru, and now you guys don’t believe that I’m all he has? This is fucking crazy…”

“We'll be in contact…” One spoke up, putting a hand on Oikawa’s shoulder. “We believe you, we just have to double check just to be sure. In the meantime, let’s get you in a hotel, away from this.”

Oikawa nodded solemnly, being allowed to pack a bag at the time that the cops had begun to investigate Iwaizumi’s body. “Can I… just… see him one last time…? He was my best friend…” The cop nodded, allowing Oikawa to walk over to the room one last time. His hand held the edge of the door as he peered in. In the midst of an argument, he shot his best friend dead… But in the back of his mind, he was thinking…

_ ‘He deserves it. He took my life, so I took his...Goodnight, Hajime… Maybe we’ll meet again one day.’ _

Feeling a hand on his shoulder, he excused himself from the room and went with the cops. Surely, they would ask the neighbors about all recent events. He wasn’t worried. This building had no cameras for him to worry about them catching him not walking into the house, and the neighbors only heard two things come out this apartment. The abuse and the fight Oikawa had with Kageyama. And now this. Closing his eyes as they walked to the elevator, guilt poked at his stomach. He didn’t  _ want  _ to kill his best friend… But at the same time, his best friend wasn’t even his best friend anymore with the lack of support as of lately, and it infuriated him.

As Oikawa crawled into the cab, one of the cops shut the door behind him. Oikawa rolled down the window, peering up with stressed eyes, “Please keep in contact?”

“Of course. We’ll pay Kageyama a visit tomorrow.”

“Thank you…”

“Rest easy.” The cop slapped his hand on the car letting the driver know that it was okay to move. Once the scenery began to change, Oikawa settled into the seat of the car with a sigh. A small smile took to his face as he stared at the finger that pulled the trigger. There was a list of people who happened to be in the way, and one of them was completely gone now.  _ ‘They’re gonna ask me about a funeral, and if Kageyama is involved, he’s going to talk to me about having one…’  _ he thought,  _ ‘Really, I’d rather just throw his body underground but- we don’t even have an option. He is a soldier- and one that had many duties… The ceremony will be run by the government… Guess I’ll see what happens then.’ _

_ ‘As easy as I shot him, would be as easy as I dump his body. But his body is what’s going to bring me back to Kageyama. You’re repenting for your mistake, Hajime, your death was not futile.’  _


	15. Oceans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Livin' in a cruel world  
> Trudging with my feet in the snow  
> On a day out  
> And it turned night now  
> Doctor, I've been walking on the side of the road, for a long time  
> And I'm going out of my mind  
> It's so far from me now, but oh I can hear the sounds  
> Can't you hear the bells singing along?  
> You all hear it on the radio  
> Can't you see the hero coming home?  
> Can't you hear the bells 
> 
> Hear the Bells by Porter Robinson

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, thank you all for your patience. This was a chapter I struggled with really hard, for a really long time, but it has formed into something I'm really proud of, and I hope you enjoy because I ended up really proud of it.  
> Thank you so so sooo much for waiting on me, but I present Oceans to you. 
> 
> I recommend listening to this if you can while reading: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wPg3x4Bg8IA  
> This is Kageyama's outfit, since I know I didn't describe it well: http://imgur.com/a/oK9ER

Soft ray of sunlight slipped passed the white curtains, hitting Kageyama’s pale face. The sound of bells in the distance being outlined by chirping birds closely. Two baby birds landing on the window pane, singing their song towards Kageyama. Slowly, the setter woke up from his spot on the couch. As he sat up, there was a soft sound of ruffling, and his blue eyes looked around the room. The walls were covered in pale peach flowered wallpaper, there was a fireplace, and a mirror above it. The room was still, as was the world outside, and the only thing that seemed to be moving was the birds that had flown away. 

Those blue eyes looked around once more, taking in the rooms features again. There was a vanity one side, and a queens size bed on the other. Slowly getting up, that ruffling sound came about again. Looking down, Kageyama’s hands ran over the tulle of a blue ball gown dress. His breath caught in his throat, and he slowly made his way over to the vanity. He pushed the bottom of the dress hands, sitting on the chair as he stared in the mirror. The top of the dress was mesh, a beautiful design laced flowers across his chest and arms, the sweetheart of his dress was perfectly flat against his chest. And for once, Kageyama felt… beautiful. It wasn’t your traditional wedding dress, but he was happy. The soft bells sounded again, making his nerves start up again. Today, he would be marrying Oikawa Tooru, the love of his life. He straightened his back as he heard the light chirping of the birds again, and a small smile came to his face. He was wondering what the man of his dreams was doing right now. 

Grabbing his lip balm from the counter, he gently and slowly placed it on his pinks, adding a soft glow to it. He got out of his seat, and walked towards the full body mirror, giving a small twirl at himself. He enjoyed the sound of it, the swoosh. His hands enjoying the feel of tulle of the dress. He turned, seeing that back has laced flowers down the train, and he was happier. His life felt easy, simple. There was nothing in his mind to be worried about. Facing the mirror straight again, he ran his hands over each other, feeling the engagement ring Oikawa had given him. It was also blue. Everything was about this was blue. From the nice free breezing sky blue of his dress, to the dark end of the ocean blue in his eyes. It was not a color he had thought about often, but it was both relaxing and suffocating depending on the shade. 

Another smile crossed Kageyama’s face, and he bowed his head slightly. He could just feel Oikawa’s warmth rolling over his arms, whispering about how beautiful he was in his ear. He didn’t care if it was bad luck- he wanted to go see Oikawa. The swish of his skirt sounded again as he walked across the room, pulling the door open, yet even that was as silent as the world around him. “Tooru!” Kageyama called out as he looked down the long hallway. No reply, not even a single door cracked open. His brows drew in with confusion. Stepping out completely, he gently closed the door, and started down the hall. He tried to the door next to his to open, locked. He went across the hall to try that one, locked. He took a step back, looking around again. 

The hall had stripped white and peach paper, the tables, and chairs were pink and white, but the flower vases held wilted flowers. Kageyama flinched in slight shock at the wilted roses, reaching a hand out to gently touch one, but it simply vanished to ash, and fell to the ground. TIlting his head with curiosity, he walked up to one of the tables that had a paper on it. A card looking type of paper, and he picked it up. 

_ ‘Room 901’  _ was scribbled on it in elegant lettering. That must be Oikawa’s room. Kageyama placed the card down, looking at the number on the door that was nearest to him.  _ ‘911’  _

It couldn’t have been too far. Once Kageyama found the direction that went the opposite, he gracefully started to walk down the hall. He shook off the nerves he had, put a smile back on his face, and as he walked, practiced how he would down the aisle. His dad would be there, and his mom. For once, his parents will be around in his life for something that was important to him, and that made him smile even more. He pushed his bangs a bit, as he stared at the numbers going down.  _ 910, 909, 908, 907, 906 _ \- But a curling cry broke out, forcing Kageyama to stop in his tracks and stare down the hall in fear. His chest was visibly raising and dropping as his nerves heightened as he tried to listen.  _ “Tooru!~”  _

Only that didn’t sound like a cry… That sounded like lust. Kageyama bit his bottom lip, chest tightening as he pulled his skirt up and yanked his heels off. 

_ “Oh, stoppit! Tooru~”  _

He threw his shoes on the floor, hiked his dress up, and took off in a sprint. Just a few minutes ago, Kageyama woke up in a hue of white, peace, and love. Yet that simple voice shredded his world, and as he ran, that beautiful white and pink quickly shifted to black and dark blue. A blue that was as dark as his eyes, that suffocating ocean blue. And his chest constricted to feel the same way. As he got to the door, he dropped his dress, and reached his hand out to the knob. It was quiet for a moment, hand trembling as he hesitated to grab it. 

_ “Don’t open it.”  _ Kageyama’s breath caught as he turned around, startled, seeing Tsukishima standing behind him. The blocker had no glasses, and he was dressed in all black, his facial expression of that he was mourning.  _ “You already know your truth.”  _

_ “No… I don’t… It’s not true.”  _ Kageyama shook his head, turning away from the sad-eyed male. He stared at the numbers on the door as if he were waiting for it to open on it’s own. He closed his eyes before he put his hand on the knob, and he pushed the door open, strolling in. 

His eyes widened in shock, and his world seemed to scream silence at him. There was no sound to his ears, but he could see it. He could see  _ her _ screaming, and moaning, drooling all over herself as Oikawa pounding inside of her. Kageyama took a step forward, but they seemed to get farther away on that bed. The more steps Kageyama took, the more farther that bed got, and even when he started to run again, it was such a distance away. He ran, really hard, and fast, with those hot, familiar tears began streaming down his face as he tried to reach a hand out to Oikawa.  _ “TOORU!!”  _  He screamed out, only to trip on his down dress and fall to his knees. Hands quickly covered his eyes, sobs heaving from his chest as he tried to wipe those tears away. 

_ “Tobio.”  _ Kageyama looked up, blinking wet eyes up. Tsukishima was back in front of him, now dressed in all white. 

_ “Kei…”  _

Tsukishima held a hand out to him, and Kageyama slowly took it. As if Tsukishima was handling a princess, he slowly helped Kageyama up to his feet with an indescribable gentleness, before he offered his arm for Kageyama to hold.  _ “I think it’s time you wake up from this nightmare… Come on. Wake up. We gotta get up. YOU gotta get-” _

“Up!! Tobio!!” Tsukishima snapped, smacking a pillow into Kageyama’s face. The setter woke up startled, grabbing the pillow he was hit with and throwing it back at Tsukishima. 

“Oh come on! I was dreamin’!!” Kageyama’s words stopped when he saw the stern look on Tsukishima’s face as he caught the pillow to his chest. Blue eyes flicked over to see Daichi and Sugawara peeking in behind these men- men he had laid eyes on for the first time. Cops. No, actually, they looked more like detectives. “What’s going on…?” Kageyama asked gently, slowly moving off the bed as he offered the shirt Tsukishima was handing him and sliding it over his head. 

“I’m Detective Mauro Scott and this is my assitant, Color- We would like to ask you a few questions about a friend of yours. He goes by the name Iwaizumi Hajime.” The detective spoke. “I’ll give you a few minutes to brush up, and you can eat while we talk. How does that sound?”

“Yeah- That’s… fine…” Kageyama spoke with weary, looking again at Tsukishima who looked away from him. A tight feeling came to Kageyama’s chest, but he pushed himself out of bed. The couple of the house dispersed to downstairs, Suga letting Kageyama know that he will cook for him, and Tsukishima told Kageyama he would take Aki for a walk… The mood of the morning already had an edge to it and the still feeling of his dream seemed to have followed on over…

-

“Were you aware of the PTSD Iwaizumi had?” Detective Mauro asked as Kageyama sipped his coffee.

“Yes…”

“Aware of the medications?”

“Not until before I left his house…”

“Aware of any signs that showed depression? Or raised any alarm to you?”

“...” Kageyama went silent, slowly pushing his plate full of food away. “Why are you asking me this? Where is Iwaizumi? Is he okay?”

“Please answer the question.”

“Again, not until before I left his house.”

“Did any incidents occur that caused you to leave his house?”

“Not exactly because of him.”

“Can you tell me the story?”

“I was living with him to get away from my ex. We were fine, I was cooking for us, he would cook sometimes. He would pick me up and drop me off from work. One day, I was gone, and I guess… He decided to drink while he took medicine. I don’t know what happened to him, but he locked me out the house, and my dog was barking a lot. When I got in- it was just.. Nonsense. He was… talking to a dead person, but I didn’t know that. So I was trying to talk to him, too, like the person was alive so I could keep him at bay. Something went wrong again, somewhere, and he grabbed me and pushed me into his bed.” Kageyama sighed heavily. “There was broken glass, and he was waving a gun around, but he never indicated that he wanted to hurt himself, he just wanted to hurt me for lying about the guy I couldn’t see.”

“The guy that was in his mind, correct?”

“Yeah. Iwaizumi knew he was dead, but he was talking to like how we talk- like normal. But Iwaizumi saw the gun shot bleeding right from his head… He was talking to someone who was hurt, dead. I don’t know. I don’t know what happened. Then his best friend came and basically kicked me out the house- my ex, I mean. We got into a big fight, and I got all my shit and I left. He told me he was going to take care of Iwaizumi. As far as Iwaizumi’s history goes, I don’t know much of anything. Just that he served, and he served well. He was great at what he does, and he was always on the field because they needed him. He was a broken man with very invisible scars, but he was never once as mean as people make warriors out to be. He was very kind hearted, and morally knew what was right and what was wrong, and he tried to save me.”

“And that’s all?”

“Yes. That’s all. I haven’t spent much time with him…”

“Alright…” Detective Mauro scribbled down some notes, as he had been the whole time until he clicked his pen, and closed his notepad. “With my sincerest regrets, and condolences, I’m very sorry to tell you. Iwaizumi Hajime was found dead.”

Now the world truly hit Kageyama. His face dropped with shock, and he didn’t want to believe it. “He killed himself with a weapon, and he was discovered by Oikawa in his bed.” 

Blue eyes blinked, tears falling down. “Oikawa…?” Kageyama stared down at the table. “Found him…?” 

“Yes… He said if you needed him for emotional support, he’s there for you. He referred you to us because he knew you two were close.” 

Kageyama’s eyes widened with fear now, more tears streaming down his face. He tried to look around to stop them, but the more he looked, the more they fell. “Right… Thank you… You can keep me in contact and in loop if need anything else.” Kageyama choked out, shaking his head after and covering his face. He gave silent sobs as he remembered Iwaizumi. He regretted leaving that house, he should have stayed with him. He knew he shouldn’t have believed Oikawa. Oikawa was pissed at him. 

“Actually, Detective Scott…” Kageyama forced himself to look up, catching the older gentleman's attention. The man looked old enough to be a dad, like a bear. He looked tired and stressed, but Kageyama got the vibe that as tired as this man was, he wouldn’t rest until justice was served. “Iwaizumi was a soldier. If the battlefield didn’t kill him, he wouldn’t have killed himself. His friends death didn’t drive him to do it either. He knew there was a reason for him to be alive, and I refuse to think this was a suicide. With all due respect… You might wanna check Oikawa.” 

Kageyama sniffed hard, dropping his view. He couldn’t believe the words that were coming out of his mouth, “Oikawa is just as heavily medicated as Iwaizumi, but he stopped at some point, I don’t know when. Oikawa has pushed me to the point where I’ve had my own depression and anxiety medicine prescribed to me. He’s no stranger to violence, he hit and pushed me all the time. It was anything but sweet. He’s been mad at me, I know that. He was mad at Iwaizumi for saving me, by taking me out of our house, and getting me away. He came to the airport the other day, and when I say he didn’t look right- I mean he really didn’t look right…” 

Blue eyes rose up again, “I think… Oikawa… Killed him…” He bowed his head again, nodding at his own words. “I’m scared now…” 

Detective Mauro’s thick brows drew in. He tapped his pen on the table, nodding gently as he clicked the recorder off. “There is no need to be scared… We’ll relocate you, and issue surveillance on your friends.” The detective got up, pouring a glass of water for Kageyama and placing it down in front of him. The sound of Aki barking made Kageyama look up and take the glass. “I apologize for all this happening before you even had a chance to get to your practice, but I wanted a chance to talk to you before Oikawa could slip in and speak to you. I’m very happy with all that was said today, and my partner was already suspecting that it was Oikawa. We’re going to lay down a few ground rules for you because Oikawa has gone missing.”

Kageyama looked up, that fear deepening in his eyes. Detective Mauro nodded a bit, as he sighed in regret. “We’ll move you into a hotel. You are not to leave the hotel with anyone, not your friends, or family. If you walk your dog, you need to be accompanied. You’re a famous star, and this may not be a big league case yet, but it can be. Follow these simple rules, and we stay on this case together. Okay?”

Kageyama nodded slowly, fingers drawing over the circle of the glass. “I will… Promise no one is gonna get hurt… Please…  This isn’t even their fault…”

“Can you tell me a little more about you and Oikawa?” Mauro asked, pulling the recorded close again, and turning it back on. 

“Me and Oikawa were engaged until I caught him cheating. Iwaizumi pulled me out of the house to prevent further manipulation from him. For years, 5 years nearly, I’ve dealt with Oikawas’s depression, his abuse, his lies. Once Iwaizumi got me away, I realized how fucked up he had me. I was drinking because of him, and I was emotionally distraught. He got mad at me for making plans, and our whole relationship was based on him never beating me in volleyball, so it was just jealous mixed with lust, abuse because he wanted power over me because he didn't have that in a game. I always thought we were this blissful perfect pair…” Kageyama smirked small to himself, as he recalled his dream. “For some reason, my mind, my love for him blinded me on everything he ever did, and I thought I was living in a fairytale. Even though it got very very hard and undoable, I did it. But the minute I walked away, he took advantage when I was drunk, and I slept with him. Then left me to be with the girl he cheated on me with again. We got into a big fight, and I left the country with my team for a match. When I came back, my friends picked me up, but so did he. Even though it was made clear to him to stay away. He scared me with his look, I almost went back to him. But Tsukishima didn’t allow it. He kept me away and told Oikawa to stay away. So… Oikawa left. He gave everyone this vibe that he just- wasn’t right.”

“Me and Oikawa were just… toxic, I guess. To each other. He wasn’t alone in destroying us, but I didn’t push him like how he pushed me. I feel shattered, broken, lost, because of him. I know if he could grab me by my neck and slam me on a wall right now he would. Just yell at me about how selfish I am when I was always working so hard towards making him happy. He never appreciated me. Never complimented my meals, or anything that should be like.. Romantic, I guess? Everything was all about control…. I almost quit my job over him. My successful career..”   
Kageyama shook his head again,running a hand through those bedhead strands. “It might be my fault he went that far. I should have called help for him, but I didn’t even know the extent of the damage he did to me…”

“Don’t blame yourself for this, Kageyama.” Mauro muttered under his breathe. “Sometimes, people just wear really good masks, that we can’t see the true monster they are.You’re taking care of yourself, and that’s the best first step anyone can take. Oikawa is a different issue, you need to work on getting yourself better. We’ll handle Oikawa from now on, you just keep working on yourself.” 

Kageyama nodded slightly, getting up, and holding a hand out to finally shake hands with the older male. “Thank you so much for everything that you’re doing… Please… Find him quickly.” 

“We’ll work on it.” Mauro promised, shaking the hand firmly. With a heavy sigh, Kageyama nodded, and the two males left the dining area into the living room. Tsukishima instantly flew over, his arms pulling Kageyama into a hug. It hit him again, Iwaizumi was dead now. And he couldn’t help but shoulder the blame, to cry and be upset about it again. Because Iwaizumi such a wonderful man. WIth a face full of tears yet again, he turned to look at Mauro again, “If not for me, then at least do it for him. He didn’t deserve to have his life pulled away from him.” 

Kageyama turned to look at Suga, and a scoff came from his lips. “The bastard left, he isn’t even gonna do something for his funeral for own best friend. But I’ll do whatever I have to, to ease his soul and help him rest peacefully. Fuck, Iwaizumi, I’m so sorry.” Kageyama covered his mouth, sighing out slowly before he hugged Tsukishima again, face burying in his neck. While the hand rubbing his back was meant to comfort him, it only made him cry more. Kageyama was going to do make sure he followed Mauro’s simple rules, promised himself that he would do better, and finish what Iwaizumi had started to protect and save him. It was hitting him more now, because he’s looking at all the people he needed to protect now, too. 

It happened quickly, Oikawa changing for the worse. Oikawa was sick, and it caught him off guard. It caught all of them off guard, but they were in danger now. He easily took down a soldier who fought in wars for long periods of times. Took down a hero who had a smile that was brighter than the earth's sun despite his wounds. Sure, Iwaizumi was rough around the edges, but wasn’t that the part that made him great? Kageyama never took the time to really appreciate him, and he was regretting that. He would make up for it now though. Planning a funeral with the military to honor him, maybe start a volleyball game as tribute to mental health for soldiers and people alike, he had to do something for Iwaizumi. 

Feeling a hand on his shoulder, he looked at Mauro. “Take it easy, son. Don’t overwhelm yourself. I’ll give you a break before we talk a little more again. I have to talk to all of you.” With nods, Mauro looked at his partner, with a softer nod, and he walked outside. The little assistant with blue hair tied up in a bun smiled at Kageyama. 

“I’m not actually his assistant, I work in the forensics department, which means I’m in charge of Iwaizumi and finding out what actually went down. While I can’t disclose the details on my findings, I promise I will find something to bring him the justice he deserves.” 

“Thank you.” Kageyama smiled small back, nodding. 

Color gave a little bow, offering another smile, and he pulled Kageyama’s hand gently, placing the dog tags in his palm. “I snagged this for you. I figured if anything was going to give you strength, it would be this. I would feel automatically stronger with this in my hands…” Color’s eyes flicked up at him, “Heroes aren’t forgotten. I thank your friend for all his services, too.” 

Kageyama smiled more, scoffing out a cry and tilting his head back. He didn’t know this small male, but he pulled him in close, hugging him. “Thank you, honestly. Please, serve him back as best as you can..” 

“I will, I promise.” Color patted his back, letting Kageyama be the one to pull away. Kageyama squeezed his shoulders before setting the man free, and he moved to sit down next to Suga. The room got quiet fast as everyone surrounded Kageyama. Color took his back steps before he walked outside to Mauro, his smiling fading as he looked at his boss. “Psycho ex’s are always the worst..”

“Yeah, we just have to stay on our toes…” Mauro sighed, lighting up a cigarette and placing it between his lips. “That damned police department wimped out too fast, and I can’t get any disclosure on this patient. HIPAA violations really annoy me.” 

A ringing emerged between the two, causing Mauro to pick his phone up. “You’ve reached Detective Mauro.” 

_ “Sir, there’s been an emergency at  _ **_Miyagi Rifu Ekisaikai Hospital_ ** _ , we need you on the scene immediately.”  _


End file.
